Destiny Skywalker

We are having such a hard time hiring bus drivers and paraeducators in our district. On one hand I'm glad we probably lost all the people who shouldn't have been there in the first place, but they are running on a skeleton crew. When do we think the labor shortage will go back to normal? Is this the new normal? I feel like the hardest hit industries are food and education. Where did all those people go? Did they retire permanently? Are they unemployed? We are preparing ourselves for another brain drain in engineering because of some strange loophole in the pension plan where if you take a lump sum pension payout by the end of the year, you will walk away with an extra years worth or something. (Yes, I still have a pension but it's no longer accruing, so it won't be that much by the time I retire, and I fully expect some sort of lump sum payout at some point.) Just about everyone over the age of 55 is flirting with it.

My team does not have enough desks for people because they sold the building we were in during the pandemic. Everyone else had to commit to 4+ days a week in the office, so we are sort of the lucky ones because it was only 2 days for us. But hence the desk sharing. But yes, in the past people have argued over a window seat. Now I think everyone is just like screw it, the best seat is at home. The guy came back later and started joking with another new guy about being "banished" and then got aggressive when I didn't react. He asked me if I was on a meeting or just ignoring him so I responded I'm ignoring you. He didn't like that and walked off. I was trying very hard not to escalate. I asked one of my coworkers who witnessed the morning interaction if I was overreacting and she said no, it was over the top. I asked if I handled that ok because I was trying not to escalate but also let him know that his behavior was not ok and I was not going to take it. She agreed that in a shitty situation it was about my only choice for standing my ground and not stooping to his level. I ended up emailing my boss about it and saying look I don't want to make a big deal but I want to document it and name the witnesses so if the guy tries to report me for whatever, I've already given my statement. Honestly the guy was so agitated that I feel like I need to CYA. I just stepped down from a leadership role because I was expected to do too much babysitting for grown men and they would throw any undesirable task over the fence to me. I used to be a very effective lead in the past because I looked out for my team, gave them lots of kudos, and earned their loyalty that way. This team just wanted a secretary. So at this point I'm done with the sexist nonsense and I don't really care about sucking up or them "liking me".

Today's hostile work environment is brought to you by assigned seats. With the return to office, we had to sort out seating arrangements. Our team decided to come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays for collaboration days, so we had to sign up for desks. Our manager assigned the seats. I have been sitting in this desk for the last few weeks. My name is literally on the desk. Today I get here and a guy is sitting in my desk, but he was away so I waited for him to come back and said I would like to sit in my seat. He got very hostile and said he has been sitting here the whole time. Well your desk is over there, take it up with the manager, and my ergonomic foot rest is under the desk because I sat here all of last week. He even took the chair to be spiteful. I kind of expect this out of the older guys, but this guy is at least 10 years younger than me. I hate the office.

One is unfortunately a good work friend who is struggling to stay relevant after going fully remote. He at least doesn't talk over me, but in a recent meeting (where I tried to give him and another guy lots of kudos realizing that I was the project lead and wanted to not hog all the credit) he basically repeated what I said and the last line on my pitch. Like, ok? I was actually a little embarrassed for him because I thought it looked desperate. For years he and I have worked in a similar specialty but he had more education, so he had the edge. However I've always had more leadership skills and less stage fright, and I've started to break into a new area, so I think he's worried that now I have the edge. The other one is the asshole who got the role I wanted for years handed to him on a silver platter when he showed up because he is good friends with an influential manager. He has started to get credit for lots of my ideas. Fortunately my manager sees right through it and has started to document and correct other people's mistaken assumptions about who had what idea and when. My manager told me that behind closed doors he will take all the credit, but when I walk into a meeting suddenly it's OUR project. The guy is out for a medical issue the rest of the week. Time to shine, porcupine. Fortunately, the last guy is very popular amongst a couple managers, but has managed to piss off everyone else who has to work with him. Honestly, the worst thing about him is that he just won't shut up. Ever. He was on vacation for 2 weeks and we got so much work done because he wasn't constantly interrupting the process with his pontificating.

Why does gf moving in mean he won't be able to stay with you? I mean yeah less privacy but is she taking his room?

I think perfectsim understands perfectly.

Is it bad that I look forward to certain people being out of the office so they can't mansplain for me in meetings?

E had his first Cub Scout meeting and he actually had fun and enjoyed it. Lately he complains about anything that requires him to leave the house. It was obviously a recruitment meeting so it was all just fun. His energy was not too far off the other boys, and the adults seemed pretty laid back. I was probably hovering compared to the others but he definitely needed some reminders and redirection a few times. I asked that we get to attend a pack or den meeting before committing to make sure he still likes it. There are a few boys and maybe a girl in the Bear Den so hopefully he makes some friends. School also seems to be going well after they finally implemented the rewards system that I warned them he needed right away.

I hate to say it, but sounds like she used you as a short-term consultant instead of long-term as you thought. Not necessarily a bad thing, just if you do it again, you need to change your business model. You can do a 6 month contract if they want you to stay on longer to implement, or you can give them the plan and they implement themselves for a one-time (expensive) fee. Either way, up your rates.

I think we all gave up on her. Probably should've considering Philip died, usually the elderly give up after their long-time spouses go.

E's teacher is an older lady. So was last year's. I was worried at first but then she turned into his 2nd biggest advocate. And I forgot to mention that we found out that E's occupational therapy practice is essentially going under. No one has been paid in 3 weeks so the therapists all walked out. E's OT actually said he would finish out this week. The man is a Saint. You guys got any idea for a gift I can get him to say thanks? Would a grocery store gift card be something helpful? I find it so shitty the owner can't pay people. Billing has been a hot mess for a long time so it's not entirely surprising.

First day of school is tomorrow and I am a stressbox. Every school supply list has been wrong and needed some last minute additions, and I am the type of parent that feels obligated to get everything even if I think its stupid. I got a call from transportation today confirming pickup and drop-off times but then when I logged into the system it shows him being picked up at a neighbor's house (a grumpy neighbor, at that) and being dropped off at the transportation center 40 minutes later instead of school. I am going to have to call at 7 AM when the dispatch office opens and they will likely be super annoyed with me because it's the first day and will be a shitshow no matter what. I am trying not to get worked up but I do not get a warm fuzzy from E's gen ed teacher (same initial impression as June). She seems alarmed by his energy and irritated that he doesn't make good eye contact (um hello he's in a social communication delay program). School psychologist swears she is just like his 2nd grade teacher. Not seeing it. If they pull the same nonsense as last year I'm going to ask them to pay for and transport to a private 1:1 school or send him to our neighborhood school with a paraeducator. Not doing the behavior program.

You guys are kicking butt! I would send my kids there in a heartbeat.

We have our crew, fortunately. However, most of our friends' kids are not athletic, and that's a pretty defining quality for Q. She is basically mini jock girl. I took her shopping this weekend for clothes for the first time, and let her pick out her own stuff. It was all athleisure and girl power/science shirts. Cracked me up but it's also exactly what I've bought for her over the years. But she's a natural athlete and shines in environments with every day kids. Parents notice it, teachers and administrators notice it and comment to me about it. But it also means she doesn't have a good friend to play soccer or lacrosse with. She often makes friends on teams, but she doesn't show up with a built-in friend. I wonder if that would make all of this easier. I've noticed she does great at Girl Scouts when she has at least 1 friend there or with individual activities but had a hard time at the last workshop I took her to where she didn't know anybody. She had a hard time working with others and felt her ideas weren't listened to. I am pretty free-range also. I let my kids mess up and have natural consequences, but I also keep an eye on them. And heard on modeling with Luke. That is exactly how it goes with E. We had a playdate with one of his classmates and he actually did great, but I know he tends to hound kids when he wants to play with them and can't take a hint when they don't want to play with him.

That's really unfair. Are you in a position where you can call them on it? You don't have to be mean, but a simple reminder that you took the position because it would mean better work-life balance for you and its actually gotten worse because they're running you all over the place is totally fair, IMO.

I actually appreciated a lot of what you said. Those are bad parents, not some of this petty shit like I am about to bitch about. I lost my shit at soccer practice tonight. I can't handle the girls and the adults. Honestly, it's a lack of character and it's becoming infectious. The girls constantly blame others for their own mistakes. They cheat at almost every simple task or drill. This is one area I am very proud of Q. She touches every line in shuttles, she is honest when she loses the ball in rondos (5 v 1 or 5 v 2 keep away). Some of the girls have started straight up gaslighting Q for every perceived mistake, even when it is not her mistake, or sometimes their "advice" is straight up wrong. Coach does not correct them when they cheat. Assistant coach occasionally sticks up for her UNLESS it's her daughter. Tonight coach wasn't even there, so the assistant coach ran practice. Q decided to tell her daughter that she did not appreciate being blamed for stuff constantly and the assistant coach interrupted her because she "thought Q was going to be mean". No, she's advocating for herself. Tonight Q did everything right and the girls just piled on and cheated and complained. They did this awful drill called Lightning where you shoot at the goal and you are immediately the goalie after your shot. It is a hot mess because they've never learned proper shooting form and they play it entirely too fast. This is a drill that older players with proper form should play, but the way they are playing it encourages terrible form, wild shots, and just playing as fast as possible. When you get scored on as goalkeeper you are also "out", which means most of the team is just picking their nose on the sideline doing nothing or shagging balls. Q was first out because she went right before their strongest kicker (strong but wild). So after awhile she started helping make passes. Cue complaints about how she didnt put it where they wanted. Coach's daughter straight up cheated and didn't go out when she got scored on. (And the passes were honestly just as good as the assistant coach, she is the most accurate passer on the team.) It ended when E (sitting next to me) got hit in the nuts by a wild ball from that same girl I mentioned, and I told Q it was time to go home because I was DONE with this drill. There was another incident earlier where one of the girls got cleated on her upper leg. All of the other girls immediately dropped to one knee and then started harping on Q to take a knee and "give her space". Q saw the girl clutch her leg and actually ran the opposite way and fished out an ice pack and took it over to the coach. The entire time the girls are yelling at her. After she dropped it off, she then dropped to one knee. Honestly, I was super proud of her for that moment. That right there was Girl Scout training and showed her character. She kept a cool head and did something helpful. And I hate this term but the other girls just totally acted like sheep. She knew that there was a moment to be compliant but the other girls went straight to compliance and tried to shame her for not following the crowd. Y'all, I have a long way on this tween girl journey. The other girls are going to kill me because I do not raise my daughter like other girls.

No way, we are all fighting different battles. This isn't who has it the worst.

Definitely block off the time you are going to be out since you have to pick up the kids. I think the pandemic has been hard on corporate America. Everyone everywhere is pretty unhappy. But we've had a few people leave for greener pastures and actually come back. And they were terrified that they might not be able to get back in. I think if you were one of lucky ones who job hopped and managed to up your salary significantly or improve work-life balance, you did good. But I can say at our company a lot of people are burned out because they cut too deep, there wasn't enough people to do the work, and they're tired of being blamed for it.

I went and blew up my boss's boss's boss about my future. There's not a truly solid plan but my voice was heard and I got to see a look of terror on the guy's face that I was pissed and a flight risk if I didn't start getting some recognition for my work. The buffoon taking credit for my work is still operating the same. I suspect they're going to try to find me a separate path out of the buffoon's way because that's easier on them. But either way, I better get the title I have been gunning for for 18 years.

Too early or ? I am a passive aggressive bitch and have added a Do Not Schedule block from 7-8 AM every school day. (I actually do this every school year, I had to start this in late 2020 because people got too used to me being available starting at 6 AM every day because it was summer and it was COVID and the puppy woke up crying at 5:30 every morning.) E gets on the bus at 8:05 (if they are actually on time) and Q has drop off no earlier than 8. Both kids attend school 10 miles apart so both of us have to be involved in pickup and drop-off. I probably need to add another block for school pickup on the days that I am in the office.

Sigh, I think E needs a mom like you who is just all in. I admit I struggle a bit with letting go of who I thought I would be (Super Mom, Super Important at Work, etc). I'm not sure if I am gifted or just high achieving, but that sets up a lot of disappointment in adulthood when everything isn't easy as shit like growing up was. I don't think E is going to be high achieving, not because he's not capable, but because he just doesn't seem to care. He wants to be comfortable, not the best. I'm just trying to find him things to do that aren't video games and that are just fun for him. He's actually not bad at soccer but doesn't have the attention to be on a traditional team. He loves to swim but we need to get him some real lessons otherwise he is a serious drowning risk. I think Q is ok with me as a mom because I think she is wired similarly, but because she has anxiety I have to be really careful about the expectations we and she set. I kind of love skiing because it's an individual sport and it's just fun. There's learning new skills but it's all on your schedule. There's no belts or achievements, it's just fun. Girl Scouts is good for her, too, but it's the team environment, and many of our girls aren't as motivated as she is. I don't think she feels held back but she puts so much more in than the others and really excels in the individual aspects.

Hahaha, my kids have taken all of my expectations and thrown them out the window. With both my kids being neurodiverse, it's harder. There's a lot of therapy and extra work to do the same thing as neurotypical kids. My childhood was so much easier. I was athletic, I was smart... it just took some practice and then skills were learned easily. Not so much for my kids. Q is athletic and smart but disorganized. I think she might be dyslexic, but I almost feel like another diagnosis would break her heart. She wants so badly to be "normal". E is so smart but zero attention span and can't focus long enough to learn skills. Imagine always trying to take the short cut every day even though it's a disaster, because the right way is hard and you just want to get through whatever task and get it over with. That's how his brain works. And I can try to scaffold and correct but it's so hard to keep up with him because he is off to the races before I can react. But I really am trying to do better than our parents did. My in-laws both lived their lives they wanted to live them, their son was an after-thought. My mom was sick and angry and my dad too busy taking care of her and owning a small business to spend much time with me. My parents wanted to do better, but my in-laws were too self-absorbed to do better. I don't even know what shitty parents of my generation do. My standards are fairly low. Make your kids feel loved and safe, that's what matters. Be interested in them. Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. For all the people who say kids are annoying, they're just people learning how to be. A lot of people probably think I am a shitty parent but I don't care. My kids have a lot of shit going on and sometimes don't act like the mindless zombies society wants kids to be, but they know their mom and dad love them so I don't particularly care. The parents who do piss me off are the ones who think its ok to be cruel or mean just so their kids can be the best or the most popular. Sports kids, mean girls at school, etc.

I think you could definitely get away with a plug in electric as a daily commuter out here but it's impractical as a road trip car. I do have a coworker who takes roadtrips to California in his Tesla., though.

My last debate was between a Volvo V70 Cross Country and a Mazda CX-5. The V70 won, but it was more expensive and smaller. But I do think the CX-5 was very practical and a good car, and I probably should've picked it, but I went with the fun car. The V70 handles amazingly in snow, though, and it is the perfect skiing car, or if I didn't have little kids and a big dog. Really I just need a big ass SUV purely for roadtrips.

Going to admit that my Volvo is lacking in cupholders. I think there are 4 total. It really does need more. My Highlander had like 8, more than people seated. Sometimes you need a water bottle and a coffee, for multiple people.