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Sports Over/Under Game


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Over.

 

At first, I thought Robinson Cano (.297 in his rookie season and .342 as a sophomore) was going to hit .387 but then I found out he gave up his # 22 in anticipation of Roger Clemen's return to The Bronx. So, now (with # 24) I think he'll hit .225 by the All-Star Break. Then, to further complicate matters, Tino Martinez wants his # retired with that team and forces Cano to change again. He ups two more to # 26. A day later, at the trade deadline, Orlando 'El Duque' Hernandez is reacquired from across the river and demands (in Spanish) his old # back. Cano changes again, upping another two to 28. In his first game flashing these new digits, old # 28 himself David Justice runs down from a broadcast booth and (using his patented finisher headbutt known to Halle Berry fans as The Shiner) headbutts Cano in anger right behind the second base bag. Cano is carried off the field by double-play partner Derek Jeter, who adds another feather of heroism to his hat, while Alex Rodriguez looks on from third, too far to be of any viable assistance. The crowd starts chanting Jeter's name. A-Rod hears this and starts towards the situation, and thus any cheers turn into jeers and A-Rod is stopped in his tracks, a tear dropping from his eye. David Justice isn't arrested b/c he puts his arm around A-Rod and walks off down the tunnel with him, apparently explaining the finer points of clutch work to him. A-Rod's still sad. As they leave the Stadium, David Justice is jumped by previous # 28 Chad Curtis and his wannabe-pious cronies. A-Rod, still dejected, walks off in the drizzle with his head down, not being of any help. A phone rings in the farm system and Melky Cabrera, who had been sent down to the minors, is called up and given # 28. Somehow, Jeter finds this out and tells Cano in the hospital. While in the hospital, Cano manages to use Jetes connections to up his # two again, to 30. The YES Network is on-hand to report this, and upon hearing this news, Willie Randolph leaves the Mets-Braves game (with Atlanta's magic number @ 2) in the middle of an inning, goes cross river, enters The House That Ruth Built, and chastises Joe Torre. As compensation, Torre gives back 'El Duque' and Randolph walks back to Shea Stadium with El Duque. Unfortunately for Randolph, while he was gone, the headless Mets allowed the Braves to score a record 32 runs in an inning and Atlanta clinched their division that evening. "One Year & Out" reads a lone Atlanta Braves' fans' banner at Shea. Mets management freaks and fires Randolph for this. Willie responds by suing Wilpon and company with an 'anti-black' discrimination lawsuit, claiming if he were white, the firing wouldn't have happened. When this claim is proven true, the Mets front office spends the rest of the year tied up in litigation. On the field, Carlos Beltran bats .750 for the remainder of the campaign. As for Torre, owner George Steinbrenner, furious over having to give up prized prospect Phillip Hughes for El Duque who was just sent back, is on his way to the dugout. He is intercepted by GM Brian Cashman who explains the whole situation to him, appeasing King George, and again saving Joe Torre's job. Don Mattingly is miffed at the results of this intercept while Joe Girardi applauds it upstairs. Louisiana Lightning can't handle this and quits. Mel Stottlemyre returns within the hour, quitting his job with the Arizona Diamondbacks. Later that evening, Randy Johnson pitches his second career perfect game. And the next evening, Todd Stottlemyre makes his triumphant return by pitching a no-hitter for the Diamondbacks. The Yanks finish with the worst ERA in the league at 5.76 but win the division anyway, due to MVP Jason Giambi's stellar performance and the second-place Red Sox' collapse - it appears Daisuke Matsuzaka was a modern-day baseball kamikaze, intentionally sent by the Japanese League (at the request of Steinbrenner of course) to sabotage Boston and manually return the Curse of the Bambino; he becomes a career terrorist and blows up Fenway Park, with the Green Monster collapsing on David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez, who were having a pregame chat before the Mets-Red Sox interleague game that day. Ortiz was forced to move out to left field so they could have publicity shots of him in front of the Green Monster every game, never mind his 1.3 errors per game there since the shift. The position was vacated by Manny Ramirez, who simply walked away from the Red Sox organization after Matsuzakas first game where the soon-to-be-maniacal Japanese import gave up seven runs in two innings of work, constantly shaking off the catcher and throwing exclusively gyroballs in an attempt to impress the media and fans, who all realized after the first pitch that the mysterious gyroball was nothing but an eephus pitch. Terry Francona left him in there for the first two innings, to give him the benefit of the doubt. Theo Epstein was about to deliver the message that Francona was finally going to be fired, after allowing the expensive Japanese star to run up an ERA of 19.45 over his starts, but it was moot because of the explosion that day. As Fenway Park and other Boston landmarks exploded that September 11th, millions of rats scattered out of Beantown, Daisuke Matsuzaka was killed in his kamikaze work, Manny Ramirez was the only Red Sox player to survive, because he was on a beach in the Bahamas with Albert Belle, and Hideo Nomo laughed from his pad ... the Giambino smacks a record 77 homers and drives in 78 runs for the year, garnering that MVP. After the season, drug test results force the Commissioner's Office to yank the MVP trophy from Jason and he is kicked out of the sport. Barry Bonds, who just hit his 803rd homer earlier in his game, snickers at this news in his locker room, watching on the large clubhouse TV while lying on his stomach, shorts down, and Gary Sheffield in the locked room with him. The Yanks get Jeremy Giambi to replace Jason ... Back on that eventful evening, Cano heard El Duque was sent off so Jeter advised him - with the aid of a Spanish-speaking nurse - not to keep going up two #s, but why not go down two this time? Cano agrees and drops from the 30 to 28. Jeter reminds him of the recent David Justice event and Cano keeps going down to get to 26, now that El Duque no longer is with the club. Cano announces his decision to Jeter. But as he does, Robert Smith, with a 'cigarette' in his mouth, walks slowly by the hospital room door, glaring at Cano. Cano gulps and remains quiet. On the way back to the Stadium, he asks Jeter about dropping to 24. Jeter reminds him of Tino Martinez. Cano then asks about 22. Jeter reminds him of the initial decision regarding Clemens. As they get to the field, Cano asks about 20 - at which, Jorge Posada bludgeons him with a bat. It's back to the hospital for Cano! In a couple of hours, he tries 18. Later that night, it is reported that Scott Brosius threw Robinson Cano out of the hospital room window, wearing a Peyton Manning mask. In reality, Peyton was in Chicago, letting Brian Urlacher win intentionally in their poker game, as a sort of compensatory 'thanks'. With Peyton's alibi checking out, albeit being disgraceful, Brosius is arrested and put in jail. Marvin Harrison is revulsed at Peyton and quits the Colts to join the Patriots - New England wins the SuperBowl the next season, with Marvin Harrison winning MVP and joining the list of the very few who have won a Superbowl with different teams ... Meanwhile, on the ground outside the hospital grounds, Cano wonders about uniform # 16 at which point, Joe Montana drives by, crushing Cano with his Ford 350 truck. With major injuries, he imagines if 14 could have been his number, at which point Hideki Irabu arrives, driven to the site by Cynthia Cooper, leaps with a Toad Splash right on to Cano's writhing body. With his life slipping away, he thinks about # 12. At this, Jim Kelly suddenly appears and knowing the emotions of feeling sorry, gives up all his remaining hair to restore Robinson Cano back to health and Cano's miraculously able to walk back to the Stadium under his own power. Kelly and Chris Chandler are married the next day, with Warren Moon performing the ceremony. Matt Hasselbeck was the ring bearer. With Cano on the DL, and A-Rod missing, Jeter plays second, short, and third simultaneously for the rest of the season, prehumously being allowed into the Hall Of Fame at the conclusion of the campaign, what with his four championship rings. The Atlanta Braves win the World Series by sweeping the highly-favoured Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who had won 157 games that year. The stunning Braves title victory was predicted by Nightly.net member Primbud, who notched his 88000th post as the final out of the World Series was made. Darth Wicket lives happily ever after.

Oh, and Roger Clemens decided to pitch for the Astros for the rest of that season.

 

Okay, Robinson Cano batting average this year @ .315.

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:nono: I didn't say NJP lived happily ever after.

 

Besides, the Chicago AL squad had something to do with this - for years, both they and the BoSox kept a Blue Sox team out of Major League Baseball. Now, the White ones remain as the only Sox. Clean and neat.

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Over. But unless they just become a rolling juggernaut, not the century mark.

 

P.S.: that was the idea on Giambi. ;)

 

P.P.S.: Actually, it's like drunken posting. It was easy and fun - I just let it flow (the only thing I had to keep my eye on was dangling storylines, like WTF happened to such and such someone might ask, gotta tie up loose ends)

 

Top Major League regular winning club this season, total (regular season and postseason) wins @ 106

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Rangers go under, although last year they were headed for say 83 wins. I saw 88-89 tops. Unless Sammy Sosa ...

 

(Thanx. I can't believe I wrote that entire thing in one swoop, without editing or proofreading. The only edit on the post came when I couldn't decide the .315 for Cano)

 

Lowest regular season win total for any Major League baseball team this season @ 65

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  • 1 month later...

Over, somebody might.

 

I picked 6, was going to pick 7 for that 'morbid' one. I meant in our lifetime we will see. That sounds better I guess. Ruth is 1 already. Aaron 2. Bonds 3. If Sosa gets there, 4. A-Rod = 5. So no others? How about Oh?? ;)

 

Okay, here's one: Manny Ramirez career homeruns @ 600

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I didn't know you were including outside MLB...if so, it might get to six if you include..

Aaron, Ruth, Bonds, Oh, Gibson, and A-Rod...I think A-Rod has the best shot of today's players to make it there. I don't think Sosa will get to 700.

 

I say under for Ramirez.

 

Mets Team ERA at the end of April - 2.50

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  • 1 month later...

Under. I think they'll continue to look sprye but they might have a more difficult schedule the next fortnight. I can't believe Houston's still struggling with .500 ... (I mean with Roy Oswalt having such a brilliant start)

 

New York Yankees five games over .500 at the All-Star break, over or under?

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