pavonis Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I think that calling a bare statement of fact - that receiving gifts from people whom I did not purchase or make a gift makes me feel guilty rather than please - "utterly ridiculous" is deliberately insulting. Which is fine, since I expect that from her. It's our thing. Is she intending to insult Fozzie and Cashmere, too, though? I suspect if anyone else had posted what I did, Cerina would've had a different comment ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Human Torch Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Come on, Everyone. Santa's still got time to check his list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Krawlie Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I got a list you can check. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Human Torch Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 My local library tried to hold that for me, but they said Driver checked it out and never returned it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowDog Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 This is what she was responding to. Receiving gifts requires reciprocation. It's a non-optional social convention. Sure, it's nice to receive gifts, but damn if it doesn't make a person feel guilty when they didn't think to get the gift-giver something in return. You didn't say "this makes me feel guilty" you said "this makes a person feel guilty". I took that as including everybody. Which is ridiculous. I guess you didn't mean it that way, but it sounded like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 It is ridiculous! Why should you feel guilty? The only reason to feel guilty is to assume that the person giving you a gift expects one in return. Which would mean that they did not gift in the true unselfish spirit of giving. That's a horrible thing to assume about someone. Even if your assumption is true, that's their issue, not yours. There's no reason to feel guilty for it. You do not give gifts just to get one in return. Surely, I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I don't think I'd want a gift from someone who is only giving me one out of some sense of obligation on their part. Gifts are a gesture of love, appreciation, caring, and/or honor. They should be giving without any expectations, and should be received graciously. This idea of obligation to reciprocate is exactly what is wrong with the commercialism of the holidays, not the gift giving itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Choc Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 An Asian kid needed tutoring in math? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 It is ridiculous! Why should you feel guilty? The only reason to feel guilty is to assume that the person giving you a gift expects one in return. Which would mean that they did not gift in the true unselfish spirit of giving. That's a horrible thing to assume about someone. Even if your assumption is true, that's their issue, not yours. There's no reason to feel guilty for it. You do not give gifts just to get one in return. Surely, I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I don't think I'd want a gift from someone who is only giving me one out of some sense of obligation on their part. Gifts are a gesture of love, appreciation, caring, and/or honor. They should be giving without any expectations, and should be received graciously. This idea of obligation to reciprocate is exactly what is wrong with the commercialism of the holidays, not the gift giving itself. No one gives a gift without wanting something in return, be it affection, attention, a favor, or a return gift. If you don't see that you're quite naive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I'm really sorry if you honestly believe that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowDog Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Yeah. Wow. And I thought I was cynical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Can either of you give me a single example that proves otherwise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowDog Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 When I give people gifts I didn't expect anything in return. I know my own mind so I know its true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Can you give me a more specific example? Who was the person, what was the nature of your association, and what did you give? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 I almost always spend more money on gifts and buy for more people than I ever plan to get in return. It's just who I am and what I do. Some people are just like that. I would not worry about it. You need specifics? Really? Ok, this year I bought my neighbors a membership to the zoo. They're great neighbors, and I'm so grateful for everything they do for us. I do not expect anything from them in return. But I do know that their kids bought my kid a gift. Every year, (not this one for financial reasons) I give gifts to all the people who work at my church, my coworkers, all of our close neighbors, and any adult my son was taught/coached by a gift. One year a friend of the family used my giving him a gift for Christmas as an example of selfless giving in a bible study he gave later that week. I got him a nice pen set. Back when I was working, I would bring the girls I worked with souvenirs from wherever we went. I've given random, no particular reason gifts to all of the following: my boss, several coworkers, several people I supervised, my friend's kids, my neighbor's kids, my neighbors, the ladies in the leasing office at the apartments where I lived, the girl who worked the night shift at the grocery store by my house, close friends, the spouses of close friends, family, no-so-close friends, the firemen at the fire-station by my apartment, my bartenders, coworkers of my friends and family, my son's friends, my husband's friends, my ex-boyfriend's kids, and some of my favorite customers at work at their kids. I can go into detail about each one if you need me to. This isn't an exhaustive list by any means. And I'm happy to say that my son has inherited my love of giving. He also regularly purchases or makes gifts for his friends and family members. He's even wanted to buy things for people I didn't expect, like the youth leader's wife at church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 Can you give me a more specific example? Who was the person, what was the nature of your association, and what did you give? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 I rest my case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Wow, really? None of my example count? That's about the internet equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and screaming "LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU". Congrats on your win, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Human Torch Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 You left out the social security numbers of your recipients, therefore all lies. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowDog Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Yeah once I realized he was just trolling I stopped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Copper Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Giving is never selfless, because it makes you feel good about yourself. There's no such thing as a selfless act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks, Joey. Just because it makes you feel good, doesn't mean that you expect a gift in return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Jade Skywalker Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Giving is never selfless, because it makes you feel good about yourself. There's no such thing as a selfless act. I'm reminded of an episode of Friends right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pong Messiah Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks, Joey. Just because it makes you feel good, doesn't mean that you expect a gift in return. maybe feeling good is the gift Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Human Torch Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 We're almost in euphemism terrority, keep going. I want to be able to justifiably say I'm full of the Christmas Spirit during orgasm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerina Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks, Joey. Just because it makes you feel good, doesn't mean that you expect a gift in return. maybe feeling good is the gift It's a self-giving gift. So if someone else gives you a gift, they have already given themselves the gift of happiness in return. You still don't need to give them a gift back or feel guilty about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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