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Flame Contest Entries


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#1
ShadowDog

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Recently I called for entries for a secret contest. It turns out the contest was of the flaming variety. Entrants were called upon to write a flaming story about their opponent in which they were to utterly destroy said opponent. No crybabies were allowed as this is an "in all good fun only" event.

As it turned out, Dave Dark, Copper, and Darth Y pussed out and didn't submit their entries. That left myself (against Darth Y), Tank and Danger, who were to go up against each other. I would like to put their links here in this put, but both men have such depraved minds, are so twisted and evil ... nay, downright degenerate, that I'd be banned for life for linking to such filth. Therefore, you will have to PM either myself or the perverts involved to get their links. Remember, requesting these links amounts to waiving your right to be outraged at the content you receive. If you are under 18, think Lando style humor is disgusting, or have no sense of humor yourself, DO NOT REQUEST THESE LINKS. You have been warned.

Go ahead and send your PMs, I'll wait here.

Oh, you're back? That was some sick ****, wasn't it?

Now that you have watched both entries, it is time for you to JUDGE them. Score on a 1 (it sucked) to 10 (he totally destroyed his freaking opponent) system. Reveal your scores in a reply here for everyone to see. No cowards are allowed to judge this competition, so you have to let it be known who you are and what your scores were. Everyone is allowed to judge except for us six people who were involved in this tournament, but only one score per person, so no alias voting please. After 48 hours, all the scores will be tallied up and the winner will be announced.

As I said, Darth Y pussed out against me, but here is my entry against him anyway. :devil:

Whack!

Darth Yossarian opened one eye and glared at the person who had just beaned him with his own soiled underwear. "Um, WTF?"

Candy Martin glared right back. "WTF? WTF? Who the **** says the letters WTF? You've been spending too much time at that Daily net again, haven't you?"

"Of course not! I wouldn't be caught dead at that hack knockoff. My internet home is Nightly net." He plucked his drawers off his face and tossed them to the floor. "So, pray tell, why did you wake me to the lovely aroma of my skidmarks?"

"I'm tossing you out on your ass. Get up and get out!"

"You're tossing me? Why?"

"Why?" Candy gave a long, lingering bitter laugh. "Let me give you some advice for your next girlfriend, DY. Women don't like having to call people by retarded internet message board handles."

"But I only ever feel cool on Nightly-."

"Women prefer it if you don't wash your nasty assed socks in the microwave."

"The spin cycle on my washer frays the thread-."

"Women would rather you remove your leftovers from the fridge before they become level four biohazards."

"*****! If you threw away my Christmas sandwich-."

"It's June you ****ing moron! It had to go!"

"But I only had three meters of it to go!" DY exclaimed in horror, dabbing tears from his face.

"DY, when you won a 30 meter sandwich at the Christmas party, the intention was that you would have friends to share it with so it would be consumed in a reasonable amount of time!"

"But I don't have any friends!" DY cried.

"My point!" She took a deep breath. "Women also like a man who will actually make some money and who don't invest what little they do make in turtle fighting."

"Hey, turtle fighting is going to take off, you mark my words."

"THEY JUST ****ING SIT THERE AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER YOU RETARD!!!" Candy screamed.

"You're thinking like an American, Candy. See, over here it's not about scoring points. A 0-0 tie is a fantastic defensive struggle, and with turtle fighting you're guaranteed an awesome match every single time! There's no chance for a blowout."

"But they just look at each other!"

"They're sizing each other up, planning their next stratagem."

Candy seized DY's lava lamp and tossed it at his head. He caught it and set it on the floor. Candy curled her hands into fists. "They're not sizing up anything you mouthbreather, they're sitting there without moving because: They're. ****ing. Turtles!"

"This sport is going to take off, I promise you."

"Oh, like you promised to stop pissing the bed?"

DY sat up in shock. "That's only when I have roast beef, I told you."

Candy threw up her hands. "We live in ****ing Ireland, you dumbass. You have roast beef 14 times a week! And as bracing as a good golden shower is to get my day started in the morning, I've had enough. Get out!"

"I can't leave today! I was having the fellows over for origami lessons and a couple games of whist."

Candy shuddered. "I'm a woman and I got 10% more gay just hearing that come out of your mouth." She grabbed a broom and advanced threateningly. "Let me make this simple for you. If you don't leave now I'm going to thrash you within an inch of your life. And then I'm taking that last inch!"

DY screamed in fear and dived under the covers. "Okay! Okay! I'll leave. You didn't have to get mean."

Candy lowered her weapon. "That's better. Oh, and be sure to take your blowup 'Hurt Me Yoda' with you, you sick ****!"


#2
Cerina

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I want both of their stuff.

#3
Dave Dark

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maybe you should stop setting up contests while I'm in the middle of finishing ****ing high school, Dexter. when you do, THEN you can drop the phrase "pussed out" on me.

...

oh my god can we extend the deadline I am sooo in the mood to flame the **** out of someone right now.

#4
ShadowDog

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If you and Copper still want to do it, I'm all for it. I gave Tank an extension to do his and Danger wasn't allowed to cry about it. The beauty of a hard core no crybaby contest is that I can change the rules/deadlines if I want to and no one can cry about it. MWA-HA-HA-HA!!

#5
Cerina

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Oh holy ****.

JESUS MOTHER****ING CHRIST TOMMY!!

The aristocrats? :lol:

Dear God, I'm scared to watch Seth's.

Ok...that wasn't so bad. I want the both of you to know that I love you...but you're going to burn in hell. And at least you'll be together.

Edited by Cerina, 15 June 2007 - 09:33 PM.


#6
Dave Dark

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Dexter you motherbarking son of a ***** (lol see what I did there, get it? get it? lol) where are my links I wanna see.

#7
ShadowDog

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Motherbarking? ROTFLMMFAO!!!

#8
Dave Dark

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also.

two things.

can I just flame you.

and why has Miserable People not been updated in two days goddamnit?

#9
ShadowDog

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No, and I've had a series of killer headaches. Yes, yes, I know, the ole headache excuse. YOU TRY WRITING WITH A BAD HEADACHE!!

#10
Dave Dark

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I hear the perfect cure for a bad headache is a good flaming.

...

I promise I don't hate you.

you goddamn lazy pile of reject Taco Bell nachos.

...

#11
Cerina

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Supreme or Bell Grande?

#12
ShadowDog

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It's Grande baby. GRAAAAAANDE.

#13
Tank

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I have to conceed Tommy trounced me with doing an Aristocrats joke.. I went too subtle i think...

Edited by Tank, 16 June 2007 - 12:38 AM.


#14
Dave Dark

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actually I thought yours was funnier, Seth. ****ing hilarious.

Tommy did go above & beyond the call of duty, though. maximum flame achieved. and the video was entertainingly ridiculous.

#15
ShadowDog

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No concessions! Let's vote like men and see what happens. :P

#16
Dave Dark

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seriously Dexter wtf why won't you battle me.

ARE YOU SCARED.

#17
IMericka

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this contest has clearly been a failure of the epic variety.

#18
ShadowDog

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Why should I fight someone scared to take on a girl? Survive this round by thrashing her and you'll get your shot at the title, champ. Or is it chump? >:-P~~~~~~~

PS. IMericka, that's what happens when all the girls leave it to the guys to sort things out. :lol: Next time get in here and mix it up!

#19
Dave Dark

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right so I'm assuming this means April submitted something.

OH WAIT. THAT'S RIGHT. SHE DIDN'T.

I just don't want your game to be an epic failure, man. I am merely looking out for you.

#20
Cerina

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I think tommy's made me laugh more...but seth's made me laugh harder.

The kicker is...Tommy had me on the edge waiting to hear what he'd say next. But Seth's was me just waiting for the big joke at the end, which could be seen coming starting about 15 seconds in.

#21
IMericka

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PS. IMericka, that's what happens when all the girls leave it to the guys to sort things out. :lol: Next time get in here and mix it up!

psh. been there, done this.

#22
ShadowDog

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You haven't done it right until you've done it with Tank, Dave, Tommy, and I. >:-P~~~~~

#23
Cerina

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oooohh..yeah, that was harsh

SHE CALLED ME AVERAGE!!

#24
Dave Dark

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Dexter never say anything like that ever, EVER again.

#25
IMericka

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but

i've already done it with Tank