monkeygirl

I could do a zoom some day soon

I say I won't every time. Jesus and Roy are going to be 15 and 14 this autumn and I think my last permanent cats. I hope-I want to travel. But when having more was an option, I always thought they need us as much as we need them. This helped me adopt again easier and sooner.

Tank, it's good to know you prepared for the strike. Fran Drescher called me today about it (I'm still SAG Aftra). I hope it's short and fruitful. Strikes suck but at least the union is responding.

I worked for Sirius briefly. SERIOUSLY underpaid but I wanted it on my resume

On 12/8/2022 at 5:10 PM, Tank said:

So... my turn?

Things have been interesting since summer. I was noticing my anxiety was getting really bad. I went on meds for it like 12 years ago, when the kid's mother and I split up and I was having a hard time coping with that, even though logically I was happy with us splitting up.

As of late, I have a lot of anxiety around work. While screenwriting is awesome and pays really well and rarely requires me to punch a clock anywhere, it has the downside of always being temporary. Even if I staffed on some stupid procedural doctor or cop show that went on for a decade, odds are I wouldn't be there for the full run of it. Movie work lasts a few months. TV work can last for 2-3 years, and in 3-6 month chunks.

The downtime between jobs has always been hard for me, cause while I may have had a nice pay day, I may not know when the next one is coming. And in the last year, the time between jobs is getting further apart, and the pay stopped going up with experience. The mental toll the downtime takes on me is becoming unsustainable.

The anxiety really wanted this to be my fault-- something is wrong with me, I'm not good enough, etc. After having a lot of frank conversations with other writers, it's clear that it's not me. Hollywood is basically imploding right now, and it's happening on the development side, so writers are getting the worst of it. As briefly as I can say it-- streaming has taken over as being the dominant outlet for both film and TV production. Union agreements for streaming only came about after the last writer's strike in the early 2000s. That was because NBC put The Office on their website and didn't pay residuals. The WGA was able to get an agreement for "new media" that was so-so, but it was a start, and had incremental (but limited) increases. But in the last 15 years, it's become the entire business, and now, streamers can make really crappy deals with writers. I know high level vet writers making half of what they used to. On the studio side, companies are struggling to find ways to make streaming profitable. AMC just announced layoffs today because they can't figure it out. HBOMax had it dialed in, but corporate restructuring is destroying it. Netflix and Amazon basically do whatever they want.

I could talk about this all day, and maybe will in a different thread, but all this means that me making a living got a lot harder. And to combat these work conditions, there is very likely going to be writer's strike this summer, which means I can't work at all. So my anxiety has gotten over thinking I suck, but now is firmly entrenched in HOW WILL I SURVIVE. I've been doing a lot of other things and looking back to design work, and teaching, and have a few schemes... but it all takes time to establish and I am rapidly going broke.

So basically, this has been destroying my self esteem, sense of self worth, sense of being a parent that can provide for my child, and also, I realized I'd been on my meds long enough I've likely lost their efficacy. I've been trying a few different meds, and along the way got assessed and confirmed as being pretty super ADHD. I started meds for that, and upside, I am crazy efficient on them and my creative output has been ridiculous. But it doesn't help with intrusive anxiety thoughts. Tried Zoloft, but it made my junk not work. (And speaking of, all of this has made me scale back on extracurricular dating a LOT). Trying Cymbalta now, and we'll see what happens.

So I don't really have a question for the group... just saying that it's very hard to be a functional human right now.

 

I'm not sure why I didn't type this all out last December, but I can so identify with this.

Radio is the same and it used to be you'd get 2-10 years out of a gig-now you're lucky to get a whole year. The owners are beholden to the tech side so streaming and the websites get their attention-live, on-air presentation takes a back seat. The more they disconnect from their live listeners, the more the business suffers, the more they wonder why.

I've been off the air more than 3 months now and while I know it's no reflection on me or what I do, it's hard to make money in the down time. I'm too old to learn another industry and nothing I could do can pay me as much as voiceover and radio-although radio is paying me less than burger flipping wages right now.

This is us getting trapped in the war between wages-the wealth gap just keep widening and I don't see a cure other than a reset of capitalism.

ALSO: I added Abillify to my meds and it made a really big difference with no side effects

11 hours ago, Zathras said:

I got the sad news today that my kitty, Nygyl, has end stage kidney failure.  He's 17 and my little buddy.  I am going to have to put him to sleep within the next few weeks.    

I'm so sorry

On 5/21/2023 at 7:20 PM, Ms. Spam said:

I felt the same right after I quit the second job. There was a kind of background noise of worry worry worry about money and doing stuff. I still haven't even finished settling all of Tina's estate. There was a tax thing I had to do and I've been waiting ages to get a letter from the IRS. I could spend all day on hold but I have other things I want to do instead. 

I've been asked to garden around the pool! It's super shady so we are limited to what can grow. I found some hostas and someone gave me two turks cap plants.

I think the always hot feeling is why I could never live in Florida.  I get rage-y when it's hot. LOL How the heck did people live without air conditioning? 

I am glad you got a part time job. Giant hugs!

I haven't settled my mom's estate yet, either. Probate=finality and I just can't yet.

Congrats on your promotion to pool gardener! PICS OFTEN PLEASE. The month of May kills me when I don't have places to garden.

The always hot feeling is just gross. I spend way too much time indoors for such a beautiful place. But it is nice to know that when I have to go out-it's likely going to be a gorgeous day. Now, instead of going outside to cool off, I stand under an AC vent. I remember going on some ride at Disney World when I was a kid-in Epcot, it was like living with the dinosaurs for 10 minutes. It feels that primitive and swampy most of the time here. My neighbors don't even use the pool unless it's a low-humidity day.

On 5/21/2023 at 7:22 PM, Hobbes said:

What station?  Before education, I was in radio.  I did evenings on a HOT AC station in Denver and voice tracked overnights and was the MD for a satellite network out of Avon/Vail (called Radio One but I left radio altogether when they were bought in 2002 out and moved the HQ to Iowa). 

I never got used to the heat and bugs when I lived in Florida.  I can handle the heat for a few months--but I love seasons. 

Every time I go outside, I feel like I'm walking into a greenhouse.

Turns out, I'm on stations in all 6 US time zones. I'll get a short list soon. It's a fascinating system. I recorded about 300 liners for these stations this past week. Then when I'm on live, they mix them in.

Hot AC=Adult top 40. I have to bone up on Ava Max and her ilk.

I got a 2020 Corolla when I moved here. I Love it so far! It fits me and it has a backup camera and bluetooth, which were my only considerations. I did research after I bought it and found out I made a good decision, thank gawd.

is odd. It's beautiful! I love palms and beaches, though. I expected to see DeSantis and Mickey Mouse duking it out at the beach but so far, my life has been free of politics. One of my friends here is a Republican but he hates Trump so he's tolerable, politically.

I have two tiny (3'X15-20') sun drenched gardens and am waiting to see what happens when they're regularly watered before I rip out too much. My mom had some ferns and rain lilies planted out back and some bougainvilla in the front, I could live with those. I planted 10 black mondo grass with the ferns and so far it's surviving.

It's fucking hot here, even when it's not hot, it feels fucking hot. And it's not even the hot season yet. The AC runs all the time and when it clicks on, my brain registers a furnace kicking on and I have a tiny panic.

I got a job-part time on some hot AC station in Colorado, I start training tomorrow. Looking forward to some structure in my day-I spend all my free time at my pool. I'm in vacation mode and really haven't looked for work much yet. This job came from someone recommending me.

I've only been to the beach a handful of times but spent Thursday morning jet skiing-a belated birthday gift to a friend here. That was awesomeballs. I could do that daily. 4 dolphins came up around us so we shut off our engines and videoed them for a bit. It was really special. Had some lunch at John's Pass along with a few cocktails. That day didn't suck.

Most of my days are like they were in Seattle-spent at home, anxiety-ridden over the shit I *should* be doing. And it's hot outside.

If I owned this apartment, I'd consider it! The moving sucks even more the closer I get to Monday! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

If I could...

We went out last night to one of Seattle's oldest restaurants...it was all good. I have to tell you, Katrina has the BEST voice! It's mid to lower range but it has the most appealing little squeak to it! It's just enchanting. And I cannot get over Reese not sounding southern because in my head, she does

It's been epic FUN!

I'll be a Floridian on that date

I LOVE this dream!!

I don't really want to keep the things I'm purging, though. You know that box of wires you have? It contains the original ethernet cable you got with your computer. And all your old speaker wire. I had that, old extension cords, a rotary phone, old, obsolete recording equipment. Then the stuff in my kitchen. I've never had but now want like matching dishes and nice glasses. I have a hodgepodge of stuff in mine, so did my Mom so I'm only taking my favorites and probably shouldn't even bother taking those. I may not.

The good, but pricey thing is, my moving company will come and do everything I don't get to. If I don't wrap the mirrors and wall art-they will-but it's all at a cost. So this move WILL get done in time, regardless of my progress. So, it costs more. I'm already hemorrhaging money

I almost fell for one today. "Comcast" called about my modem but then they asked me to go to my computer and type in the windows key + R, I was like, call me later.

I called Comcast and they assured me they never call out about modem trouble. I assumed that was the end of it but the scammer actually called me back!

I didn't factor in time to go donate half the shit-I really had no idea of the amount of moving time this would suck up. Somehow, I didn't think I had that much, but again, I'd just moved out of a two-story home before this and I brought so much with me. I wanted to purge even more than I have. I guess I still have a month to keep it up.

I'm stressed I won't sell my furniture in time and will have to pay to have it removed. I'm afraid of what will get lost and broken. I hope I can sell my car but keep it til I move (the day after Super Bowl Sunday). And I really am not looking forward to flying with L-Roy and Jesus. I got them gabapentin but I'm still very nervous.

And don't get me started on the cost. Good lord.

Spam on meth. There's a thought. Again-good lord.

I feel like I'm on an episode of Hoarders! I have to look at every fucking thing before I decide to toss, donate or move it, THEN I have to go donate it-for which I need boxes and then I have to pack the keeps-MORE boxes. Then I have to go to the dump because I don't have compacter friendly trash right now.

This bites.

Buncha baby hall monitors

I got some rose sparkling wine and a mani/pedi but I'm moving soon so I didn't really want anything. I bought all my gifts to others from amazon and told them so they can exchange if they want.

14 hours ago, Destiny Skywalker said:

He was the Wazzu coach for awhile.

Yeah, I learned that during the coverage. I'd just never even registered his name before-the coverage implied he had a big name. I assume it's me

We had holiday fun! I got to see the kitties briefly, I had a stiff adult beverage, we watched excellent holiday TV fare, his kids are awesome-Lyra has the coolest haircut and Eli told me he loves me (the feeling is mutual). I wrapped his wife's presents JAYKIB DON'T FORGET tag, ribbons, bow!!

I came home, smoked a bowl and fed my kitties, then watched Arthur Christmas. It was a good 9th day before Christmas.

'they treat mainstream politics like entertainment'

I've noticed this-the same people that called the OJ trial a "show". Can't blame them, really, the way reality programming works.

RN, I"m loving having a really small family.

15 hours ago, Gamevet said:

Former Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach passed away yesterday, after having a heart attack. He was only 61 years old.

Was this guy mega famous? Thew news coverage here was wall to wall