Say Something Random II - Eclectic Depression

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Just a quick post, but thank you Spam.

[Destiny Skywalker]

So my Dad is still in a rehab hospital. He is able to walk short distances, but still has a feed tube in his stomach and can't stand up unassisted. This week will be his 3rd week, and medicare may not renew rehab for a 4th, though I hope they do. But the bad news is I think his mind is going, and I am 90% sure no matter how long he is at rehab, he isn't going to get to go home, since he lives alone. Which means on his budget, he is going to a group home. I've been visiting a few a social worker is helping me find on my Dad's budget, but holy crap are some of them terrible. I love my Dad very much, but part of me wishes he went into hospice back in December. And I feel guilty as eff for thinking that way.

I think a lot of us with aging parents eventually get to this point and its HARD. I felt really guilty wishing I hadn't let them intubate my mom, but it would've been the merciful thing to do. I know it sounds crazy but do not feel guilty for wanting a merciful ending for your dad. Watching my mom and uncle die over a period of 4 years really changed how I view death and dying. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in a place where I want to live and I would fight like hell if I got an awful diagnosis because of my kids, but when I get older I will be ready to make peace with living a good life like my uncle did.

 

Check out every place possible (and I know that's hard). By group home do you mean skilled nursing or like an adult family home? Skilled nursing isn't that terrible, it's just depressing as hell.

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Thank you to both Spam and Destiny.

 

When my Mom passed away a few years ago, she passed away in her sleep and didn't suffer. It is hard seeing my Dad go through all he is going through, because he never wanted to linger. As for the group home I mentioned, they are skilled nursing facilities. But unlike a nursing facility that is more like a hospital setting, what I am referring to are literal houses that were converted to take care of patients, and certified nurses work, and sometimes live there. They typically start out at $2500 a month, and go up from there.

[Ms. Spam]

Oh yeah, the expenses are amazing/mind blowing for a CLEAN skilled nursing home. Those well off parents of my Step-Mom that had the money to pay for their stay so they wouldn't be much of a burden were paying 3900$ a month for the facility they were at in the 90s. Now that same nursing facility is close to 6k a month. I live right down the street from the place. The nurses were amazing but they get paid pretty good which helps. The food was good too. It didn't look like hospital food and they had a chef. The worst part is medicaid only pays up to a certain amount.

 

I think the choices are so hard and we feel this. I know without a doubt when the time comes for my Dad and step-mom it's going to really hard for me. What makes it worse is the parent doesn't want to be a burden (unless they are like my Dad's parents were and are kinda starting to lose some faculties and don't understand what is going on). These are the parents that have done the most for me so I feel I its up to me to make sure they are comfortable and that their choices are respected. But they're in their late 70s and just drove from GA to come to Texas for spring break. So health wise even though my Dad is overweight and on a CPAP and my step-mom is a diabetic they are still getting out doing stuff and living.

 

Sometimes you can cut costs by doing your Dad's laundry instead of paying the facility to do it. Someone at my Church does this for her Mom. She picks up the laundry and washes it and brings it back. Saves a bit. Check local Jewish retirement homes. They are open to all faiths and non-believers but surprisingly clean and not as much as some other places (from my experience when my Grandma in Arizona has fallen and needed rehab where she stayed in these facilities). I forget what the website is but there's a place you check online for complaints made about facilities. Sometimes you can also cut costs if you do two meals a day at the facility and then bring him snacks to eat for the third meal.

 

When you go and check out homes there's usually a small tour they give. Watch the nurses to see what attitude they have. Their patients are often cranky and how they respond to say a difficult patient will say a lot. Check to see how noisy it is and what kind of noises. For example are the patients talking and interacting or do they seem drugged and the place is silent? Does someone with a mental issue scream a lot from her mental state and no one responds (my Mom had that in her rehab home when she broke her hip)? Do they offer stuff for seniors to do? Can they get free rides to doctors appointments or say the grocery store? If not how much does it cost? Can they get a hair cut? What my ex did for his grandma is he contributed to an account once a week for stuff. So she could get a wash and set or if they were offering to take the seniors to bingo she could pay to play.

[Destiny Skywalker]

Thank you to both Spam and Destiny.

 

When my Mom passed away a few years ago, she passed away in her sleep and didn't suffer. It is hard seeing my Dad go through all he is going through, because he never wanted to linger. As for the group home I mentioned, they are skilled nursing facilities. But unlike a nursing facility that is more like a hospital setting, what I am referring to are literal houses that were converted to take care of patients, and certified nurses work, and sometimes live there. They typically start out at $2500 a month, and go up from there.

That sounds like what we call an adult family home out here. My mom didn't qualify because she required a transfer, even though she had her own Hoyer lift. I would've preferred something like that for her. Skilled nursing is just hard because those people are usually very old or aren't all there. My mom had her complete mental facilities until her hypoxic event, so she was very lonely.

 

Does your dad have a substantial estate? I assume he has Medicare but not Medicaid? My mom had to spend down most of her money before she qualified for Medicaid (wasn't hard, she was pretty broke), but after that, they paid for the difference between my mom's meager SS check and the cost of skilled nursing. Mom got to keep $60 per month. I don't know what your dad's financial situation is, but I think that's the only way most people afford skilled nursing.

[Iceheart]

Does your dad have a substantial estate? I assume he has Medicare but not Medicaid? My mom had to spend down most of her money before she qualified for Medicaid (wasn't hard, she was pretty broke), but after that, they paid for the difference between my mom's meager SS check and the cost of skilled nursing. Mom got to keep $60 per month. I don't know what your dad's financial situation is, but I think that's the only way most people afford skilled nursing.

This. My great-uncle was robbed of all his savings by a family friend, and was destitute when he was finally admitted to a nursing home. Medicaid kept him in a nice home for two years with full care at no cost to him or us. He also got the $60 per month stipend, but he never spent it beyond the occasional hair cut, since we took care of his clothes and personal items.

 

Best of luck, Chalup.

[The Choc]

Something random:

 

If you shuffle a deck of cards really well so that the cards are in a truly random order there is almost no chance that the exact same order of cards has ever existed in the history of the world.

[Ms. Spam]

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

 

Does your dad have a substantial estate? I assume he has Medicare but not Medicaid? My mom had to spend down most of her money before she qualified for Medicaid (wasn't hard, she was pretty broke), but after that, they paid for the difference between my mom's meager SS check and the cost of skilled nursing. Mom got to keep $60 per month. I don't know what your dad's financial situation is, but I think that's the only way most people afford skilled nursing.

 

Not really. He has savings, but probably only enough to last him in 24/7 care for 6 months. He's on Medicare advantage, in conjunction with UHC, but no medicaide. AZ has something similar called AHCCCS that works with medicaid, but my Dad is one of those income levels where he doesn't have enough to sustain himself in 24/7 care for very long, but too much to qualify for AHCCCS/Medicaid, which would be through a plan called ALTCS (geared for seniors who can't afford long term care).

 

The thing is, in order to qualify, he will have to spend down his savings, then basically be nearly destitute before they can step in and help pay for his care. This also means any money he receives over the $2200/month income limit has to go into an irrevocable trust that the state gets upon his demise.

 

I have been trying to talk my dad into applying now, and placing his money into the trust to qualify for ALTCS, but he is refusing to do it now, and my brother is against it as well. My brother has medical power of attorney like I do, so he has equal say. So, unless and until something changes, I am at an impasse.

[Ms. Spam]

OH man, I hope he sees the light of the Trust and gets ALTCS. Sending you even more good juju. It makes me SOOOOOOO mad that everything has to be sold to the point that they have to live like paupers to get help. This one of the reasons my grandma in Arizona has been living in her own house legally blind for 30 years. She's still able to do for herself but it's getting harder for her. But she doesn't want to lose everything she worked so hard for just so she can live with what the state will mete out for pennies.

 

This is one of my biggest issues with how federal help is and what needs to be fixed by the government.

[Odine]

Its tough to know what to say to someone in your situation Chalup, I have no wisdom or advice to offer. Thinking of you and your pops.

[Ms. Spam]

I don't give a F about R. Kelly. Seriously.

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Neither do I, but it's interesting that today's heinous crimes were 2003's comedy gold.

 

 

 

...and yet it's still comedy gold, when R Kelly melts down in 2019.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/r-kelly-interview-breaks-his-silence-sexual-abuse-claims-today-2019-03-07/

 

 

[Guest]

I've been sick for two weeks. Getting progressively worse. One of our local hospital groups has freestanding ERs. Things got really really bad on Wednesday, went to one, they basically said get over it, gave me some Zofran for vomiting and sent me home. Within the hour I was in so much pain and so sick that I was in tears. Went to a different ER, they kept me for 24 hours and sent me home, even though I was getting worse. Now at a third ER, and have a friend who is a nurse practitioner coming to act as am advocate because so far two places haven't taken it seriously.

 

They just took my vitals and my temp is 104, and I'm doubled over with stomach pain so I'm legitimately sick enough to be at the hospital. Not treating it like a doctor's office.

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Hope you feel better soon. I've been sick for about 1.5 weeks too, but not as bad off as you. I'm on antibiotics which helped a lot.

[Guest]

There's a lot of stuff going around. I can normally get in to see my doctor same day if I call first thing in the morning and there's a minimum 3-4 day wait.

[Odine]

That sounds sooo shit. Soz Fozz.

[Jacen123]

That really sucks, Fozzie. I hope this one will actually treat you and that you start feeling better!

[Guest El Chalupacabra]

Fozzie, you should go to an ER with a temp and issues like that, if your PCP is saying 3-4 days.

[Tank]

I know that everyone will just blow this off as a super white first world problem-- but making TV is incredibly frustrating and soul crushing some days. All those funny stories about studio exec interference with terrible ideas and poor decisions are 100% true. There's nothing like working weeks on something only to have to obliterated by an exec 20 years younger than me who isn't smart enough to track concepts in a show made for teenagers.

[Cerina]

I'll come deal with your Hollywood BS if you come deal with raising my toddler. We can switch back when the show premieres or when the toddler is potty-trained, whichever comes first. Whadda say?

[Destiny Skywalker]

I've been sick for two weeks. Getting progressively worse. One of our local hospital groups has freestanding ERs. Things got really really bad on Wednesday, went to one, they basically said get over it, gave me some Zofran for vomiting and sent me home. Within the hour I was in so much pain and so sick that I was in tears. Went to a different ER, they kept me for 24 hours and sent me home, even though I was getting worse. Now at a third ER, and have a friend who is a nurse practitioner coming to act as am advocate because so far two places haven't taken it seriously.

 

They just took my vitals and my temp is 104, and I'm doubled over with stomach pain so I'm legitimately sick enough to be at the hospital. Not treating it like a doctor's office.

Have they checked your appendix? Seriously that is scary.

[Destiny Skywalker]

I know that everyone will just blow this off as a super white first world problem-- but making TV is incredibly frustrating and soul crushing some days. All those funny stories about studio exec interference with terrible ideas and poor decisions are 100% true. There's nothing like working weeks on something only to have to obliterated by an exec 20 years younger than me who isn't smart enough to track concepts in a show made for teenagers.

Corporate America, dude. Substitute making movies for designing airplanes and you are living my life.

[Odine]

Or designing anything for that matter. Creatives always have their ideas shat on by someone in buying, or marketing, or further up the chain, who doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about but thinks its a great idea to cut corners on materials for the sake of expense, or jettison a really good idea because they think its "too out there" for the consumer so they make another white trainer (sneaker) instead, despite the fact they already have 10 that look the same.

[Guest]

 

Fozzie, you should go to an ER with a temp and issues like that, if your PCP is saying 3-4 days.

Thanks, I was already at an ER when I posted that. They're taking it seriously. They found that I developed pneumonia over the past couple days, so they have me on IV antibiotics. They also were treating my fever very aggressively. I had a nurse and a head nurse in my room last night. My heart rate is crazy too, which scares them. My normal resting heart rate is 70, now it's at around 110. Trying to experiment with eating but that has mostly gone poorly.

 

 

Have they checked your appendix? Seriously that is scary.

Appendix and gallbladder are both gone. My body is really weird and I was in the hospital for four days on morphine. The tests all came back negative, but my PCP has a son who operates on the hospital I was in, and they based it on symptoms. Turned out my appendix was ready to burst but it didn't look like it because it was turned 90 degrees. So who really knows what is going on now.