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Tangents


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#1
GreenLightBaby

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Tangents

________________________________________________________________________________

SRA Jan. 10, 2001 12:08PM


Scene Summary: Revelation leads to disaster
Setting: On Docks, river/ocean
Time: Afternoon/evening
Season: Fall? Summer?
Characters: 2 men
Motivation: ???

~*~*~*~*~

The Docks
Berth 1013
{Afternoon/Evening}


"Where is he?"

"About time you got here!"

"Nice to see you, too."

"You weren't followed?"

"No. Who is it?"

"Too late."

Gunshot at point blank range.

~*~*~*~*~

Dirk
R. D.
Scott
David Nick
Nick David
Adrian
George
Patrick
Jonathan
Siddig


~ Watch Nikita to write action sequences
~ Answer emails
~ Need to run to B&N and find tips on dialogue and action

~*~*~*~*~

Timeline: Happens within 15-20 min?
Need timestamps
Roll back time in simultaneous scenes


Scenes:
~ Conference room
Triple checked

~ Cafeteria
"Death by Coffee"

~Hotel #1 Elevator go down
What floor does it start? Ends in lobby
Who?

~ Hotel #2
Sniper across from Hotel #1
Roof or floor? What floor number?

________________________________________________________________________________

SRA Feb. 12, 2001 3:09PM

The Docks
Berth 1013
6:38 PM {Fall}


He waited impatiently as he watched the darkness overtake the calm water. "I don't like staying here, exposed for the world to see. He better show up soon or I'm leaving." He checked his watch. Two minutes had gone by. He shoved his cold hands back into his pockets. {gun}

He scanned the area for his friend. He saw him rounding the corner, cautiously searching the area.

"About time you got here!"

He went to the pier. "Couldn't be helped. I don't know who{look up who/whom} to trust."

"Trust no one, eh. Are you sure you weren't followed?"

"Yes. Now, who is it? We have to find mole before anything else is compromised."

"Too late." The man's eyes spoke the truth.

A single gunshot fired point blank.

~*~*~*~*~

~ Mulder's back in 13 days
~ Record Nikita
~ Birkoff died? Dammit!


Now it is ending
Not quickly
Not silently
Not peacefully
Not in the future
Not later
Now

Darkness falls
Nothing I can do
Just a silent observer
In the grand scheme
Of the uncaring universe

~ Writing tip: short, choppy sentences convey faster action than longer ones.
~ Identity of men: Irrelevant at this point


~*~*~*~*~

For SG "This will never do"

How do I begin? How do I put into words what I feel - the emotions that are swirling inside of me? How can I tell you when all I have are vague bits of memories, specters in my mind, scenes shrouded in dense fog, flashes of people, places and things and most of all the emotions just barely underneath the surface. When I sleep, if I sleep, the images I see are incomprehensible. There have been times when the others have found me screaming and trembling, awakened by vivid nightmares. I can't explain to them what they were about for they are forgotten once I am awake. All I remember are the leftover emotions brought on by the dreams. These feelings have stayed with me for days. The others have sensed that and have been trying their best to comfort me, but I can't let go of the images and these feelings.

~*~*~*~*~

The white gulls were soaring high above in the cloudless sky, talking amongst themselves. Every so often, one would dip down into the water and catch a fish in its bill. He sat on a spacious blue beach blanket under a wide red beach umbrella, watching his year old son and wife playing in the light surf rolling at their feet, listening to their squeals of laughter and joy. He adjusted his black sunglasses to glimpse the reasons for his happiness, his joy, his reasons for living, his salvation. A cherubic smile appeared on his face as he watched his wife gently lifting their son from the advancing waves. The giggles of his son brought tears to his eyes. In his blissful state, he didn't mind as the tears slowly trickled down his cheek, leaving meandering salty trails.

Darkness falls.

He looked around and found himself not on the beach, but transported to an abandoned warehouse with thin tendrils of light, snaking through and around cobwebs, dusty desks, large wooden crates, dark and damp rooms and empty corridors. Terror rose in his heart and mind as he felt an evil presence around him, enveloping his senses and mind. The smell of fetid decay weighed heavily in the air, choking him as an icy hand encircled his throat.

He felt cold hard steel in his hands and looked down at what he was holding - a .45 caliber automatic pistol. He scanned the room. Nothing. After moving the safety lever to the on position, he depressed a button located on the handle, above and to the right of the trigger, releasing the magazine into the sweating palm of his left hand. After holstering his gun in the shoulder holster under his right arm, he turned the magazine toward him and recognized the exposed bullet. A faint smile appeared on his face. He turned the magazine sideways and saw that he had a full clip.

It seemed like hours, but in reality, it was only minutes as he took his time, listening and searching the shadows for his elusive prey. He heard water dripping in the darkness, but couldn't find the source. Light and darkness raced for domination in this eerie realm.

~ Need new music to write by

Scenes:
~ Conference room
Triple checked

~ Cafeteria
"Death by Coffee"

~Hotel #1 Elevator go down
What floor does it start? Ends in lobby
Who?

~ Hotel #2
Sniper across from Hotel #1
Roof or floor? What floor number?


________________________________________________________________________________

SRB Feb. 19, 2001 11:15AM


The Docks
Berth 1013
6:38 PM


He waited impatiently as he watched the darkness overtake the calm water. He mumbled, "I don't like staying here, exposed for the world to see. He better show up soon or I'm leaving." He checked his watch. Two minutes had gone by. He shoved his cold hands back into his pockets.

He scanned the quiet warehouses behind him, watching and listening for the approach of his friend. His friend was always on time if not early. He saw him rounding the corner, briskly walking and searching the area before him.

"About time you got here!" He waited for his friend.

His friend walked to the pier and stood next to him. "Couldn't be helped. I don't know whom to trust." He rubbed his hands together and blew on them. "Boy, it's cold out here."

"Trust no one, eh. Are you sure you weren't followed?"

"Yes. Now, who is it? We have to find this person before anything else is compromised."

"Too late." The man's eyes spoke the truth.

{Poetry?}

A single gunshot fired point blank at chest level. The splash of a body hitting the water.

{Searched body? Is he really dead? Anyone watching?}

~*~*~*~*~

~ Writing tip: Hook/catch attention of reader with first sentence

~ Writing tip: Need to know how this ends and write to it.

~*~*~*~*~

~ Delta Flyer "Just Married" - worst episode ever
~ Equalizer is Nikita's father
~ check answers to NTSS

~*~*~*~*~

Hotel #2
roof /? floor
Evening


"Target in sight."

"Omega 1269. Repeat Omega 1269."

"Damn." Sniper pulled the trigger before rushing out of the room.


Limo
"Man down! Repeat Man down! Lock that hotel down!"

{Who got hit?}

"Team {#} sweep the {name of Hotel #1}!"

________________________________________________________________________________
SRB Mar. 28, 2001 1:33AM


The Docks
Berth 1013

6:38 PM

He waited impatiently as he watched the darkness overtake the calm water. Leaning on the edge of the pier, he mumbled, "I don't like staying here, exposed for the world to see. He better show up soon or I'm leaving." He checked his watch. Two more minutes. He shoved his cold hands back into his pockets. He scanned the quiet warehouses behind him, watching and listening for the approach of his friend. His friend was always on time if not early. He saw him rounding the corner, briskly walking and searching the area before him.

"About time you got here!" He turned back and watched the water once again, waiting for his friend.

His friend walked to the pier and leaned on the edge of the railing, nearly elbow to elbow to the other. "Couldn't be helped. You know what it's like now. I don't know whom to trust. Now, what information do you have?" He rubbed his hands together and blew on them. "Boy, it's cold out here."

The man turned and looked at him. "Are you sure you weren't followed?"

His friend sighed. "Yes, I took all the precautions. Now, who is it? We have to find this person before anything else is compromised."

"Too late," the man growled as his eyes spoke the truth.

A single gunshot fired point blank at chest level. Laughter. Frantic searching. Nothing of real importance. The splash of a body hitting the water.

USE THIS!!!

Write Tag Scene next

~ Man #1 disguised as who?

~*~*~*~*~

Conference room
8:23 PM


"Analysis confirmed on the residue. It's him alright."

"So everything has been triple checked?"

"Three separate analyses confirm it. One more thing."

His threw his wedding band on the table.

No ring mark on his hand. Her right hand went for her gun.

An empty shoulder holster. A click of a hammer. SOL

"On your knees," he ordered.

She smiled. "Never."

"A final request?"


Newtown Hotel
23rd Floor
Northside Elevator
8:53 PM


"Thanks for talking to the committee. We need all the help we can get."

"I have a feeling that something's coming up."

"You worry too much."

"You need to take the threats seriously. You haven't seen what they did."

"You need a vacation. You're too stressed."

"No. Your safety is the most important thing now. We need you."

"All clear from all the teams." {He hears this via comm}

"I told you there's nothing to worry about."

"I'll stop worrying when you're safe. I still can't shake this bad feeling."

They left the elevator for the limo.


Ivory Towers Hotel
15th floor
8:56 PM


"Target in sight."

"Omega 1269. Repeat Omega 1269."

"Damn," muttered the sniper, pulling the trigger several times before rushing out of the room.


Newton Hotel
Northside Entrance


"Man down! Repeat Man down! Lock that hotel down!" He yelled into his mic after he pushed them into the limo, slamming the door behind them.

He rubbed off the blood on his hands onto his jacket as he ran into the Newton Hotel. "Get them the outta here! The rest of you find that sniper! Team 3 sweep the Newton!"

{Who got hit?}


Cafeteria
8:55 PM


{3 or 4 operatives}

"We don't have enough manpower. We're burning the candle at both ends."

"We'll do it or we're fertilizer."

"One of these days your jokes are going to get you killed. I'm headed to bed before I fall over."

"They'd never get rid of me. I'm indispensable and I'm the best hacker here. Coffee anyone?"

He grabbed the coffee pot. An explosion rocked the cafeteria.

Darkness falls.

#2
Copper

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....I'm not sure that I get it. The idea that popped into my head is "the evolution of the writing process" but I have no idea if that's what you're going for.

I can say this though: Creative. And there were a few bits that were beautifully written. The passage where the man is watching his son and wife on the beach was great.

#3
Richcelt

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Well, I'm lost. :confused:

#4
Copper

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Sweet. I'm not alone.

#5
LadyGuinevere

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I'm confused as well, though it's an interesting look at how you approach your writing :) I think a little too disjointed to work on its own though.

The list of names early on - are they actors?

#6
Kung Fu Jawa

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I see what you're doing and it's very creative and fitting to the theme. It's just very hard to read.

#7
Doomtrain

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I like it, but it's a bit confusing. By far the most creative example of evolution in the contest, in my opinion. Well done.

Creative criticism: it's hard to piece together what's going on unless you read it a few times, but unfortunately I don't know how you'd clean it up, since I've never done this kind of thing before. Really cool idea, though.

#8
ShadowDog

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Holy crap! I finally get it! I've been pondering this all night and didn't really know what to make of it and KFJ's comment finally made it click for me! This is the evolution of your writing process! This is what one of your stories goes through, on a scene by scene basis! You start out with the bare bones and then this is how you flesh it out.

You're a ******* genius! First of all, I would have never thought of doing something like this for this theme, so you are really thinking outside the box. That should count for a lot. Secondly, it took a huge amount of sack to post something like this without explanation to see if anyone would get it.

My hat is off to you. Seriously. I feel like I've been a caveman staring at a Mona Lisa and then another caveman comes up and says "you know that's a two dimensional representation of a person, right?" :lol:

PS. I personally don't think it needs to be cleaned up. For me, if there had been any explanation, or if this had been easier to figure out what was going on, it wouldn't have had the impact on me. I only feel elated right now because I finally figured it out (albeit with KFJ's prompting) without any help from the author.

#9
Kung Fu Jawa

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I feel like I've been a caveman staring at a Mona Lisa and then another caveman comes up and says "you know that's a two dimensional representation of a person, right?" :lol:

That gave me a big ol' belly laugh.

#10
Copper

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"the evolution of the writing process"


Just sayin'

;)

#11
ShadowDog

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:lol: Good point. I guess I need to be knocked in the head by several of you clever writers before something sinks in. ;)

#12
Nixie

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i got it the first time through. :D very creative!

#13
GreenLightBaby

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Thank you for the comments.

LG, they are my favorite actors at that time.

Regarding the storygame fragment in this submission, you can find it here. SD started it and it remains my favorite one including the one I started.

Edited by GreenLightBaby, 23 March 2007 - 11:30 PM.




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