Should People Even Get Married Anymore?

[Cerina]

 

I think people would move around less if that wasn't the model, though. At my company, we have a lot of "lifers", because the benefits were good. Every time you lose someone with 10+ years of experience, that's a loss, IMO, because you need to retrain their replacement, and knowledge is lost. I think my company is going to see a whole lot less "lifers", with all of the changes that are happening. My husband has noticed that almost all of his managers and executives are divorced. They all tell him to go home to his family before he doesn't have one anymore. They put work first, and they paid the price for it.

Culturally, there is a much stronger focus on finding "fulfilling" work than "stable work that pays the bills" than there was 50 years ago, so I think a higher rate of turnover is inevitable no matter what pay and benefits are being offered. Today, if somebody quits their job and goes back to college to finish their degree in... whatever ... at age 44, people are less likely to scoff and label it a selfishly irresponsible midlife crisis than praise them for finally "following their dreams."

 

That said, while I believe culture, technology, etc. conspires to make career changes more likely than before, I totally agree with you that more retention could be gained if the model were changed. The amount of hours people are putting in today vs. 40-50 years ago is insane (overtime, working from home, etc.). In general, I prefer the present and future, and believe the "good ol' days" were mostly a myth... but in this particular case, perhaps not so much.

 

This is actually changing. Many more companies are switching to a more work-life balanced scale and offering things like work from home and flex time opportunities. It's actually likely to keep going this way as more and more millennials join the workforce. Work-life balance and higher turnover/less long-term retention are the wave of the future. Or so say a shit ton of articles and a handful of books I read about millennials in the workforce back when I suddenly had to manage some of them.

[Darth Krawlie]

>some of them

 

You're a millennial too.

[Pong Messiah]

This is actually changing. Many more companies are switching to a more work-life balanced scale and offering things like work from home and flex time opportunities. It's actually likely to keep going this way as more and more millennials join the workforce. Work-life balance and higher turnover/less long-term retention are the wave of the future. Or so say a **** ton of articles and a handful of books I read about millennials in the workforce back when I suddenly had to manage some of them.

I hope you are right, Cerina, but I can't help but feel a bit pessimistic about this, since workers have been fed the line about changes being made and reduced hours/more time for family "just around the corner!" since at least the early 1970s.

 

Anecdotally, I've seen enough people who take advantage of flex/family options get squeezed out of choice projects or full-time employment to be leery of it. And there has already been some high profile pushback on working from home: Yahoo told their telecommuters to come back to the office last year, and Best Buy put some serious restrictions on their employees who don't come into the office. Apparently, employers prefer you wasting time in your cubicle than at home!

[Cerina]

>some of them

 

You're a millennial too.

JUST BARELY

[Destiny Skywalker]

Yes, there is the option for the worker bees to do flex time and the like. And then last year or 2 years ago, my company pulled a Yahoo and said no more 4-10s, 9/80s only with upper management approval, and no more regularly scheduled telecommute days. Progress is going backwards at the major companies, especially in the technology sector.

[Burt]

You would think with cloud storage, video conferences, and other technological advances there would be less of a need to be in the office. In just the last 5 years, I am blown away by some of the advances (especially cloud storage). I'm glad my job(s) let me work from home a lot, but the end is in sight and I'll have to get a normal job.

[Guest]

I think that a lot of it has to do with culture and accountability.

[Burt]

Exchange with my spouse today:

Spouse: "Would you rather have 5 wives or 20 wives?"

Me: "20. I wouldn't have to worry about maintaining relationships. 5 would just be drama and jealousy."

 

Well....apparently the correct answer was 1. Who knew?

[pavonis]

But "1" wasn't an option offered!

[Evolence]

If you want to boink your partner without it being considered fornication (and getting sentenced to eternal damnation), you should get married. Marriage is God's license to fuck.

[Copper]

The older and more settled I get the more I realize that I don't even want to really live with someone. Even if I super duper loved them and wanted to share my life with them, I like having my own home with my own rules and solitude.

 

I can't imagine spending every night with the same person. I feel like I'd go mad.

[Guest]

You may be surprised. Marriage, done well, can have both companionship and solitude. The challenge can be when different people have different needs at the same time.

[NumberSix]

Exactly. JC and I love doing things together and we're always looking for ideas for stuff to do as a date night or weekend excursion or even TV shows we can both watch, but we don't feel like we have to do everything together, either. We can handle separate outings, alone time, and our own hobbies without falling apart if the other isn't there right alongside. But at the end of the day, come what may, there we are, together again.

[Cashmere]

You two crazy kids are so good together, Six.

[The Human Torch]

I've been with one person in my life and regardless of the future I intend to only be with one person. My wife and I have been together sexually since we were 15, friends from 14. I don't believe we have any special insight. All I can say is we actively do our best to work together in all things. We do our best to be transparent and not selfish. We treat each other as free birds, not living in gilded cages, but we are home to each other. This doesn't mean we're polygamous, of course. We don't always succeed in not being selfish, there has been the occassional yelling about whatever from finance mishandling to bouts of waning desire (22 years of familiarity sometimes seems a hindrance, but we have found that for us passion is grown with transparency and patience). When non sexual tension, which is the much more often type, occurs we do our best to step back and not let it fester. Relying again on transparency and teamwork to forge ahead.

 

A marriage license, a piece of paper, doesn't change that.

 

However that piece of paper is a symbol to us of our commitment and love. While we do not need a piece of paper to bind us or remind us it is never the less an acknowledgement of the commitment and literal life contract we have decided to participate in. We believe our relationship doesn't change without it, but it does provide a tangible and legal marker of reference in both civic and societal institutions. In that regard we see it's use and wish all consenting adults had the ability to participate in it.

[Copper]

Hey, you guys are all inspirational and shit.

 

 

Thanks.