Picard in Entertainment Posted March 26, 2020 Terrible! Fumbling towards profundity and failing at it miserably (sole possible exception : The Tempest quotation) in nearly every instance. • Why introduce a magic fix-it machine and have scenes elaborating upon how the magic fix-it machine works and not bother to include a single line about how the one thing we all REALLY need to fix can't be fixed with the magic fix-it machine? Either have Raffi & ... Rios (?) (I literally forgot the character's name for a minute there, I can remember that Doctor Julian Bashir scuttled his number one spot at graduating from Starfleet Medical School because he deliberately confused a preganglionic fibre for a postganglionic nerve but I can't remember the name of a guy I've spent the last seven weeks watching) talk about it in the scene where they're repairing the ship or have Alison Pill's character mention it in the Picard Manoeuvre scene! • What happened to Narek? Did they leave him on the planet? Wait, is the version of Isa Briones who is eeeeevil now dead or just knocked unconscious? Are all the remaining Borg still on that planet? Did they leave Doctor Soong's pervert son in control of this nascent civilization that has just experienced its first intracommunity act of murder? Is Narissa still on that planet or are we expected to believe she's dead for real dead even though we didn't see her dead body? Wait, how did Narissa know Seven of Nine's backstory? • The whole thing hinges on whether or not Isa Briones' character, Soji (Sohji?), chooses to trust humanity or not. She eventually decides to do it. Why? What makes her stop moving holograms around on the planet's surface? Because ... Picard moved some holograms around on the ship? This is the sort of thing TNG inter alia used to spend its final moments of each episode wrapping up in a nice neat li'l bow and this show just decides to outright ignore instead. It's not enough to have Picard talking about the rights & responsibilities of being alive, it's not enough to have him deliver a few lines to her over Zoom, this is what everything's been building towards and it can't be given short shrift. • Why is everyone so inexplicably chummy at the end? Is Raffi bisexual? I'm perfectly fine with a major new character of this here Star Trek being a paranoid drug addict conspiracy theorist bisexual grandma who is now girlfriends with Seven of Nine but I'd like to have had that particular element established prior to the final moments of the season, y'know. Why are Rios and Alison Pill's character making out? She murdered her ex while brainwashed, buddy, you gotta give her some space!!! • omigosh the thing with the order of nuns who have taken the exact opposite of a vow of silence being secretly tied into an evil ancient conspiracy (which is what the Qowat Milat are, we see in the opening flashback of episode 8 that everyone who goes to Secret Planet With Eight Suns are women!) is just a rip-off of a gag from Pratchett & Gaiman's Good Omens. You gotta get better things to rip off if you're doing a Star Trek! TOS is classic movies & the stage, TNG is anime and, yeah, still classic movies, DS9 is probably the most original Trek per volume, VOY & ENT have a lot of horror in 'em, DSC, uh, I guess gets kind of anime in its second season. PIC is just ripping off nerd stuff, really prominent nerd stuff the audience is probably familiar with already, and that combined w/its approach to self-reference within the franchise itself is part of what keeps it all stultified and lifeless and boring. What was the moral of the story? I can't decide what the moral of this Star Trek story is! I've narrowed it down to maybe four choices!a) don't summon a giant metal octopus. If you're ever tempted to summon a giant metal octopus, then, DON'T.b) you can not trust refugees. Or, uh, halfbreeds!?c) it's good to die.e) all of the above? [Edit: Wait, the climax of this whole story was just an identical fleet of ships helmed by a character we barely saw up until now facing off with, sequentially: * an identical bunch of flowers* an identical bunch of mirage'd spaceships* an identical bunch of real starships until she and they gave up and went home! Just some goddamn StarCraft level plotting, spawning zergs, Command & Conquer type BS, Picard & Co. mined enough tiberium to field just the right amount of troops to force the baddies into a draw! Dumb!] Predictions:- there's an obvious unattempted fix to the Doctor Agnes Jurati, Murderer problem that they could have gone with and is still available for the future. But in order to do it from now on they'd have to continue the plot of Season 1 into future seasons and I get the feeling it'll be a real Armin Tanzarian situation for nearly everything they covered so far. (More generously : every season as a whole will be kind of like an individual episode of Star Trek, one single story in a string of stories; so next season will be a new plot, this gang of adventurers dealing with something new, and they'll try to avoid any focus on the details of who killed whom for what reasons years ago.) - That being said, well, Season 2 of Picard is maybe gonna star Angus Imrie (the guy who played a Young Patrick Stewart in Joe Cornish's The Kid Who Would Be King), open with a shot of Sir Patrick Stewart sitting at home on his couch saying the words, "I remember when I was a young captain on the Stargazer" (his wife will hold the phone), and the rest of it will be filmed entirely in Iceland with a crew wearing hazmat suits. - Look, the very real prospect of me and mine spending our final days on this here earth empty-eyed, febrile, and coughing our lungs out is somewhat diminishing my ability to speculate and/or hope for what comes next on Star Trek : Picard. Maybe some Klingon stuff!? I'd love an episode that was just Picard trying and failing repeatedly to return to his long abandoned habit of doing a captain's log, sort of a Secret Honor (1984) deal, a one-hander where Patrick Stewart really got to show his stuff for an hour. But, far more than that, I'd love for everyone I love to. not. die. just. yet.