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Do any of you ever obsess about death? Years ago I used to get these massive anxiety attacks when I would think about me dying. Really horrible attacks, I feel overwhelmed and get all freaked out, lots of sweating and find it difficult breath. It kind of went away for awhile and now it's been back for the past 3 days. I'm going to get a psychiatrist tomorrow morning, maybe get some medication.

 

It's really awful... I dwell on it and it keeps on piling up and piling up. Ugh. I just can't stop thinking about the centuries that have happened on without me here and know that when I die I won't come back and I'm just so scared. And I've had so much health problems that I know I've only got 4-5 years left. I hate it. And Anyone else go through this?

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I'd have sex on April.

I went through something like this when I was about 23. I had my first real job, and I lost 3 out of 4 grandparents in 18 months (last one is still kicking 9 years later, and she's the unhealthiest of

You are super inspiring, Rock. I really respect the way you are open and keep fighting, even though things aren't going well.

I am excited about what comes next... maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's AWESOME! Maybe I get reincarnated. Who knows? The mystery is exciting to me.

 

I get freaked out when I think about what will happen leading up to death. The pain and suffering etc.

 

Glad you are going to see a doctor and get some help. Try and remember that everyone gets to die, so you are very much not alone. :)

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I don't think the world could face its own existence without me, so I don't fear death. It took nearly 14 billion years for the Universe to create me; clearly I'm the culmination of some master plan. Even if that's not the case, I count on the fact that only 93% of all humans who have ever lived have died, so I figure I've got a 7% chance of being immortal.

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I am excited about what comes next... maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's AWESOME! Maybe I get reincarnated. Who knows? The mystery is exciting to me.

 

I get freaked out when I think about what will happen leading up to death. The pain and suffering etc.

 

Glad you are going to see a doctor and get some help. Try and remember that everyone gets to die, so you are very much not alone. :)

You're one of my favorite people on this planet.

 

I know it's silly and ridiculous to fear the inevitable. I know we all die, but it just terrifies me not knowing what's coming. I wish I were like you, April, in a lot of ways. You're such a strong & grounded person. I like to think I have a good handle on things and I guess that's why the concept death is my Achilles heal because I have no control. I used to be able to shrug it off, but the last 2 days have been really hard to deal with... it seems to snowball and I can't focus on much else. I hate being like this.

 

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I went through a nasty, nasty "quarter life crises" back around '95 and '96 that sounds a lot like what you're describing, Rock. I first really grasped the concept of my own mortality. This was about a year or so after my father passed away, and that brought about major changes in my life, so in my case, I think it was a way my mind dealt with all the shocks to my system, in a manner of speaking.

 

I found some solace in religious belief at the time. Now I'm not so sure. I find the idea of eternal existence to actually be far more unsettling than the notion that this is all going to end for me eventually. I have more yesterdays than tomorrows also, so I know these things can get to me. I just try not to think about it and live day to day. I'm generally successful.

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I can't claim to relate honestly. I find the thought of dying to be more peaceful than any thoughts of continued existence. The universe got along just fine without me for billions of years and it will continue to once I'm gone. I'm just an insignificant little speck whose existence could be blotted out tomorrow and it wouldn't make any difference.

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I don't get full out panic attacks, but thinking about death and mortality and what comes after death is pretty much the worst thing ever for me. I avoid doing so at all costs lest I go into a downward spiral and freak the **** out all the time. I think that's why I prefer the majority of my entertainment to focus on science fiction and fantasy, and why I write so much. I'm deluding myself with other worlds!

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When I was 8 a close childhood friend of mine was killed, so I was forced to come to grips with death at quite a young age. Trying to rationalise murder (I know it sounds crazy but it's true) when your 8 is no easy task. It has lead me to metaphysics and being interested in all concepts of afterlife and death and the very very strong possibility of fading into nothingness. I'm not afraid of any possibility. The only thing that sometimes concerns me is HOW I die not death itself.

 

I'm with copper in this. Death is just another adventure, and were all gonna do it. I'm in no hurry but there is no point worrying about inevitability. Enjoy the ride. The destination will come soon enough.

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This is kind of relative to the thing I was talking about in the other thread where I've been dealing with stuff lately, but thinking about that thing a lot has more or less made me at peace with death.

I mean it would obviously suck, but I feel like I've had a pretty eventful and fulfilling life to this point. If I were to die at 30 now, I'd feel like I'd have made an impact large enough and have lived a life full enough by this point. I'd have had a good run and I'd be okay with it, and I'd certainly rather go out on a high note and then be eternally young as I am now. The scary thing to me isn't necessarily dying relatively early, the scary thing is living a long life that's full of more failure and boredom than it is otherwise. It isn't necessarily the idea of dying "soon" or "early" that scares me at all.

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No-all my anxiety is related to trying to get through the day. I have zero fear of dying-I just fear pain. I don't want to waste or wither. And I've seen so much 'inequity' in life and death that I rarely think about my own risk factors outside planning for retirement or lack of. I smoked for 12 years, I take drugs and drink, I'm fat-but a know of about a dozen people WAY healthier than me-some younger-who have passed from WTF? things and situations, so not every person follows their most logical path. YOU could outlive everyone on this board. This is why I won't even entertain the notion of trying to figure out how and when I'll kick.

 

 

 

I know it's silly and ridiculous to fear the inevitable.

 

I don't think so. I fear inevitable things MUCH more than things I may be able to change. THEY'RE INEVITABLE, yo. THAT scares the hell out of me.

 

ALSO; this is just classic panic attack, so deal with it that way. Your brain just fixates on things sometimes. I'm learning this in therapy right now!-if you don't have a logical reason for a panic attack, sometimes your brain creates something FOR you to panic over. Or at least mine does for me. I'm learning healthy coping techniques right now and not focusing on the WHY so much, which is really counter-intuitive for me, but I'm seeing calmness seeping into all areas of my life as a result-so I think it's working.

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i don't really think about myself, but at times, i worry about my son. i don't get panic attacks, but, say for example, i'm walking across the parking lot with my son hand in hand, and a car starts to back out of a parking space. i'll start thinking what if my son got hit? what if he died? what would i do? and it's not like i think about it and move on, i'll actually stew on it, get upset about it until it bums me out. and this is just one example. there's others too, like when i'm driving or something and someone cuts me off and nearly clips me, i think about what could have happened. a car accident. my son in the back seat. doesn't make it. just creepy, haunting, terrible things that i think about. and i hate it.

 

 

you know how in movies when a person dies in a hospital, there's always one person that has a melt down? that would be me if it was my son. i'd be throwing chairs out of the hospital window, ripping the tv off the wall and spiking it and running out into the hallway, sliding onto my knees and beating the ever living crap out of the tile floor with my fists. and i'm not even remotely kidding.

 

 

 

so it's not so much i worry about my death, because i really don't. i worry about my son. it's not all the time. but when something happens that triggers these thoughts, it's definitely something that bums me out.

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I freak out about death all the time. I have my beliefs about the soul and the afterlife and things like that, but in the event that I'm wrong about those things and we simply cease to exist, I find such an idea terrifying. I can't wrap my head around the idea of my consciousness being no more. There is literally nothing to compare it to. Not even infinite blackness. You simply . . . stop thinking. You become like a table or a chair or something like that. I'm getting freaked out just typing about it.

 

Granted, some people are at peace with the idea of nonexistence. I'm not. I can only hope that what the Fathers of the Church have consistently described is the truth.

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As they say, dying is one of the few things that our species is exceedingly good at. We've had millions of years to practice, and everybody gets their turn. Even in those moments where I'm willing to fathom some sort of netherworld, afterlife existence, what I envision to be true is probably far removed from what most people would like to believe. In my mind, ego ceases to exist. "You" do not cease to exist, but all that separates you from the greater energy of the universe does. So you go on, but "you" don't exist to recognize yourself as such. "You" do not see dead relatives because they too ceased to exist in the form of mom, dad, grandpa, etc. You all just merge into God.

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for people that say they're comfortably at peace with death, wait till you're 70-80 years old and it starts REALLY becoming inevitable. Death scares the crap outta me sometimes at 25. How do you know when you're dead? It's all going then one day it stops. what comes after?

 

did anybody ever start falling asleep but their mind was still going and wouldn't go out even though their body was paralyzed? that happened to me a week ago. My body was asleep, everything went black but I was still aware. I felt trapped inside my body. It was freaky.

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Pretty sure when Im 80 im not really gonna care that much. If I feel this way now, when Im that age Im probably gonna be ready... or at least looking forward to the rest.

 

I've never met an old person who is afraid of death, and most of my grandparents are gone. They were all fairly stoic about it. If you get busy living life and have a lot to look back on fondly I dont think there is so much to fear.

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for people that say they're comfortably at peace with death, wait till you're 70-80 years old and it starts REALLY becoming inevitable. Death scares the crap outta me sometimes at 25. How do you know when you're dead? It's all going then one day it stops. what comes after?

 

did anybody ever start falling asleep but their mind was still going and wouldn't go out even though their body was paralyzed? that happened to me a week ago. My body was asleep, everything went black but I was still aware. I felt trapped inside my body. It was freaky.

That's called sleep paralysis.

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I went through something like this when I was about 23. I had my first real job, and I lost 3 out of 4 grandparents in 18 months (last one is still kicking 9 years later, and she's the unhealthiest of the lot. WTF). I'm still a little paranoid paranoid about getting hit by a bus or some sort of accident, my husband is the one who thinks he's going to catch cancer from a toliet seat (he's hitting his quarter-life crisis a little late because he's a late bloomer). Like Tami pointed out, you really never know when it's your time.

 

I think I saw how much was ahead of me (marriage, kids, career, adventures), and I didn't want to miss it. I know you've had a lot of health problems, but I know so many people who have been told, "You won't live to X" and they've blown right past that. My mom wasn't supposed to see me graduate high school 14 years ago. A high school friend's baby wasn't supposed to live more than a few months, he's successfully recovering from a revolutionary stem cell surgery. Don't let your current health issues dictate your destiny. You've made it through so much, but you need to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm glad you're going to see someone about this. Don't stop until you find someone who can help you come to grips with your mortality.

 

Also, Copper is a freak. It's kind of hot.

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You know in a weird way, I kind of would like to know the date of my death and I wouldn't mind if it were relatively soon. I'd much rather know how much time I have to get my affairs in order and do all of the things I want with that set date in mind. It would be extremely comforting actually.

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I kinda like this idea. I hope I'm a comfortable chair. A chair big enough for people to have sex on.

How about a stripper's pole? Is that an option?

 

On a more related note, I also went through a phase where the concept of sleep kind of weirded me out. The idea of the conscious mind just sort of sliding off into this strange altered state with no conscious awareness of its surroundings. Just letting go and losing control and fading out in this passive sort of way. Suffice it to say, I was quite an insomniac for a while!

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You know in a weird way, I kind of would like to know the date of my death and I wouldn't mind if it were relatively soon. I'd much rather know how much time I have to get my affairs in order and do all of the things I want with that set date in mind. It would be extremely comforting actually.

http://www.deathclock.com/

 

i don't really think about myself, but at times, i worry about my son. i don't get panic attacks, but, say for example, i'm walking across the parking lot with my son hand in hand, and a car starts to back out of a parking space. i'll start thinking what if my son got hit? what if he died? what would i do? and it's not like i think about it and move on, i'll actually stew on it, get upset about it until it bums me out. and this is just one example. there's others too, like when i'm driving or something and someone cuts me off and nearly clips me, i think about what could have happened. a car accident. my son in the back seat. doesn't make it. just creepy, haunting, terrible things that i think about. and i hate it.

 

 

you know how in movies when a person dies in a hospital, there's always one person that has a melt down? that would be me if it was my son. i'd be throwing chairs out of the hospital window, ripping the tv off the wall and spiking it and running out into the hallway, sliding onto my knees and beating the ever living crap out of the tile floor with my fists. and i'm not even remotely kidding.

 

 

 

so it's not so much i worry about my death, because i really don't. i worry about my son. it's not all the time. but when something happens that triggers these thoughts, it's definitely something that bums me out.

Pretty much this. Additionally, I only really worry about my death in terms of how it would effect my son. I don't want to miss him growing up, and I don't want him to have to deal with losing me.

 

Beyond that death doesn't really scare me that much. When I got divorced I realized that as much as the former Mrs. Tank and I liked each other, we just weren't in love. We were a good 20-something relationship that we stayed in one because there was nothing bad about it, and two because we both feared change.

 

Going through that and having it come out as perfect as it could have I realized that fear was in my way in more than one respect. I started living my life trying not get past fear of things that I couldn't control, or at the end of the day, didn't effect my life directly. Why fear talking to a girl-- if she says no, who's going to know? How does that really effect your life that somebody you just met rejects you? Why fear taking chances? Wayne Gretzky always said you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

This is not to say I am irresponsible. I'm very responsible. I don't take that many risks to my direct safety, but man, stuff I can't control deserves about 0% of my time. I can stave off death by being healthier, not jaywalking, not jumping off cliffs. But worrying about not waking up or crashing in a plane or slipping on the ground and cracking my head open? Living that way is the worst.

 

It was really hard to get out of that frame of mind, but my life has changed 100% since I did.

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The kid thing still terrifies me. Almost losing Ethan was the worst thing I've ever been through, hands down. Last night he was choking on a big of sweet potato, and I felt all that fear coming back. He is going to be my special kid, I swear. Do you still worry about Olivier like that, or not really?

 

I'm really weird in that I don't dream about my kids. I've had precisely one dream about Quinn, ever. And in it she was running away from me because she didn't want to do something and ran out into the street and almost got hit by a car and I had to tackle her to get her to stop from running out in the street again because she thought it was funny. I think my brain knows I'm not equipped to handle bad dreams about my kids and just shuts that stuff down and doesn't even allow me to go down that path. Quinn is kind of crazy but I think she's one of those kids who is probably going to end up with a broken bone one of these days, hopefully nothing worse than that.

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From prior conversations I knew that only Rock and Mara had this kind of thing in common with me, which is one reason I have so much affection for them both. They're the only two people who can really relate to what I go through. Waking up in the middle of the night in a full panicked contemplation of the endless eternity of NOTHING to awaits us. We had such an eternity of nothing before we came into existence and that's what's waiting for us to return to in a few short years. It's pure Hell.

 

Like Mara, I try not to indulge it, I do everything in my power to distract from it, and most of the time that works. Only about 4-5 times a year am I really fully in its power. Then life moves on until the next time.

 

It's a very weird, very specific thing. I don't think anybody who hasn't endured it can really understand what it feels like or how it's always waiting in the shadows.

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The kid thing still terrifies me. Almost losing Ethan was the worst thing I've ever been through, hands down. Last night he was choking on a big of sweet potato, and I felt all that fear coming back. He is going to be my special kid, I swear. Do you still worry about Olivier like that, or not really?

 

I'm really weird in that I don't dream about my kids. I've had precisely one dream about Quinn, ever. And in it she was running away from me because she didn't want to do something and ran out into the street and almost got hit by a car and I had to tackle her to get her to stop from running out in the street again because she thought it was funny. I think my brain knows I'm not equipped to handle bad dreams about my kids and just shuts that stuff down and doesn't even allow me to go down that path. Quinn is kind of crazy but I think she's one of those kids who is probably going to end up with a broken bone one of these days, hopefully nothing worse than that.

I don't dream about Noah either. Trevor had a dream one time that he and Noah were swimming in the ocean and this Under the Dome like barrier appeared between them. Noah was on the outside. That was enough for me. Wasn't even my dream.

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