Destiny Skywalker

I'm really debating taking Q to one last lacrosse practice. This season has not gone well, which I kind of expected but hoped for better. The coach played lacrosse for a military academy, so you can guess at what kind of attitude and coaching philosophy he has. He plays favorites and cares too much about winning for a recreational level program. She left the last practice feeling like absolute crap. She has 3 games this weekend and then one more week of practice. She opted out of the holiday weekend tournament because the last tournament we traveled to, the coach treated her like crap. Soccer starts next week, so we've already decided to blow off practice next week. I told her let's go to Saturday's game because the A team won't be there. She likes the B team coach and girls. She is much more relaxed and plays well with her own team. But Sunday, the A team plays right before them, so they are going to stick around and take playing time from the B team girls like they do every time there is a back to back game. So I'm debating whether we even show up on Sunday. It will largely depend on her mood. But I think we are done with this sport. With her going back to premier (year-round) soccer, I think it will be asking too much of her to play 2 sports in the spring. There is also a local performance choir in the area and she has always really enjoyed that at her old school and she definitely has more of a stage presence than the other kids at her new school. So she is going to audition for that next month, and I think that will be a fun activity for her with not too much commitment (one practice a week after school, 3 concerts a year). She is also continuing with Girl Scouts next year. We also find out next week if she gets into the gifted program. If she does not, I will be asking for her test scores and appealing if she met the benchmarks. We took E to his genetic testing appointment and they said they don't think we need to worry about Williams Syndrome or NF1 (it looks like he and I are both carriers of NF1 but it can mutate during your lifetime). However, they still want to test him. When he was in the NICU, they did an echocardiogram and apparently noticed a small abnormality but didn't tell us about it. So we are going back for an echocardiogram. Honestly, I think this might explain why he is so thin and near failure to thrive. So right now I'm waiting on insurance authorization for testing.

Thank God that's over. Of course we are not playing for the team we expected but it's a good fit and I think a closer drive. And it only took 2 days instead of 5 like last year.

I had the shits last week and lost 2 lbs. Best I've done since January.

Hey Boo Boo

Soccer tryouts week is the worst week of the year, every single year. Please God let her have an offer tonight so I can have my life and sanity back.

E had his first concert ever, last night. Last year he caught COVID right before and everyone (him, teachers, us) were so disappointed he had to miss it. Music class is often hard for him. I think it's a bit overstimulating but he loves music, too. His SpEd teacher called me to see if he was coming, we worked out a plan to have us sit right in front of him, next to his paraeducator. After school activities have been rough lately. Meds have worn off by then and the afternoon booster dose doesn't seem effective. Tried using an extra patch last night at Cub Scouts, even that didn't seem great. E told us he was nervous, too. Teachers told us he has been doing great at rehearsals. So we try an afternoon dose, and drop him off. Principal stops by our seats to tell us that he has just been a bundle of energy at rehearsals and very enthusiastic and she loves it. Yikes. Now I'm nervous. He actually did pretty good. He had to go to the bathroom in between songs at one point. Mom and her nerves forgot to stop by the bathroom beforehand. He was indeed enthusiastic, and a little bouncy, but he knew the words and the motions and did what he was supposed to do for a whole 20 minutes with a little wiggling. I had some awkward moments with teachers and parents. His teacher ran him to the bathroom and I followed. She said she just absolutely loves him and I just kind of looked at her awkwardly. I've just heard that so many times through gritted teeth that I just don't know how to respond because I assume they are lying to me. I don't know why, but it usually feels fake. Maybe I just don't know her very well, I've felt really disconnected from his teachers since they went back in person. Somehow virtual school actually made me feel closer to his teachers. I probably should trust that she actually means it, but ike I said, we've heard people say it and not mean it, even within our own family. Another parent in the pickup line for the classrooms told me oh your son was just the star of the show! Honestly it made me feel terrible and think that people were laughing at him. I get it, he stands out. Even Q stands out in a crowd, and her wiggling is nowhere near the same level. I mean, we are still proud of him. He did what he was supposed to do, and I love that he's not sulky or a boring little robot. He has a great personality. I just know that others shame him for not conforming, and I'd rather people not call attention to his non-conformance. With Q, I'm a lot more confident that she's going to be an amazing adult. For him, I worry he will struggle. We have a genetic counseling appointment in a week and a half. I'm pretty sure I am going to get some answers that we won't like. I'm actually more worried about my husband, who has been super stressed and burned out and can't really handle any more bad news.

I had to have whiskey after last night's Girl Scout meeting, but not a Xanax. But I also don't have any Xanax, so...

I drove by Snoqualmie at 4:30 PM Sunday. Season ended at 5 PM. Just a few people left on the mountain. It was also in the 50s there this weekend, so it was a pretty sloppy weekend. Most of the mountain has been closed for a few weeks, there was definite bare spots in some of the closed terrain. Is Purg still open?

Mark Hamill liked my comment on Facebook today so I'm pretty much a celebrity by proxy.

I think you're right that the model needs flipped. But as you and I have said before, pay to play is all about money. It just kills me because select soccer was so fun when I was a kid, I played U14-U19. We started Q at U9 because it was clear she had an exceptional talent (she is sure as hell going to be better than I was). And I just found it to be weird. Even at U9, it was development is on your own time and coaches with A licenses trying to run 8-year old girls through drills that I wouldn't have run until middle school. First coach didn't care about winning, at least. But the parents did. I admittedly didn't like seeing my kid get stomped by some of the power clubs but I also didn't like when they would beat up on teams 9-0 the next year in the low division. I've also noticed that there's a lot less creative play and more emphasis on 1v1. I had to talk to Q because she kept busting out stepovers at tryouts and they weren't fooling anyone. I told her that the fancy moves are for getting yourself out of trouble. If you aren't in trouble, pass or dribble, because a step over is only going to slow you down if you are at speed. The best players I played with growing up did not do the fancy shit. They were just fast and very good at the small touches and direction changes, and change in speed. They knew how to avoid people, they didn't take people on or dick with the ball unnecessarily. Were you nearsighted by any chance? That might explain why your "range" is optimized at 1 meter and why you don't have good depth perception. I was far-sighted as a kid. Might explain why I could put the ball on a dime as a midfielder but hated tight 1v1 situations. (My depth perception is also not fabulous, but for some reason judging distance is easier for me.

We're traveling this weekend, next weekend maybe?

I don't think my friend is suing. She's just letting the district know what happened and why she pulled her son and decided to homeschool. I forgot we had a big victory for E. He has made friends with a girl in 4th grade. Her mom is actually a paraeducator and has subbed for E's para a few times. E's birthday was Saturday, and on Monday, the family actually sent a gift home with him. It was a science kit and just the sweetest gesture. The girls (she is actually a twin) signed a card for him and everything. He really doesn't have friends because he still does a lot of parallel play, so it means a lot that this girl plays with him almost every recess and while waiting for the bus. His OT also reported that he has been trying to facilitate some social opportunities during OT with some of the other patients and E is showing some good social skills (I mean, he's super sociable but he's not being controlling or jabbering about his favorite new thing). I'm really hopeful that he can start making some friends in the next few years, even if it's not a huge group. Q is quite the social butterfly and had already snapped up all the kids on the cul-de-sac, even the ones younger than E, so unfortunately a lot of the kids just see E as Q's annoying little brother. I'm hoping when she goes to middle school, we can rectify that, and maybe he can become friends with the boy across the street, at least. I actually think they would get along well.

The issues we had with the last select team was almost entirely girl behavior (and parent, by extension). While in some ways it was almost refreshing to not have the extremely hardcore parents, the inane banter about mani/pedis and the like I had to listen to on the sidelines made me want to gouge my eyes out. My husband started calling them Real Housewives of (Insert town name). The meanest girl on the team had a little sister who was an absolute terror, and everyone would say oh she's so cute, and I would watch and say that's a nightmare in the making. So when the girl grabbed Q by the neck during a practice because she was pissed that Q kept beating her in 1v1, I was entirely unsurprised but super pissed. These parents (and their daughters) were entirely focused on the image of playing select soccer, not development. That's how I know it's not a good fit for her; they just have completely different goals. I would be willing to consider her moving up to the next level team but I wouldn't accept a spot for her on this team again. There were a few girls who got it, but most did not. I was an all-around good athlete but not the best at anything. I didn't start soccer until I was 12 (U13) but fell in love and developed quickly, partially because of my natural athletic ability but also because I put the work in. I often say I know how to train at higher levels, and I have the mindset to do it, but maybe didn't have enough skill to get there quick enough since I was a late bloomer. My mom was really sick when I was a kid so I didn't get to go play on organized sports teams, so I was kind of a late bloomer to everything. I played 3 seasons of softball and 1 season of basketball. Softball was kind of the cool sport in my town, but I quit because I had a coach who was super pissed that I missed a softball game for a single soccer game (I did the same once for soccer, soccer coach didn't care). I wasn't going to play at higher levels, I was just a decent center fielder who really wanted to play 3B but I was always on a team with a good 3B. I loved street basketball and was actually a really good dribbler but not that great at shooting (and also 5'3"). I played 1 season of organized basketball and absolutely hated it. I quit those sports at an appropriate time (going into HS) and focused on soccer. I started skiing and bowling at 6, and actually stuck with bowling through my senior year of college. I played half a season of JV tennis but quit because there was too much homework freshman year and it overlapped with select soccer season. I really think my relationship with sports was a really healthy one and I don't see that in today's environment. Kids used to be allowed to try stuff and not necessarily be good, but we also had parents willing to put in the volunteer time who weren't just in it to make sure their kid got all the playing time. And sure there was Daddy Ball even then (the snobby girls I mentioned earlier, their dad was the select coach the last 2 years because the younger one was so bad that she wouldn't have made the team otherwise), but I feel like it's gotten more toxic.

Jacen how is your recovery going? It's getting real over here. District fired our SpEd director over racist comments in a meeting. And one of my friends pulled her son from school (same program as E) and filed a discrimination complaint. I think there's going to be some house cleaning coming up.

I kind of hoped she would be a 2-sport athlete (you know, like how some of us played multiple sports growing up), but I'm starting to think she's just going to get tired of the stress. Lacrosse has been a lot less fun this year. Part of it is the coach, but part of it is the girls are hitting middle school age and are just jerks to each other. There doesn't seem to be a team mentality anymore. I mean I never got along with everyone on every team, but my select soccer team played together for 5+ years (U14 to U19, but we were spread across about 3 years), we were pretty tight by the time I graduated. We could at least be civil to each other (until I ran into 2 of those bitches at a wedding 15 years later and they pretended not to know me, but really they were the only ones that shallow).

It's super gross. Lacrosse is getting there, too. Lots of cheating, stacking rec level teams. I think this is why she loves skiing. So much less stressful.

Alright I know this is the ski thread, but the unicorn club turned out to not be a unicorn. Coach chose to poach lesser players from the rival club. Even our friends who know girls who got spots say Q got screwed. And now rival club can't even field a team. Once again, adults ruin youth soccer. So in a few weeks, we try again. On the bright side, we will probably get to play with friends again.

I definitely sent that to a friend this week. It was an awful day. I attended a meeting today that they have put off for weeks because we needed all the right people together. I was considered a key contributer. My manager even told me, hey you need to put in your word early before people start dominating the meeting. So I spoke up. And was spoken over. So after waiting 10 minutes for someone to shut up, I used the hand raise function. After a few more minutes, 2 others raised their hand. Then the guy finally shut up and said I'd like to hear what Hand Raise #3 has to say. My manager said hey she tried to talk and she had her hand raised first. So I said a few things and relinquished the floor. Then they tried to default to Hand Raise #3 again and my manager again said, look he's #3 someone else is going before him. Then we all finally heard from #3, he asked to steal the ball and share HIS interpretation of what others said. They all love him, fall all over themselves, and I spend the rest of the meeting being talked over and interrupted. I was in tears by the end. It was the worst, most frustrating meeting of my entire career. This guy constantly takes credit for my and others ideas, restates ideas as his own, and everyone just fawns over him. Its disgusting and I'm over it. I was so disrespected. I told my manager I am about to excuse myself from this space and stop contributing because this behavior is so disgusting and no one will listen to a word I say if this guy is in the room. I'm going to start buying lottery tickets.

Starting my day looking up the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. Turns out I work with a psychopath.

It was a really messed up situation where she got mad that E was fidgeting with random objects because she has zero toys, puzzles games, etc and then tried to gaslight him into saying she couldn't find them and that he couldnt have the dollar store sword I bought him so he wouldn't fidget with random items until he found it. She also accused him of stuffing a candy wrapper in her couch. Just as easily could be Q or her husband (who she has totally busted doing that in the past to hide that he was eating junk food). So we called her bluff and tore the house apart looking for the missing item and she finally admitted she hid it on top of the refrigerator. E got very dysregulated about it (not screaming or crying, just wound up and anxious). My husband laid into her for being an asshole to an 8-year old with cognitive impairments and forced her to apologize to E. She also admitted that she just took the sword because she did not approve of the toy he picked out because he might break something swinging it around. Like, she's just a horrible person. We may never stay there again because she does manipulative shit like this because she's also undiagnosed ADHD and probably ODD. Given how she treated him when we pulled him from Pre-K and asked her to help watch him for 4 months until Kindergarten started while we lined up doctor appointments and IEP meetings, its a pattern. I would never trust her with him. My dad is mildly stupid right wing, but at least he's not total batshit crazy right wing. But I would worry about the effect he would have on Q, who is a sweet little bleeding heart liberal feminist who also loves Jesus. And he is of the "have you tried spanking him?" mindset when it comes to E. He's just an old Boomer. What the hell is wrong with our parents, guys? Like that whole generation is messed up.

God I hope we aren't weird like our parents. That's some Boomer shit right there. We had a pretty shitty visit with my MIL a few weeks ago. Like, got themselves taken off the list of who will take care of my kids if we both die bad. I actually had to ask Q's God parents if they would do it. Right now they are praying we never go on vacation alone until both kids are 18. (Like we've ever been able to do that anyway.)

My head just exploded reading this. I need to go lie down.

I very much agree with that article, and your perspective on win now. We've had coaches say that they don't care about winning now but then... actually I would probably say the first coach knew he was playing the long game but the 2nd coach absolutely wanted to win now. I can tell she is personally very competitive, though, so I think it has to do with that. I don't see the point in filling a roster to only let the same starting players play and subs ride the pine at U13. If they're that bad, you shouldn't take them anyway. My HS coach could've taken 18 and he only took 14 for varsity because he felt the JV girls were such a significant drop in quality he didn't want to bother. The first choice club tryout is next week. There are 48 girls trying out for 30-36 spots across 2 age groups. I'm so nervous for her. Alpental is closing up shop a few weeks early because they are installing a new chair and everyone is crying about it.

My mom put off a colostomy for probably 15 years. It was so freeing once she did it, I think she regretted not doing it earlier. If you frequently find yourself in embarrassing situations that you need to escape from, I'd recommend it if you start to find yourself in that situation. We checked out a new Cub Scout pack for E last night and it was so much better. The den leader was organized and hands on, and also didn't get annoyed with wiggly little boys (they all were). They have a good mix of fun and getting requirements done. I think we are going to switch, at least for the rest of the year. I also signed E up for a Camp Fire membership because they have a local camp that is supposed to be very good and they are (supposedly) very good at inclusion. There is now a club in our neighborhood, so we are going to check that out as an option, as well, and then we can decide which is a better fit for next year.

They have to be pretty close friends. Is your wife breastfeeding or formula feeding? If formula, I think its easier to have someone to help out overnights unless she's got a serious freezer stash of breastmilk. Is baby sleeping through the nights or not really? I don't want to downplay your concerns, I get it that she is concerned about you not being able to pick up the baby for 6 weeks. Is it really just nights that she's worried about? Do you do most of the night care, usually? Is she worried about also caring for you? Would it be easier to get a nurse for you for the first week or so? Is there a lot of dressing changes?