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Posts posted by R.CAllen

  1. "I'm Jolene Bennett. Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor and a close personal friend of Nancy Pelosi. Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. When I was a little girl I was terrified to fly and now I have my own pilots' license. I am CEO of Sabre International and I sell the best damn printer machines Korea can make. Pleased to meet you."


    This and last night's 30 Rock really got me.

  2. I went away. I did not come back. Allow me to explain.


    Bill is old, and cold, and old and cold and old.


    She grabbed on me tight and with a quick jerk of hand tore it clean away.


    The last word spoken aloud by Moses in Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments is "thereof". Who among us can know the reason behind this? Sally can, and did, and refuses to share her knowledge with me and for this she shall pay.


    The television was gone.


    My legs buckled. Her breasts suppled. BEST FIELD TRIP EVER!


    The gun said "Klu Klux Klan" but I could not hear it for the noise.


    She kicked and kicked and stopped. "I want to go back in there," she said. She was out of me two years on and now her feet were pressed all up against me the wrong way 'round and there wasn't a thing I could do.


    Frank Sinatra had killed men before, had killed women before, but there was a first time for everything and so the hermaphrodite god of an ancient chthonic civilization formed long before humanity's rise now lay dead on the carpet and it was by his hand.


    "I am a robot," said the robot.


    Language went gdomfosfisnfis ever since the virus came and fniksnfosfos our ability to qkewnrwslkmd.


    "This pot is black pot," said the kettle.


    "You are the weakest link" and yes she said it with a confidence borne of her thousands of years of immortal life "goodbye".

  3. I love how the series has slowly come around to the point where the show's characters seem to need Michael as much as he needs them. This motley crew wouldn't have thrived under Michael's predecessor ("His cap was de-tated!") and didn't under that new guy played by Idris Elba. So if the show is going where I assume it's going and Michael is about to be fired then that should hammer home what's been going down.

  4. Tonight was non-stop fun. Laughed out loud at Creed's reaction to the opera music, the word "Kaiser", Toby's quivering Kermit-esque voice, and any time the new secretary said anything. I don't know quite why but her cheerful obliviousness is just great.



    2) Will Ferrel, Adam Sandler, and Stephen Corbert


    What did they ever do to you?


    3) People who like Will Ferrel, Adam Sandler, and/or Stephen Corbert


    Same question.


    4) People who feel compelled to tell me they don't like something just after I've annouced that I like it. "Man, I really like Cherry PIE." "I hate Cherry PIE." "Gee, thanks for the ****ing update, but I wasn't asking."


    Haha this is exactly that situation but somewhat reversed


    5) People who bitch about seeing movies in theaters. I've been to see at least a thousand movies in the theaters in my lifetime (hell, I've seen 16 in the theaters just this year) and I have NEVER had my experienced ruined by people talking too loud, using their cell phones, or any of this other bogus **** people constantly bitch about. Where are you watching movies, Skid Row? :no: Actually, you've just heard Jerry Seinfeld and a couple other comics complain about it and picked up their bit.


    No. I highly dislike watching movies in a theater and it is a legitimate complaint on my part. Would you invite over a couple dozen strangers to your home to sit and watch a film that can't be paused or rewound?


    6) Morons who press elevator or crosswalk buttons they've already pushed once. Learn how electronics work, dumbasses!




    7) People who can't hold a grudge. If you were mad at me last month then stay the **** mad.


    You are a mean old man who is mean.


    8) Redheads. I hear that they'll be bred out of existance within the next 50-100 years. GOOD.


    I have like three comebacks to that


    - The Red-Headed League disputes this claim! And so does that secret society from the Lazarus Long books!


    - You only think that because South Park says it so there.


    - The only reason they'll be gone in 50-100 years is because redheads are so slutty that they'll boink anything and thus end up diluting the gene pool. I WISH!!!!


    9) Cats that look like Hitler.




    10) Roast beast. Get that nasty **** away from me!


    It is delicious there is something wrong with your taste buds.


    11) People who drink milk. Unless, it's organic, are you digging that 20% pus per glass? Mmmmm.




    13) Tic tac toe. If you're older than eight and playing this game, you're a retard.




    14) Old dusty assed people named Sonny


    It's not even a real name.


    17) Guys who wear pink. Just STOP.


    You either hate the gays or the stylish or both.


    18) Hockey.




    19) Anybody who likes hockey.


    Agreed. It really is just a particularly complicated form of figure skating.


    20) People who bitch about hate. We've only been civilized as a species for a thousand years or so. Probably less than that depending on how you define civilized. Give us a break, we'll get there.




    21) Slushies. What the ****, man? Seriously!


    It is delicious and you can get free ones on July 11th!


    22) People who think dolphins are smart.




    23) People on the internet who try to prevent their stupid opinions from being challenged by saying things like "okay, you can go ahead and flame me now" or "okay, you can go ahead and call me X now" or "I'm not interested in debating this even though I just gave my opinion so shut up in advance", etc.


    You should just shorten that to "people on the internet" and leave it at that.


    25) People who ignore the 100 day honeymoon period each Prez is SUPPOSED to get before getting bashed.


    He's the President not your wife bash away.


    26) Wood workers with less than their full set of fingers who make a point of offering their ****ed up hand for shaking. Unless both hands are ****ed up, then it's okay unless one is more ****ed up than the other.


    They lost that hand for your precious paper show some respect


    27) Squirrels


    You know the bit from The Sword In The Stone where that girl squirrel (guirrel?) tries to rape Wart?



    I'm with you on this one.


    28) People too scared to turn right on red.


    Driving is hard.



  6. This and the last one really feels like the cast & crew decided to goof off a little and then filmed the results.


    I laughed out loud at "WENT TO VOLLEYBAHL CAMP MOS' SUMMAHS!" and the Toby / "Toby" exchange.

  7. He's got Jan's old job (the one everybody was trying out for and then Ryan got in the classic Jim-loves-Pam & Pam-loves-Jim season finale) and was only micro-managing the branch.


    I like how Michael found an incredibly roundabout way to end up with a situation he could have easily gotten far easier if he'd only talked things out with Wallace a few episodes back.

  8. Good analysis. But the "I've been working here fifteen years and you can't even bother to take my calls" aspect of Michael's complaint IS the sort of occasional moment of truth he tends to stumble on. Despite the fact that it's not strictly part of the CFO's job description they obviously have a working relationship and he should have been straightforward about the situation irregardless of the fact that Michael is Michael. The Office exists in its own cozy sitcom pseudo-reality (which is what makes it so fun when a normal person such as Elba stops by) but even there it seems obvious to me that you should a) accept the phone call of your employee or b) tell them flat out you won't be speaking to them rather than c) having your secretary dodge for you.


    I, for one, welcome Idris Elba's reign of competence that began tonight.




    He doesn't even know how paper is made.

  9. I actually didn't find this episode too funny. The sight of characters on the floor for one reason or another is usually the sort of thing which would induce automatic laughter but I just wasn't feeling it. Oh well.

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