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So how do you feel about polyamory?

If I had to pick the three most commonly heard reactions to this topic, they would be:

  • "It's great idea that works for those who haven't been socially conditioned into a 'monogamy or the highway' mindset. People ought to try before criticizing!"
  • "It's just a clever/self-serving way of legitimizing out-of-relationship lust, emotional greed, and/or inability to commit!"
  • "To be honest, it makes me uncomfortable, but in some ways, it sounds like a more honest way of going about human relationships."
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I have absolutely no problem with it. I wouldn't go so far as to say people should "try" it if they're not inclined toward it. Similarly, I don't think the default attitude in a relationship should be towards monogamy. Look how many marriages end in divorce because of affairs. I'm not suggesting that these marriages would have been open to polyamory from the get-go, but I am suggesting that they might not have resulted in divorce had there been more open and honest discussion of desires.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

Personally, it's not for me, but as long as it is between consenting, fully informed adults, and no one is taking advantage or coercing another, it's none of my business.

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What's the difference between polyamory and being a swinger? Or in an open relationship?

Dr. Hibbert: "You don't forget a thing like... Siamese twins!"

Lisa Simpson: "I believe they prefer to be called 'conjoined twins.'"

Dr. Hibbert: "And hillbillies prefer to be called 'sons of the soil,' but it ain't gonna happen."

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Ah I'm with you now.

 

The only couple I have met who are swingers have what appears to be the happiest, most stable marriage I have ever seen. They have been married 15 years and are still absolutely in love with one and other and are just about up for anything. Dunno if I could do it, but if it floats the boat who am I to judge?

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I had a threesome once-upon-a-time, while married. It was fun, but I don't foresee my spouse ever being willing to do it again. Which is a shame, because I love the idea of swinging. So long as I'm in the middle of the people sandwich being told what to do. Or pimped out. Either would float my boat.

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What's the difference between polyamory and being a swinger? Or in an open relationship?

Dr. Hibbert: "You don't forget a thing like... Siamese twins!"

Lisa Simpson: "I believe they prefer to be called 'conjoined twins.'"

Dr. Hibbert: "And hillbillies prefer to be called 'sons of the soil,' but it ain't gonna happen."

 

Heh. But have you ever tried calling a couple of committed polys "swingers"?

 

If you ever do, in the immortal words of Dio: LOOK OUT!

 

At least in their mind, polyamory is way different -- elevated/evolved, classy, what have you -- than swinging, which is crass, devolved, for biker chicks and guys with hairy chests and gaudy jewelry ONLY.

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Well there are certainly different shades of non-monogamy. There are some swingers who are as casual as hooking up for sex from a wanted ad. Then you've got open relationships where the partners may have a truly intimate relationship with a second partner. And then you've got all the in-between: fuck buddies, etc.

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I couldn't care less about it. I've never tried it on purpose, but I see nothing morally wrong with it. I don't care who does it or where they do it as long as all parties are legal adults and willing.

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So if I'm reading this right, people around here like to talk the talk but not walk the walk. Apparently everybody is not as into group sex as they like to post. We must get Jacob's opinion.

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But poly couples are completely honest with each other about what they want, so there is more honesty and no jealousy. Seems way less stressful than one "spouse."

 

:eek:

I do hope you're being facetious. My husband and I communicate pretty well and have a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean we're perfect and don't drive each other nuts sometimes. To suggest that being more open and "honest" sexually means that translates into all other avenues of a relationship is a joke.
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But poly couples are completely honest with each other about what they want, so there is more honesty and no jealousy. Seems way less stressful than one "spouse."

 

:eek:

I do hope you're being facetious. My husband and I communicate pretty well and have a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean we're perfect and don't drive each other nuts sometimes. To suggest that being more open and "honest" sexually means that translates into all other avenues of a relationship is a joke.

 

Oh, it's definitely a joke. I am sure there are polys who work great together long-term, but in my admittedly limited experience with people who live the life, somebody always seems to become jealous, petty, and/or butt-hurt (figuratively, though literally is also possible) with the arrangement over time.

 

It's funniest when the one who suggests it ends up being the one who decides it was a terrible idea. What? You're 45 with a beer-gut and ugly stretched tattoos, a "job" rather than a "career," and a raging mid-life crisis that demands you seek validation and intimacy from younger females outside of your marriage. Your wife -- to everybody's shock -- went along with it, and now you can't handle the fact that this skinny and attractive 37-year-old woman has a literal pack of other men sniffing and pawing at the door trying to get at her? How's them "expanded frontiers" workin' out for ya now?

 

Of course, you could say the same about most monogamous relationships as well: the well-worn 50% of marriages end in divorce stat, and how the vast majority of non-married couples go their own way eventually. So to say poly relationships are any more "doomed" is probably not accurate -- though it may be other factors that bring them to an end (i.e. not the typical disagreements over finances, child-rearing and other stresses, or differing views on the importance and frequency of sexytime).

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I know that the S&M scene is pretty much poly by default. But when they're doing a scene, as often as not sex isn't involved. But that's not to say that it can't be intimate (in a BDSM sort of way). We went to an SM meeting once and they sort of spoke on some topic for awhile then they dispersed to play. As soon as we saw these three-hundred pound women hop in a hot tub and get topless, we decided that it was time for us to leave.

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I had a threesome once-upon-a-time, while married. It was fun, but I don't foresee my spouse ever being willing to do it again. Which is a shame, because I love the idea of swinging. So long as I'm in the middle of the people sandwich being told what to do. Or pimped out. Either would float my boat.

Just reading this is actually physically exhausting me. Being in between two lovers SHOULD turn me on, but the first thought to come to my mind is asphyxiation. I suppose this is a pretty solid indicator that I'm over the hill, as it were, but the idea of a threesome just sounds like a lot of work, and an orgy might as well be the twelve labors of Hercules.

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We must get Jacob's opinion.

I could get into polyamory as long as I'm allowed to do it and my wife isn't.

 

Shouldn't you just be happy that you've convinced at least one person to keep having sex with you?

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