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Character Assassination - James


6 replies to this topic

#1
Foxglove

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The first thing I ever noticed about James was how tall he is. I am the typical 5' ballerina height so most people are tall to me, but James dwarfed even normal sized grown men. I'm terrible at judging heights numberwise so let's just say he was taller than your average horse but not quite as tall as a giraffe. He could reach the first couple rows of apples on a tree with his mouth, though. If he didn't have hands, I mean. But with this height James refused to play basketball in high school. Yea, I know, right?

The second thing I ever noticed about him was the hair. He has the kind of short spikey hair that only really confident men can bring about in any truly masculine way. The bastard has to be using product on it to keep it looking so good, but he always denied this.

The less we talk about his clothes the better. He dresses like somebody who eats out of garbage cans. I mean, the guy wears vests every day and not in the ironic way. For serious. Yea, I know. I know.

His worst feature is his eyes. He has woman lashes. They're too long and not very manly at all. They're the kind of lashes you need if you cry a lot. And they don't curl right. Lashes should curl up and his curl down. It's very disturbing.

But his smile takes me away like a Calgon ad. Just friggin' shoot me already.

#2
ShadowDog

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I like it. Another killer last line too. :drool:

#3
Iceheart

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But with this height James refused to play basketball in high school. Yea, I know, right?


As a fellow tall person, I approve :P

Nice job :D

#4
Antilla

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If anything is worse than a Caeser cut, it's the zero-gravity hair. Especially zero-gravity stalagmite style. It sheds all geotropic tendencies and instantly becomes the arch-villain to errant balloons everywhere.

That's just not natural.

Balloons are our friends.

#5
ShadowDog

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No ****ing doubt. An actress I work with keeps trying to get me to go the spiky hair route. NOT happening, brahette.

#6
Copper

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This got me thinking about why a man would lie about using hair products on his hair. What does one gain from that? Does your badass factor rise solely because you have kickass hair?

Anyways. Nice work Foxglove!

#7
Sonny

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Men her age and their hair baffle me. The kid who plays the Twilight vampire went on and on about how he doesn't wash his hair when doing those movies so it has a natural greasy look. Why would you reveal this? And why doesn't it lesson his appeal to teenage fans?



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