Jump to content

Welcome to Nightly.Net
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!
Photo

KD's teeny little cute things.


9 replies to this topic

#1
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts

Installment One
Love


"She burns like the sun, and I can’t look away…"

How apt. My favorite Muse song coming up on random just as she slid across my scrupulously chosen line of vision.

I don’t know how long I’ve loved her, or how long she’s known enough about me to not care. It seems, I’m sure, much longer than it really is.

I surrendered to inevitability and let my eyes cling to her; every curve, every line of her face and body had carved an irrevocable impression on my retinas into which only she fit perfectly. I felt my mouth beginning to water.

Matt Bellamy crooned a warning: "She’ll burn our horizons, make no mistake."

I knew. I knew it was a mistake. But I also knew I was going to make it anyway.

Just then, her intensely green eyes favored me with a cursory glance. And that was when my ever honest mp3 player pulled up Supermassive Black Hole.

#2
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts

Installment Two
Apathy


The cursor blinked incessantly at me. For some reason, it made me think of a kid with ADHD trying to play Hide-and-Go-Seek...too active to remain hidden for long.

This damn paper was due a week ago. I knew my prof was being lenient - which is more than I would have done for myself. But I also knew he didn't know the real root of the problem: I just couldn't make myself care about anything else but her.

My room was disgusting.
I hadn't eaten proper food in a while.
My homework probably had a cramp from sitting in one place for too long.
I had a few months worth of mail, sitting in haphazard piles all over.
The only reason I showered was because there was always the chance we might pass each other in a hallway.

I knew. I knew it was pathetic and more-than-marginally creepy. But I also knew there wasn't anything I was going to do about changing it.

She burns like the sun. And I can't look away.

#3
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts

Installment Three
Rage


My hands gripped the sides of the sink, fingers white-hot with pressure. My chest heaved.

Somewhere inside, the tiny voice of reason I'd sequestered there whispered, "What made you think you ever had a chance?"

I screamed. My throat burned with the force of my anger. I screamed and screamed, then drove my fist into the mirror.

Hateful reflection. It recognized what I had become, even if I did not, and I hated it's honesty.

I knew. I knew this had been coming all along. But I also knew that I had been asking for it.

Blood spattered. I felt my heart implode.

[note: Muse's "Hysteria" was a fantastic inspiration for this bit. The very last line is in fact from the song and I lay no claim whatsoever to it's awesomeness. LISTEN TO IT.]

Edited by Kokeshi_Doll769, 22 March 2009 - 02:27 PM.


#4
Copper

Copper

    I am groot

  • Member
  • 12,595 posts
KD!!! I am SO excited you are back and writing for us again! Lovely to read. You use the first person narrative extremely well.

The bit with the mirror in the rage portion was very powerful. Nice job, muchacha!

#5
ElfinYoda

ElfinYoda

    Oh my god Becky, look at her Big Book...

  • Members
  • 7,184 posts
I agree with everything Copper said!! :D

Your rage portion really got to me. I also like your writing style a lot. I sometimes feel mine own writing is stale, dry; but your writing is deliciously drenching! :D

#6
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts
:blush:

thanks ladies

#7
Cashmere

Cashmere

    puppy mama

  • Reading Winner Rd 1
  • 7,265 posts
You can certainly pack a punch in a small little package. I really like the progression. I can't wait to see how it concludes!

#8
Antilla

Antilla

    ET phone gnome

  • Members
  • 1,151 posts
I think the apathy section was the best. But there is something about using specific song titles, bands ... well, brand names I guess ... yeah, it always makes me cringe. There's nothing wrong about it, but I assume you pick a certain song or band because they make you feel a certain way, and I would like to see you use your words to tackle the feelings yourself instead of passing it off to someone you think did a better job. Know what I mean?

#9
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts
Yeah, I understand where you're coming from, and in my head the songs are there because that's what the character is listening to...sort of background music to the scene.

Which is hard to convey in 175 words w/out becoming redundant.

p.s. I'm still going to post the hope part. as soon as I get it written...

#10
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

  • Members
  • 5,221 posts

Installment Four
HOPE


Sunlight squeezes in through my eyelids as tears squeeze out.

Just end it all. Just. End it.

I pour all the poise I have left into holding the razor blade. It hovers, hungry, just above my pulse. It strikes.

Time passes. It swirls like the cords of my blood across the floor. I wane, and welcome it.

Then…

Faint echoes of sound push softly at my head, an orchestra of unfamiliar voices.

"{Oh my gosh, who’s that?}…in there to brush her teeth [She’s lost lots of blood.] and comes back out (I don’t know.), white as a sheet, said she found this girl {Gwen found her?} bleeding to death (Yeah.) on the floor. [She’ll need at least one transfusion.]"

In the midst of the confusion, one voice. The clarity of it hushes the surrounding chaos. It is her voice – coming from her lips –

“Please…is there anything I can do to help?”

speaking of me, to me, about me, through me, as I have ever ached to hear.

Crescendo.



Reply to this topic