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Say Something Random II - Eclectic Depression


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I turn on the morning news and they're at this local haunted woods walk thing that I've never been to. And they're interviewing the actress who plays the Crazy Cat Lady.

 

No, really, they have this cabin that has a bunch of plush cat toys and this lady lurks in the corner wearing a grandma sweatshirt.

 

Because being a spinster is apparently the scariest thing you can be.

 

Anyway, Imma pitch my new horror movie idea to you guys:

 

A truly crazy cat lady who offs p*ssy grabbing men and feeds them to her cats. Because irony.

 

I mean, yeah, AHS kinda already did it, but with dogs and that's different.

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For a Halloween prank, I just interspersed my usual break room slide presentation with stills from the Ring video.

 

My boss says it's my best work yet, but that I may finally hear complaints.

 

I also quoted Princess Leia, and included a picture of Corey Feldman. I'm an artist.

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So getting back to the depression aspect of this thread...

 

I'm about THISfuckINGCLOSE to completely losing my shit. I mean completely. I feel completely disconnected from my husband, and because of this (I think) I feel like I'm shouldering the weight of this entire family and business on my own. And I don't know how people do it. Trevor's business keeps riding these waves of inactivity/overwhelming activity, and he has all the planning and executive functioning skills of a potato. So I'm doing all of the planning, bookkeeping and billing, scheduling, job quoting (which requires A LOT of research on materials and time and such...which is also an ordeal because Trevor can't properly estimate the time a job will take to save his life so I have to figure out how long it takes others and figure it out from there.) Basically, I do everything for this business except the actual labor. But then on top of it all, I can plan out everything (and I mean EVERYTHING, you guys know I'm a planner) and he will go out and completely disregard what I've done which makes things even more difficult. And since it's not like he's seriously screwing anything up, he's just mismanaging time or resources (neither of which is unlimited!!!!!! fuck!), he doesn't want to see how his "mistakes" or "oversights" or "misunderstandings" are basically nickel and dimeing us out of time and money (and my sanity but who the fuck cares about that, am i rite?)

 

So we've talked about this and talked about this and talked about this...and nothing. And with each little tiny thing something breaks in me just a little bit more.

 

And I'm nearly 110% sure that the baby is going to wind up with an ADHD diagnosis. I know babies aren't known for staying still or their judgment, but I swear to you that this kid takes it to a new level. I have 2 close friends with highly ADHD kids (that's why they had to homeschool) and they both tell me that Luke reminds them of their sons as babies. This kid requires 2 sets of eyes at all times. (And it would be a little more manageable if there wasn't so much shit in my house. My house is basically just a storage unit now for crap. Just crap. Trevor finds crap at these foreclosed homes and brings it home. I don't know why. But the crap is currently taking over the entire house, and it's forced all of Trevor's tools and equipment, yes the tools and equipment that are our life-blood right now, to live outside in our backyard. Yes. Just outside, free for anyone with the wherewithal to climb the fence and clean us about of thousands of dollars. And outside exposed to the elements. But please don't get me started on this whole issue as well...my point is that there is so much shit in the house and the baby tries to chew/climb all over everything. It's practically a ****ing deathtrap for a baby.) I would have completely lost it months ago if it weren't for Noah. Noah. My 8 year old. I'm putting way too much responsibility and pressure on that poor kid, and because he's completely amazing he's just risen to the challenge. But I can't keep expecting him to parent his younger brother with me. That's not fair to him. He needs his own time to do his thing, and he needs time with me to do schoolwork and just bond. He's barely getting any of that because both of us are constantly having to chase around this magical transporting baby.

 

Plus, our schedule is just...wow. We have something to do or somewhere to be every damn day. I'm overscheduled and I know it. But it's all for Noah, and he's not overwhelmed. In fact, he loves everything that we do. So I would feel like complete shit if I were to try to drop even one thing off the schedule.

 

And all I do is break down crying all the time. With only this poor amazing little 8 year old to witness and try to comfort me. How fucked up is that?

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Guest El Chalupacabra

For what it's worth Cerina, it sounds like you are under a ton of stress and I am sorry to read what you are going through. I hope things get better for you really soon.

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Ooof, Reese. Yes, you are super stressed and need a drink or a Target shopping trip by yourself or both. As for Trevor, he may just not be cut out to be an independent contractor. And owning a small business and having your spouse do the books when one of you is anal-retentive and the other is not is a really good way to ruin your marriage. I know you think you're propping up the family by doing this because he can't afford to fail, but you're doing it at the sacrifice of your marriage and your personal well-being. This was really toxic to my parents' marriage and the years of sniping and criticizing took their toll.

 

Could Trevor get with a franchise to help him with his planning skills or just avoid them? Something like Mr. Handyman or another business looking for handymen? My dad was a great optometrist who really cared about his patients but a terrible business owner. Selling his practice was a huge relief and allowed him things like vacation time and a 401k.

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I will give suggestions if you want them, but for now, I LOVE YOU and so wish I could take just one thing off your back:(. Is it possible for you to get away, even if only for half a day? Go to the library, a movie, a spa??? Sit on a corner and weep? Cause, girlfriend, I don't know how anybody could accomplish everything you're trying to do alone. Any one of these along with your own personal shit would have me sitting in a corner, singing happy birthday and rocking. Something's gotta give for you, Reese. Nobody wants to read about you in the paper in some bell tower. If YOU break, your family's going to be at sea. Ask Noah what he'd do. :)

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