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POLYAMORY  

11 members have voted

  1. 1. Will Polyamory Save Your Marriage/LTR?

    • Yes, definitely. I can feel it working already!
    • I'm not sure, but will try it!
      0
    • Shut up, Pong!


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Not really. My marriage isn't really in need of saving. I'm perfectly happy and satisfied with just my husband. And despite what my dreams may say, my conscious thoughts reject the idea of finding someone else.

 

But I can see how it would work for someone else.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

I don't need it personally, but I think as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and no one has been coerced or pressured into it, then I don't have a problem with people who practice polyamory. It really isn't my business, and I have no moral or religious hang ups about it. But I think people who feel like it is the "only way" to save their marriage/relationship, have other things going on with their marriage/relationship, and "legalized" cheating isn't really going to help their marriage/relationship in most cases, IMHO.

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It depends if feelings are involved. I mean, if it's just the addition of an extra sexual partner to keep things interesting I'd be open to it regardless of the gender of the third party. However if my partner wanted to go off and bang other people independently of me I might get jealous. But mixing things up a little bit is fine by me. Clearly there would need to be guidelines or "rules" for it to work successfully and I'd have to feel totally secure with the person I'm with (which incidentally I am).

 

So yeah, if both parties are into it and strong enough to do it it's all good.

 

If it's an emotional connection to someone else that my girlfriend would want then that's a different story. I wouldn't be so cool with that. Sex = good. Feelings = bad in this situation.

Edited by Odine
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Obviously, I'm mister super liberal. I don't like to judge, and I'm cool with however people want to lead their own lives-- they have that right.

 

That said, every poly person I have ever met is either heavily into ren faires, role playing games, drugs and/or has an obsession level fandom for something (Star Wars, LOTR, Disneyland, etc). Also, 95% of the time the woman in the equation is overweight.

 

That said, every poly person I have met was very nice, and seemed like good people not out to do evil and seems happy, so good on them.

 

I also don't know of many who actually last. In tends to implode eventually. Shadowdog has some friends out here in LA that are poly-- he'll have to verify, but they seemed to have it working long term.

 

ALL THAT said, I'm pretty sure you have to go into the situation knowing that is what it is going to be. I don't have much faith that a marriage that has been traditional for years and years is suddenly going to get better if both parties start sleeping around in an up front, we're poly sort of way.

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I suppose I'm obligated to reply here. I share my girlfriend with her husband. I think boiling it down to just promiscuous sex is selling it a bit short, at least from what I've read on polyamorous relationships. I have feelings for her, and I hang out with her family to boot. (That being said, I'm glad I'm not responsible for her three hellion children.) It's more expansive love than just swinging (which is just for sex). I wouldn't mind cultivating other intimate relationships with women within the context of my current one.

 

That being said, I can't imagine that switching marriage modalities would "save" a marriage. If a marriage is to the point of needing saving, there is probably a lot more wrong than what such a switch could salvage. And that would assume that both parties were consenting to it (odds are, they wouldn't be).

 

To Tank's generalizations-- I don't know enough poly people to really verify or deny. But my girl IS definitely a SUPERFAN of Dr. Who, sci-fi, etc. Not overweight at all though-- incredibly petite actually.

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All the poly people I know live in Berkeley.

 

They all use big words about sex that I don't even know, they all eat vegan, they're all free love, and none of them own a car.

 

That's not so say there aren't OTHER poly types out there, but the bay area seems to have spawned this weird little ultra hippie version of it. Most of them are pretty cool and really seem to just like to fuck (and love) everything on two legs. I've been invited into their little love nests but so far I have always declined, mostly because I don't think I can handle having that many emotions for that many people. Too stressful.

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