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The Orange Blue


7 replies to this topic

#1
Antilla

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Edited by Antilla, 28 November 2009 - 12:47 PM.


#2
Copper

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Well.

This is quite simply amazing.

I always forget how much I truly enjoy your writing until I read it again. Then I simultaneously think WANT MORE and how much I hate you for your beautiful sentences.

One question: I can't really tell if the narrator is female or male. I'm inclined to think male just because of the relationship, but in the beginning the narrator snaps gum and adjusts their pony tail. Those are both very feminine things to do. So that makes me feel like it's a girl.

Some gems that deserve repeating:

I marveled at your thin wrists as I spoke. Your bones were like pipettes of glass, blown delicate and fragile. Your ulna and radius had grown hollow like a bird’s. You could fly if you wanted. You could live in the clouds. For you, swimming should have been a breeze.

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my entire life. no word of a lie.

Close your eyes. Remember it all. Let the moon pull you back.

This is exactly right. You managed to to wrap up all the longing of the narrator for this woman in three tiny sentences that hit you low in the gut.

Excellent job, Trevor. I hate you.

#3
Jaycie

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April's been pestering me to read this since you posted it and now I see why. AWESOME work. :thumbsup:

#4
Copper

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it's true. i'm antilla's pimp.

#5
Antilla

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Just stop hitting me. I mean. You know. I'll get that money to you.

But yeah.

I wrote about lesbians. Just because. Actually, this isn't fiction as much as it is an amalgam of letters that I've written to other people. Serena Gatto ... yeah, that's actually Meg Gatto. I didn't find where she lived, but did track down her Myspace. "I'm not sure if I'm in the right place," is the exact thing I said when I first talked to the receptionist entombed inside her glassy cubical at the VCSB. The girl with the hollow bones is real. I used her for the character of Polly in Flutterby, too.

Also:

I don't know how to swim.

#6
Jaycie

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Do you get that line "how can you live your whole life and not know how to swim?" a lot? I know I've said it to my boyfriend, who also doesn't know how, he's even taken lessons but he's horrified of the water. Good for him I went through lifeguard training I suppose. :lol:

#7
Antilla

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Mostly people don't know. Swimming opportunities don't really abound here. But. I am very afraid of drowning. And water that is deeper than I am tall.

#8
LadyGuinevere

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This was amazingly lyrical, though perhaps a bit too lyrical for my personal tastes. I decided they were both women very early on, so I read it as such ;) There are some brilliant images in there - one that stood out to me was the spilling of the water and the broken clock.

I can't even remember before I knew how to swim!



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