Snyder cut is happening in Superheroes! Posted March 18 Saw it. Spoilers follow after the Waid & Templeton joke from Elseworlds 80-Page Giant #1. I can't figure out how to make the spoiler tag no more what with the update. Gonna just drop it in a quote box and hope that truncates most of it. Quote Well, the movie doesn't feel substantially different. Just longer. All the bits in it that bothered me the first time around are still there. Y'know, the bits in it that feel like a lie, every big blockbuster make'em'up nowadays has bits in it that sound like someone in Grade 3 would've said they'd seen in the movie but been lying about it e.g. "And then she ties an arrow to the box and shoots it far away!" or "And then The Flash has to run and touch the box before it hits the water!". Those sorts of bits. The dialogue is still terrible, particularly for Aquaman, and only occasionally from time to time a sort of pleasing super-obvious kind of terrible that I actually enjoyed, like, for example: STEPPENWOLF: <something or other about how he wants to see some fear> CONNIE NIELSEN: Daughters of Themyscira, show him your fear! ALL AMAZONS IN UNISON: We have no fear! So what's been added? As near as I can tell, well, not much! Lots has been taken away but everything else is just ... much slower!?? But here's a vague list of the new stuff: * black women are no longer able to drive. In previous iterations of Justice League, well, all the black women could drive. But now they can't! Black women nerfed in Justice League 2021. Don't play as a black woman, you gotta go as a shirtless dude to have your power levels up to spec. Shirtless dudes are hella overpowered this time around. Pretty much every dude, once he's shirtless he is nigh on unstoppable. * Spiders! Zack Snyder loves his spiders! Steppenwolf now has a spider that can read minds. Batman now has his own spider he can drive around in. Every once in a while Cyborg will become a spider, he will grow additional limbs kind of like how Spider-Man did in The Amazing Spider-Man #100 and in What If? v2. #42 and that one episode of the animated series. * Characters! Ryan Choi, Desaad, Crispus Allen, Hitler, Martian Manhunter, Sir Christopher Wren, they all show up or get a mention or reference in a way I'm pretty sure they didn't the first time around. There is 100% more Hitler in Justice League (2021) than there was in Justice League (2017). * there are additional fatality scenes, flawless victory ones, y'know, like in Mortal Kombat. Batman or Aquaman or Wonder Woman or whoever will kill a parademon in a way that's kind of cool (for locally accepted values of cool) and probably cost tens of thousands of dollars to do, minimum. * sometimes the bad guys will just disappear from the movie for long long long sections of the movie and sometimes they'll show up again and again doing the same scene over and over. Steppenwolf tells Desaad what's up, what's popping, what are the details like three or four or five times. But then also there's what felt like forever where the bad guys only appeared in maybe a single dream sequence and that's it. * A cover version of This Mortal Coil's 'Song To The Siren' plays over a scene of ... The Flash!???? Throw your comparisons of WandaVision ('20) to David Lynch away, Internet! We have a true heir to the tradition right here! * Zack Snyder loves seeing paper slapped against glass. A guy full hand slaps a drawing of a parademon against a pane of glass. Later, Ezra Miller full hand slaps his acceptance letter to a job against the security divider glass in the prison where he talks to Billy Crudup. <JerrySeinfeldVoice> Put 'em on the glass! </JerrySeinfeldVoice> * The next-to-last scene in the movie is a little fanfilm that Zack Snyder has graciously interpolated into his masterpiece as an act of kindness to whomever made it. * Oh, Steppenwolf now has seven fingers on each hand and golden armour made of lots of teensy tinsy interlocking reticulated pieces. When he is awed by the presence of Darkseid the armour slips away. Rendering him shirtless and thus more powerful! The movie has a simple schema and it is shirts = weakness. (I think the contrast between the resurrected Superman in his black outfit and Steppenwolf in something that's kinda akin to the Magog outfit from Kingdom Come is sort of good, actually.) If I had to sum up the movie in eight words they'd probably be : lightning, shirts, money, dads, the f-word, bugs, boxes, and SLOW. The movie is kind of just generated out of those particular eight elements clashing together in various combinations. Lightning and shirts and money and dads and the f-word and bugs and boxes and SLOW are kind of the guanine and adenine and cytosine and thymine of this movie. Perhaps the best thing that can be said for it is that it's essentially Cyborg's movie. It's a movie about Cyborg with hours upon hours of nonsense interleaved within and alongside it but a Cyborg movie nonetheless. Cyborg saves the world! The movie as a whole is kind of a melange of Jack Kirby and Marv Wolfman and George Pérez and Mike Carlin and Dan Jurgens and Roger Stern and Louise Simonson and Jerry Ordway and Karl Kesel and ... Injustice : Gods Among Us (2013)!??? If you put all of 'em in a blender with hours upon hours of Gatorade commercials you'd get a rich thick slurry with no nutritious value whatsoever. You'd get this movie! It's how they made it! This is exactly how they #ReleasedTheSnyderCut. They used a big blender! In conclusion : Justice League (2021) makes Batman v Superman : Dawn of Justice (2016) look like Man of Steel (2013) in comparison. It makes Watchmen (2009) look like Watchmen ('19), actually, no, it makes them BOTH look like Watchmen #1-12. It proves once and for all if you give Zack Snyder all the money in the world he will make a superhero movie that is so terrible it makes me, personally, grade his previous work on a much higher curve because he's proved he's not capable of doing much better YET ALSO somehow doubt what I've enjoyed about everything he's ever done. Is that bit in Dawn of the Dead (2004) where they're all up on the rooftop taking sniper shots at zombies by using celebrity shorthand still good!? Has he ever been good!? Or is his goodness now even good-er!? If he's capable of doing something this bad then it makes any previous moments of goodness he's managed to eke out even MORE impressive!??? Zack Snyder, savant supergenius???? Maybe???????