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Eri's Minis


9 replies to this topic

#1
IMericka

IMericka

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#1 - LOVE


“My tits feel weird,” she said, and right then I knew I was losing her.

That morning she stood staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror with her nightgown half unbuttoned, examining one fleshy, gluttonous orb at a time, taking care to replace the first beneath the flannel before removing the second. Thirty years of marriage and Ana still cleaved to remaining modesty. She bit her bottom lip and the joints in her ankles cracked as she shifted from one tip toeing foot to another. She turned to her left, then to her right, leaned over, stood back, raised her arms, and then dropped them.

And then she said, “My tits feel weird.”

Her doctor found the lump three days later. Somehow, I think we both had known. “Tits” was too harsh a word for such a lush substance, and so Anabel had always found it contemptuously inappropriate until, suddenly, it had become apt.

Ana was always perfectly, undoubtedly, strictly, staunchly, apt. Some would call her “bitch,” or “man eater,” I even heard “harpee” and “shrew” on occasion, but I called her “wife” and that was all she ever was: everything everyone said, but nothing they expected.

#2
Copper

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Fantastic. Especially the last two sentences. You always manage to pack an unexpected punch into a small amount of words- something I envy about your writing style.

GJ bebe!

#3
Iceheart

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I like this approach to the theme. It's subtle, and doesn't smack you in the face with it, but it's there... and more powerful in its way than introducing young love.

#4
Brando

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Good story.

#5
Thomas Alan

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Nice start. Probably my fave of this round.

Though I'll disagree with Copper. What came before the last paragraph made the story.

#6
IMericka

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“This is tits,” she said, and right then I knew I was losing it.

She tossed the copy, I picked it up, thumbing the edge, willing myself not to cry. She lit a cigarette.

“Which part?”

A vein in her neck pulsated glaringly with her noxious exhale. “Every sentence containing the word ‘the,’” she said, her pale eyes rolling languidly toward the open window.

I bit my lip. Inspected my fingernails. Pulled on the locket around my neck, opened it, tried to find words inside.

Her fingernails drummed on the formica tabletop. There was more color on her coffee mug than her lips.

“I don’t think you should smoke.”

She laughed, said, “I’m working on my sequel,” and extinguished the dying light on the front cover of the manuscript.

“I want to make it better,” I said, my words trembled in cold conversation.

She scratched her head, the wig shifting haphazardly beneath her yellowed fingertips, her eyes like ice resting on the text. “There’s no fixing it, really, you’ll have to start over.”

“Mom," I said, "it's worth trying.”



(tense edit)

Edited by IMericka, 16 March 2009 - 11:34 PM.


#7
Kokeshi_Doll769

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I love the last line of the second installment...it redefines that whole part of the story!! Which I'm sure is what you were going for. Kudos!

#8
IMericka

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thx bebe! you know me, I love a punchline.

#9
Antilla

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Oh wow. This sucks so bad, that I don't even know where to begin. I'm not even going to try. Just do us all a favor and stop posting your trash in here. God, you're so stupid. And ignorant. And stupid. You disgust me.

THAT WAS FUN.

Actually this was more-or-less perfect. The only lame part is how you didn't follow-through on the remaining two mini's. Thx for nothing.

#10
IMericka

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oh you wacky prankster, you

following through on anything would totally ruin my rep.



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