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Running Into Old Friends


ShadowDog
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o/ You used to be friends, a long time ago. o/

 

Assuming it's not a situation where they nailed your ex while you were still with them and you just drifted apart for other reasons, what do you do in these situations where you bump into them at a restaurant or the bus or something? Make fake small talk for three minutes and then delete them again? Ever rekindle a friendship again and it work out this time? Would you or have you just pretended you didn't recognize them and they did the same?

 

I avoided the harsh breakups above because most likely that is a situation where you just pretend you don't know each other and keep moving. So it's a non starter of a story. But that ever not happen?

 

School chums are a special category because those aren't true friendships in most cases. They're basically friends you make because you need someone to talk to during school much more than because you actually have a lot friend-y in common. Which is why 99% of those friendships dissolve within a few years of graduation. So when you run into them it's usually more nostalgia for a lost time of innocence than pure awkwardness.

 

This kind of thing probably applies less to people who move around a lot in their adult lives.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

 

School chums are a special category because those aren't true friendships in most cases. They're basically friends you make because you need someone to talk to during school much more than because you actually have a lot friend-y in common. Which is why 99% of those friendships dissolve within a few years of graduation. So when you run into them it's usually more nostalgia for a lost time of innocence than pure awkwardness.

This is exactly why I didn't go to my high school reunions.

 

And there are people I was friends with but lost contact over the years, then found on facebook and friended, but never bothered to ask for a phone number and call, much less meet in person after X amount of years.

 

Maybe it just means I'm an a-hole, though. That would explain why I don't have many friends to begin with...

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I never had a problem with any of the people I graduated with, but when my 20 year reunion came up in 2011 I didnt go. Had no desire. I have a few friends that I grew up with and we're still close and most important I have my children. Thats all I need.

I dont really want alot of friends lol.

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Since my family is still tied to the same religious community I was raised in this comes up A LOT for me when I visit with my grandparents. Generally I just try to be pleasant and hope they don't ask me where I got to church now (hint: it's nowhere).

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I reconnected with an old high school friend through Facebook, and it was awesome. We share more common interests now than we did then.

 

In general, I'm pretty comfortable with outgrowing relationships, so it's pretty easy for me to just enjoy people in the moment and let it go. So no fake small talk, but an honest brief catching up and then a thought of "It was good to see him/her again," but it rarely goes beyond that.

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I moved far away from home and college, so I don't run into a lot of "old" friends. But there's a former co-worker from Florida who also moved out here and I had a falling out with soon after. My husband describes her as "quiet crazy", in that when you ask her if everything's ok she says they're fine but you can tell in her crazy eyes that they're not, and then one day she finally wigs out over something tiny. I was 4 months pregnant with my first so I was like, eff this noise (thanks, Dex) and cut her out. I blocked her on our workplace IM system one day right before I left on vacation because she was always bugging me and I needed to get something finished, and she figured it out because she's a crazy stalker and went off on me in an email that I received when I got back. (Hope she felt like an ass after getting my out-of-office reply.) Recently, I took her off IM block because it's been like, 4 years, for crying out loud. But it turned out she still has me blocked. Now I work in the same building as her, same floor, so we've crossed paths twice in the last week. One was in the hallway, across the atrium. She was with her new husband (I occasionally hear snippets from mutual friends), so I was mostly like, hey good for her. But then the next day she was in the bathroom at the same time as me. I just avoided eye contact. I saw her at a gas station earlier in the year, too. We made eye contact and both of our eyes went super wide, and we just pretended we didn't see each other. She's so freaking crazy that I just don't want anything to do with it.

 

If I was back home and ran into an old friend, I would probably say hi and ask how they were doing, but I think most of those friends are periphery facebook friends anyway, so I know the bare minimum important stuff (job, married/not, kids/not, where they live). But it might be nice to say hi and ask how that particular day is going. If it was just a random classmate, I'd probably pretend I didn't see them unless they approached me, partially because I would be unsure it was actually them and I don't like approaching strangers. So along the lines of high school reunions: zero nostalgia for that sort of thing. You set up a brunch with some of my old teachers, I'd be all over that. I'm facebook friends with 2 of my favorite teachers from high school. I would much rather set up a lunch or dinner or a picnic with some of my old friends when I'm in town. Although in practice that is hard to get that many people together, and a lot of them probably don't talk much anymore, so in that respect, I can see the point of a reunion because it gets all of those people together in one place at the same time. But I wouldn't bother with talking to people I never cared about in high school.

 

When we went to my husband's reunion, there was so much posturing for who was successful. Hands down, my husband was in the top 5 most successful so far, and he wasn't one of the top kids in the class. (Sorry honey, the fighter pilot was a little cooler.) It was a total douchebag convention. If I'm being snotty, I'm in the top 5 of my class, too (the Harvard child psychologist wins, though). I already know that, and have nothing to prove. Nor do I think half of those self-absorbed jerks would care, honestly. They still get together and talk about how awesome they are and live in the same hometown or maybe the next town over if they're adventurous. Good for you.

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I skipped my ten year reunion. I just don't care how proud the cheerleaders are of their reproduction capabilities. I don't mean that in a bitter way, but just what a yawnfest. We had a minireunion with a close bunch that actually kept in touch.

 

Anyhow, that does sound super awkward with the coworker. I had some unpleasant experiences with coworkers that led me to just draw a line between professional and private life. I find a way to be too bust to go to bbqs, etc.

 

I had a very bad falling out with a friend in 2011. I often wonder how a chance encounter would go. It would range from silently ignoring each other (best case) to very bad violence (worst case). He is a psychopathic veteran with PTSD and a conceal carry, just a walking time bomb.

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