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Lines, yo. Part Deux


7 replies to this topic

#1
Svenn

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Bob finished his breakfast alone, wondering if anybody thought of him as normal. What the hell was normal anyway? "Ah, who cares," he thought, and then he started to think about more important things, such as whether he would be able to find more brains in time to scramble with his eggs for tomorrow's breakfast.

#2
Svenn

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I just realized I should have put this in the same topic as my other one. Sorry about that.

#3
Antilla

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You've completely ruined the aesthetics of the Amphitheatre.

*BANNED*

Actually I can't ban people. Just pretend.

#4
Sonny

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I was bored with this until the last line, which blew my mind. What a fantastic bait and switch!

#5
ShadowDog

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Yeah, you did the writing equivalent of a rope a dope here. It's very clever, man. I'm going to have to remember this technique for a killer opening line. :drool:

#6
Svenn

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I guess the danger is if people get bored and stop reading at the second line. I really like the idea of surprise in stories, though. This was my way of condensing a surprise into the first couple of lines, I guess. Anyway, I'm glad you guys liked it.

#7
Cashmere

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I'm intrigued by how he "finds" brains. Does he kill people or animals? Does he hunt for roadkill? Does he print off pictures from the Internet and tear them up? So many questions!

#8
GreenLightBaby

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LOL Well that's putting the gun on the mantle in the very beginning of the story.



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