Cerina

Being "behind" is a concept that only exists in schools and has little to do with learning in general. All educational benchmarks are essentially made up by people and some of those are even arbitrary. Whenever someone pulls their kiddos to homeschool and starts panicking on the FB groups, the first thing we have to make them understand is that homeschool doesn't have to (and shouldn't) look like public school. The second thing we have to make them understand is that there is no such thing as being "behind". Kiddos always learn best on their own timeline, and regardless of the intention and effort of individual teachers, public school simply cannot accommodate each student on their own timeline. Inevitably, this leaves some students "behind". It also leaves gifted and advanced learners "behind" in their potential because they too cannot learn on their own (accelerated) timeline. This is possibly my least favorite thing about our educational system as a whole, and one of the main reasons we homeschool. If we judge solely by state or national standards, both of my kids are "behind" in various subjects. My kiddos are both very smart (though only one has been officially labeled gifted, I'm pretty sure they both are), but they still have a natural learning timeline that doesn't match up with state or national standards. At this point, and I'm not even joking here, Luke's handwriting is better than Noah's. I'm not sure Noah's ever going to have "good" handwriting. Both kiddos use the same math program (very conceptual for exceptionally gifted math-y people) - Luke is flying through Level 1 and will likely be starting Level 2 well before summer, and Noah is FINALLY (OMG FINALLY) on the last section of Level 5. Age-wise, these kids are in 1st and 9th grade. There's a very real possibility that they'll be working on the same math in the next 3-4 years. But the only real advantage Luke has over Noah is that Noah has very low processing speed and working memory. And also, from what I've seen and read, many public schools barely even teach phonics anymore. They rely on other reading methods. Check this out, you might find it enlightening.

I'd be lying if I said I've never done anything similar.

At this point, I'm just hoping for something karmic, like getting struck by lightning while golfing or just a good old heart attack during a rally.

No clue. We still bathe Luke (6) with his little cousins (boys 4 & 5 and girl 3). Nobody seems to care. Noah went through a weird "don't see me naked!" thing when he was 8/9 and then got over it until he was 12ish, and now he's solidly in teenage privacy zone (and he takes 30 minute showers but doesn't seem to come out completely clean...somebody help me here!!). Looking forward to this with Noah. I get it.

I signed up for Stitch Fix a couple of months ago. And so far, I kinda love it. The clothes are high quality, reasonably priced, and it's simple. Most of the brands have been things I've never heard of, but that's fine with me. About 80% of my wardrobe was from Lane Bryant because they're the only brand I know that stays consistent in their sizes so I can shop online more than in store. I like it so much, I signed my husband up as well. So if you want a referral (with a discount I believe) let me know. But I recently decided that I need to just dump all the crap in my closet and basically start over with only clothing that looks good on me. So I had my judgy bitch of a sister come watch me try on my entire wardrobe and tell me honestly what looked good and what didn't. Then I started filling in holes, but first I did a LOT of research (it's what I do) about my body type and coloring and what would look good on me. Turns out, 99% of what I'd kept actually followed exactly what all these stylists online recommended for someone my shape and coloring, so go me for accidentally buying the right things sometimes.

Psychologically speaking, what makes kids "tough" is security. The confidence that grows from a secure home with healthy attachments to caring adults is what develops into mentally healthy adults.

I don't think any amount of exposure to toxic environments is good when they're that young. If it's something that definitely isn't improving, don't hesitate. Just do it. You might just find that you're kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.

I had the hardest time coming to terms with this in my 20s. Still not that good with it tbh.

Ok look. Purple junk is the best kind of junk.

That walk of shame! I love this show more and more every week.

He'd likely be supportive but confused. Trevor still talks about Jason as Jason was 15ish years ago (which wasn't much different than Trevor himself was 15ish years ago tbh), so in his mind, Jason is still a single dufus who spends all of his time and money on video games and movies and works a dead end job. We just don't get jealous or police each other's relationships with other people. We don't really keep secrets from each other either. And not in a high and mighty, self-righteous sorta way - it's just that neither one of us has the bandwidth to bother. We have each other's emails on our phones, all of our social media stays logged in on the computer, we know the passcode to each other's phone, and we share our location with each other on Google maps, not because of any trust issues, just because it makes our lives easier to navigate. At this point, our lives are so intertwined because of our chosen lifestyle (work-from-home, stay-at-home, homeschool, scouting, etc.) that it would be nearly impossible to keep a secret anyway. We're just always together or with the kids.

If I ever decided to reconnect, Trevor would absolutely 100% know about it first.

Trevor actually knows about my and Jason's entire history, and he also knows how much I miss him. Trevor doesn't know how often I dream about Jason or the depth of the feelings that they cause. Their falling out came apart when their other best friend was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease. Jason straight up told Trevor that he just couldn't handle it, and Trevor's response was "well how do you think Craig feels?" I was sorta caught in the middle there. Jason is a much more emotional person that Trevor, and they're quite unmatched in the ability to "power through" something like the slow death of a loved one. I spent years defending Jason there because I know that his initial reaction was a cry for support, and eventually he could have been supported enough to be as strong as Trevor was through the entire thing. But actually, Trevor did eventually reach a point where he couldn't handle it anymore either. Craig deteriorated rapidly for someone with HD, and it took a HUGE toll on Trevor every time we saw Craig. Trevor actually didn't see Craig the last year of his life, mostly because our own lives didn't provide much opportunity but also because it took such a toll. This also all happened about a year or so after we moved from Austin to Houston, so the physical distance also helped them along. All that to say, my friendship with Jason sorta fell by the wayside during all of this as well. We had no fights. Trevor never asked (and especially did not demand) that I stop being friends with Jason as well. We just drifted apart. And Trevor did apologize to him a few years ago, so they sorta made amends, but they'll never be as close again. The last time I saw and spoke to Jason was at Craig's funeral. I'm the one who called Jason to tell him Craig had died. We actually spent nearly 2 hours on the phone that night just chatting and whatnot. And we all spent a lot of time reminiscing and catching up at the wake. This was back in September 2020. Back during the year or so after Trevor divorced and returned from the Navy, I was definitely deeply in love with both of them and sleeping with them both. I now know that they each felt the same, but at the time, neither one was ready to admit it to anyone (especially me) (or each other for that matter). I had a lot of resentment for each of them back then because neither relationship felt casual until they were pressed (usually not by me) then they would flip out and insist that they each were "definitely NOT dating" me. I still don't know if that was because of their relationship with each other or Trevor's recent bad marriage or Jason's twenty-something ideal of his "perfect woman" (which I was not...physically) (also...that might just be my own insecurities there because I don't recall that ever coming up...ever...). (Scratch that! The fourth member of their little boy group, Ramon, once told me that the 4 of them had all agreed that if I "lost a little weight, you'd be SUPER HOT". We don't talk to Ramon either, but in hindsight, I definitely think he had some delays and is likely on the spectrum because he would word-vomit shit like that all the time.) Anyway, these relationships have been consuming half of my 40 year-old life, but I rarely get to talk about them in depth because I've grown apart from everyone in my life who knows the whole histories. And most of our family friends would be appalled if they knew I was sleeping with 2 guys during the same time period (though, it was more than that because those 2 stressed me out so much with their "do they or don't they" bullshit that I kept dating around...which might have also caused some of their issues since I wasn't so secretive about it...)

Background info: My husband Trevor and I started dating in May 2000. We moved in with each other that summer and stayed together until October 2001. He moved out, we broke up. He eventually joined the Navy and married some random girl moments after she turned 18. I started a friends with benefits sorta thing with one of his closest friends, Jason. Jason and I kept this up for years. Real feelings developed but we never upgraded our status beyond friends with benefits. Trevor eventually left the Navy and came home, wife in tow. They divorced. I balanced a friends with benefits thing with both Trevor and Jason for about a year, but it was tumultuous to say the least. Eventually, Jason was slowly replaced by Trevor, and in 2007 I got pregnant with Noah. Trevor and I married in 2011, and things have been pretty solid with us ever since. Trevor and Jason had a falling out not too long after, and we've only seen him a small handful of times since. Also of note, about 8ish years ago another mutual friend of all of ours told Trevor and I that Jason had told her that he regrets not taking things further with me back then and that he feels I'm "the one that got away". I had always assumed that my feelings were stronger than his, and if I had known this at the time, there's a very real chance that I never would have started things back up with Trevor. Ongoing issue: About once every 2-3 months, I have a dream about Jason that brings back all the old feelings. They're insane. The dreams are never sexual but always very intimate, usually about reuniting or finally breaking down and admitting feelings or something along those lines. Now during the normal course of my life, I don't spend any time thinking about Jason at all. And under normal circumstances, I can admit that I miss him and our friendship (we had a very close bond beyond all the sleeping together), but I don't carry any lingering feels other than that. Trevor and I even talk about him every so often as he was a huge part of both of our lives for many years and so many of our good-ol'-days memories include him in some way. However, when these dreams happen they seriously throw me off. You guys ever have dreams that feel so real that you keep the feelings with you for hours or even days after you wake up? This happens every time. For a day or so after these dreams, I basically float about in a daze of longing and heartache. Like I said, I don't really think about him normally, but for a good 24-48 hours these feelings are very real. And then I start thinking about reconnecting - I still have Jason's number (it hasn't changed in so long that I actually have it memorized from the early '00s) and know where he works (head of security at the outlet mall). So I start envisioning myself finding him and sparking up a friendship again. (I do actually miss his friendship. He helped me deal with my and Trevor's breakup in so many ways. I would have spiraled into a much deeper depression without him.) So I don't know what to do with all of this. I had one of these dreams last night, so today I'm sitting here in my office trying to concentrate on work but instead keep thinking about what might have been, how much it feels like I have a hole in my life from the loss of his constant friendship, and fighting the urge to text him. Like I said...the feelings are very real right now despite everything I know about my normal feelings. Somebody tell me that I'm not crazy.

I cannot get past your first paragraph. Like...I'm not sure if we have booze in the house at the moment, but I'm going to need some to keep reading. Holy shit.

Yay interview! So I think we're going to move back to Austin in a year or so. There's a lot of details to figure out first. My husband's grandparents died last year and left a house to my MIL and her brother. Neither of them want it. So we're considering it. The thing is, it was built in 1978 and while decently maintained until roughly 5-7 years ago, everything in it is original to the house (except appliances, roof and HVAC) and also occupied by hoarders. All of the flooring, wallpaper, fixtures, and hardware are straight from '78 and covered with a good half inch of dust. So good news/bad news. It'll be highly unlikely to sell in that neighborhood unless to an investor, so it'll need quite a bit of work to make it livable. Also good news, once updated it'll be worth probably a good $100-150k more than it is now. It's 2050 sq ft on a quarter-acre corner lot. More bad news, Trevor's uncle will likely want all of his half through a sale rather than working with us. We're unlikely to qualify for a decent mortgage since none of our jobs are really transferable to Austin. So now we're thinking of ways to make this work. We have a few things in mind, but are open to any and all ideas.