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Thomas Alan's Mini's


4 replies to this topic

#1
Thomas Alan

Thomas Alan

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LOVE

She kept him waiting. He loathed that.

Sitting back, he lifted his head from his book to stare into space. Occupying that space were the delicate features of a purple-haired girl. Eyes locking, she gazed at him with the dispassion of a predator. A default expression he knew well. Where others would interpret her expressionless gaze as contempt, he saw kin. Unconsciously, she worked her jaw exposing the teeth destined to bite his lower lip in mere hours.

The lone obstruction to that future returned. Too late for her. Holding her chin, he brushed his lips against her on their way to her ear and whispered, "I'll be home Saturday. Pick your things up then. Nose-to-nose he watched her confusion turn to horror. Lover's smile never flickering, he removed their apartment key from her chain and returned them to her front pocket.

The past forgotten, the man placed the apartment key in the purple-haired girl's hand and closed her fingers around it. A room of gawkers watched them leave. Never a couple more deserving each other more.

Edited by Thomas Alan, 12 March 2009 - 06:45 PM.


#2
Copper

Copper

    I am groot

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Wow. Intense. And brutal. Very nice job, Thomas. I really enjoyed this one.

#3
Thomas Alan

Thomas Alan

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WTF? It ate it again?

If anyone sees this story disapear again please PM me.

Edited by Thomas Alan, 12 March 2009 - 06:48 PM.


#4
Kokeshi_Doll769

Kokeshi_Doll769

    oh hey i didn't see you there

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me likey! specially the line about "default expression". I'd never thought of it that way!

#5
Antilla

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A number of things confused me about his. I'm still not sure where the story is taking place. I mean. I first I thought it was where the woman lived. But no. Maybe it his ... no. Wait. A room full of gawkers? It was like my mental image kept getting jumbled up every few sentences. I suppose it was just me. Also, I didn't understand why the female character is only referred to as "the purple-haired girl" instead of giving her an actual name. I don't know. It would have saved you a number of words in the end, and made it seem more personal I think.



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