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Guest El Chalupacabra

Yeah, exactly. Somebody gets it.

 

I mean, sure.. there was once a time when I wasn't allowed to drink at the table either.

 

When I was in freaking high school.

When you are in someone else's home, like I was, it's not that easy. It's called f*cking manners.

 

Needless to say, that is the last time I do Turkey day at my brother's house, if his wife's family is also there.

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it's not like anyone checks off a list confirming that I was told not to drink when I walked through the door. The problem is that I have a raging mean drunk of a stepdad and if *I* bring drinks, he's going to drink them and then eventually, someone's going to end up calling the cops. Probably the neighbors.

 

So in order to prevent that from happening all of us just... don't bring drinks. Voila.

 

But congrats to you for having six figures and being treated like an adult by your parents I guess? (Never brought up how much money I make or whether or not I'm being treated like an adult but it's interesting to see how you sneak that stuff in there :) )

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My listing those facts was not an attempt to bloviate, but rather, simply to emphasize that I have adult characteristics, as I'm sure you do as well, and as such, in my experience it is pretty uncommon for parents to be overly restrictive towards adult children unless there is some other underlying issue going on.

 

Now that I know the background of your particular situation, it makes perfect sense. But you implied something else entirely, by saying "I don't get to.." that implied as if you needed permission, as opposed to making a voluntary choice not to, in order to prevent an escalating situation.

 

 

All that being said, still curious about Jacob.

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Just sounds weird, that's all. If I'm at my parents' house and feel like drinking, I drink. If I don't, I don't. But then again, I'm a professional in my 30s with a six-figure salary, so my parents treat me like an adult, and have for more than a decade now.

 

Sitting around, shooting the sh-t with family members I haven't seen in years, over a few drinks, is one of the best parts of the holidays. I thought this was the norm.

 

Hell, every thanksgiving dinner I've been to, including at other families, have at a minimum gone through a few bottles of wine at the table. Again, thought this was the norm. Unless the family's Mormon.

I don't think it's the norm. I USED to, until my first marriage. My husband's family didn't drink, not even a bottle of wine at a holiday dinner. He was a little taken aback that I wanted a bar, let alone a hosted bar at our wedding. Hell, 3/4 of my friends and family wouldn't have shown up if we didn't have one. My family's mostly Irish and German.

 

Amamda, I'm curious about a couple things here. You say your parents have treated you like an adult for about a decade...that'd be at about age 20. Is there an age or something you had to accomplish before they treated you as an adult or was that just hyperbole you tossed off? You also mentioned you six-figure salary again. Is that part of it for them or are you just really proud of that? (you've mentioned it in other posts when the subject wasn't how much we earn) Or are you just rubbing our noses in it? I'm not giving you crap, just genuinely curious.

 

I grew up assuming I'd be moderately wealthy in my adult life; I had drive and ideas and was college-bound, but then life happened and the accumulation of money became less important to me. Now, I'm very curious about how much others make, what their salaries do for their esteem and lives and what it means to them. I don't have anyone in my life in your circumstances that I can ask, so I want to know more from you. I'd like to also know where in the six-figures you are. I know it's rude to ask and it's none of my business but I'm asking anyway. PM me if you feel better about that-I won't share. or just tell me to **** off if that's how you feel.

 

I'm guessing you don't know any other life, so asking how it feels to have this kind of money is pointless. Do you think you truly appreciate the things and status it buys you or is it just how things are?

 

ALSO: IF I lived in Europe, I'd suggest we get together for drinks, then you'd probably scoff at me and instruct your staff to now allow me on the premises of the estate. I don't like that you'll have a lonely Thanksgiving and wish I could send you stuffing and Tanqueray.

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Yeah, exactly. Somebody gets it.

 

I mean, sure.. there was once a time when I wasn't allowed to drink at the table either.

 

When I was in freaking high school.

When you are in someone else's home, like I was, it's not that easy. It's called f*cking manners.

 

 

Well, no sh-t. But social custom and tradition dictate typically some level of drinking. After having been to several other families' Thanksgivings, inevitably the first question when I arrive after "Can I get your coat?" is "Would you like something to drink?"

 

 

I thought this was normal but maybe not. Does everyone here just hang around Mormon families or something?

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Several years back I discovered the joy of Friendsgiving. Being in LA, where most everyone is a transplant, it's been the norm for me to either host or attend Thanksgiving comprised of friends instead of family. Everyone brings two dishes-- something traditional and something very much not traditional-- which lead to me discovering the magic of dressing made from cornbread and chilis.

 

With no sensitive grandmas, drunk daddies or insufferable extended family members it always ends up being great.

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I really REALLY wanted to do Thanksgiving just the three of us this year, but my aunt decided that it's time for another family portrait. The last one turned into a disaster because my brother's then girlfriend insisted that she be in the photo and my mother insisted that her then fiance be in the photo with his 2 kids. None of these people are still around, so it's awkward to have the photo out. Though, I'm pretty sure my brother-in-law won't be around in 10 years so we'll have to redo it again.

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Several years back I discovered the joy of Friendsgiving. Being in LA, where most everyone is a transplant, it's been the norm for me to either host or attend Thanksgiving comprised of friends instead of family. Everyone brings two dishes-- something traditional and something very much not traditional-- which lead to me discovering the magic of dressing made from cornbread and chilis.

 

With no sensitive grandmas, drunk daddies or insufferable extended family members it always ends up being great.

someday i'm just going to invite myself to one of your thanksgivings. We can relieve the wonder(bread) years.

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My parents don't really care if I drink around them, whether it's their house or not. I've done it a few times. I just prefer not to since they don't. It's not really that complicated.

 

They'll be babysitting while we go out to the local shithole cowboy bars. They know that and don't care, so long as we don't drink and drive.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

 

 

Yeah, exactly. Somebody gets it.

 

I mean, sure.. there was once a time when I wasn't allowed to drink at the table either.

 

When I was in freaking high school.

When you are in someone else's home, like I was, it's not that easy. It's called f*cking manners.

 

 

Well, no sh-t. But social custom and tradition dictate typically some level of drinking. After having been to several other families' Thanksgivings, inevitably the first question when I arrive after "Can I get your coat?" is "Would you like something to drink?"

 

 

I thought this was normal but maybe not. Does everyone here just hang around Mormon families or something?

 

Mormons don't drink, and my brother was trying to make a good impression with his wife's sister and family. As for my brother, I don't know what the eff he was thinking. I thought it was family before in-laws, but whatever. It kinda pissed me off, really. I guess these days, when you ask what your s/o's religion is, you also have to remember to ask what their family's religion also is, because while his wife isn't Mormon, the rest of the family is.

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See the thing is, there's family, and then there's in-laws. Family can be cool, but when it's in-laws, rarely is it any fun.

Speak for yourself. My in-laws are awesome. My family's the one that sucks.

 

They wonder why I never spend holidays with them anymore.

 

Although this year will be interesting with the aforementioned family situation. Introducing NEW family is always fun. Well, we technically met him once, but he was uncomfortable because we were "quiet". We all (MIL included) found that pretty hilarious.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

 

See the thing is, there's family, and then there's in-laws. Family can be cool, but when it's in-laws, rarely is it any fun.

Speak for yourself. My in-laws are awesome. My family's the one that sucks.

 

They wonder why I never spend holidays with them anymore.

 

Although this year will be interesting with the aforementioned family situation. Introducing NEW family is always fun. Well, we technically met him once, but he was uncomfortable because we were "quiet". We all (MIL included) found that pretty hilarious.

 

I only speak for myself, but if you have great inlaws, you are one of the lucky ones, AND you are in the minority. Inlaws and family problems often are in the top 10, sometimes top 5 reasons for divorce.

 

And for the record, my brother's wife is nice and I am glad she and my brother found each other and got married, its her sister, and her demon spawn children, and gollum of a husband. Yikes!

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Back in the day, my uncle, my father, my older brother and myself would all celebrate Christmas Eve together. Next day you couldn't see the dining room table and half the kitchen counters for all the empties - beer cans, wine bottles, two-sixes, bottles with names I can't even remember. Much like those Christmas Eves.

 

Sadly, no longer.

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