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Say Something Random II - Eclectic Depression


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Lyra has some struggles learning new things a decent amount of the time. One of the things she does that really frustrates both of us is she feigns ignorance and helplessness around men. She'll do something perfect all day, and then I come home from work and suddenly she needs help. I don't know if she's just trying to get attention from me or what, but she does it around both her grandpas too. And it's not like I do anything to foster this.

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Using this soapbox to vent:

My anxiety has come back with an extreme and violent vengeance this past week. I was doing really good for over a year, but there were a lot of life events and bad luck two weeks ago that seems to have triggered it and brought it out of the woodwork.

The last time around I was experiencing a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred because I was hard on myself about my career and accomplishments. I'd learned not to put too much stock on that and instead focus on the relationships and people in my life. Now that's the problem this time around. Two weeks ago, two of my best friends broke it off in pretty bad ways with their respective significant others. It just sort of shellshocked me to see how quickly people I thought were important in life just disappeared and cut me off. It made me wonder how long my existing relationships can or will last. All of my time and investment building them could ultimately mean nothing in the long run.

Last night I had a horrific panic attack. My wife and I were out watching fireworks and all of a sudden I just couldn't function or deal with anything. I had to run home and I just sat quietly in my office room for over an hour before I could even come outside and talk about anything. It just really bothered me when I saw families and friends out and enjoying themselves. I realized that the important people in my life were all out doing fun things and I wasn't a part of it. I know it's not logical, but I just became instantly horrified that I could be drifting away from them in some shape or form.

Now today I've been running circles in my mind mounting evidence of how unimportant I am. Retracing events in which I wasn't invited, was forgotten, or didn't matter. I may be on to something, or I may be totally illogical about it. I don't know.

It's horrible. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

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Pop-punk bands deserve a lot of respect. It's really hard to merge two completely different types of music and make it suck so bad.

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Guest Robin

A few years ago I wrote a 120 page "short story" which starts out feeling like a "bad dad/hangover" comedy in journal form, then spirals into madness involving possible alien involvement leading up to the lead going missing. I wrote it in 140 character pieces, yep, Twitter style. I started posting it but made a crucial miscalculation in my release idea... in order for the story to feel real, War of the Worlds style, I used my own Twitter and had already calculated the time needed between posts to account for events to occur and travel time. Less than a handful of posts in I scared my son to his core, I hadn't realize he was following me. Oops. So that project ended, but maybe one day on a fake account.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My old boss keeps sending friends of mine that work for him to see if I'm interested in coming back. Two different guys in the last two weeks. I really hate the dead end job I am at, and I took a substantial pay cut to make the switch, but I don't ever want to work for that guy again. I thought I burned the bridge good too. Last time I saw him I spent 3 minutes screaming at him, telling him exactly what I thought of him, then threw my work phone on his desk and said "fuck you, we're done". I wish the ****er would quit tempting me. I know I could get myself a $10/hr raise out of him and it's hard to turn that down now matter how much I hate him.

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I know one of those!

 

My new job may be the best job ever. I got a call from a guy worried that insurance companies aren't properly rating policies for the danger posed by Nazis. To clarify: this is in no way related to neo-Nazis. Purely actual Nazis who are going to be launching another war from Germany.

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Guest El Chalupacabra

Not that I follow fighting at all, but am I the only one who thinks Conor McGregor is a douche and hopes Mayweather hands him his ass?

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