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Destiny Skywalker

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Posts posted by Destiny Skywalker

  1. Things blew up today on the neighborhood Facebook page. Apparently one of the boys in the other 6th grade class has been making death threats since March and the principal has been sweeping it under the rug because, surprise, mom is a district employee. They've tried escalating to the school board and superintendent and finally got told that their son needs to shut up about it because the kid is "just joking" and its all hearsay. So they let everyone know that this kid is threatening to shoot up the school tomorrow, and the parents are unenrolling their kids. Apparently after the family texted everyone they knew, 40 parents showed up to collect their kids (about 15% of the school).

    Things are totally out of control there.  I am so glad we pulled Q when we did.

    I actually don't think the kid is going to shoot up the school because I don't think he has access to actual weapons. But he has thrown desks and threatened his teacher and her family. I feel really awful for the teacher, for the family that's been dealing with this, and his classmates. I can't believe this situation has been mishandled even worse than ours.

  2. Q made the lower team. We only have 12 girls, though, which is not great. I was hoping they would move up some of the younger girls, but the younger team coach wants her own team and kept all of them. I'm hoping we get a few more soon, otherwise 1 sub is going to be rough.

    She went to an evaluation with the far away club. It was mostly against older girls so she left very frustrated and thinking she sucks. There were so many girls there that I don't think they really have an open spot for her, I'm estimating 50-60 girls. It was 3 teams (2 older, 1 her age) combined, so I think they are trying to see if they can cobble together a second team in her age group. We heard all the parents complaining about the costs and hidden fees to go to tournaments in San Diego on short notice, so I'm kind of thinking bullet dodged. Like we are talking almost 5 figures a year for this team. The coach also has not called us in the promised 24 hour time frame, so I think she's trying to gather enough players for a second team. Some of the girls came with attitudes so I'm not sure it's a healthy environment, anyway. We may offer to guest play in some tournaments, but their 2nd teams are playing in her club's tournament so she wouldn't be able to guest play there anyway. 

    I know the lower team closer to home is the right answer. It's convincing her that's the hard part. I'm glad she is in a really healthy place with the new school, I just need to keep her emotionally healthy so she can develop confidence to one day play at that higher level again. But that will never happen if she keeps playing on teams where her teammates continually cut her down or throw fits about losing.

  3. Did you not see the part about boys?

    Just kidding, this is the most normal week of school she has had in a long time. I do think that there's a little bit of new kid novelty that will wear off by the end of the year, especially with the boys. She's new, they aren't sick of her crap yet. On the other hand, I used to make my friends furious for the same crap in high school. When you're a tomboy, you can talk to guys about things they are interested in. It makes if easier for them to open up, and when you make it easy for them, they usually end up being interested. My friends had no idea how to talk to guys and they were always so pissed about the amount of attention because I was definitely the nerdiest and probably not as cute (at least according to their standards of femininity). Q is likely going to have the same problem. I hope she picks better friends than I did.

    She went to the lower team tryouts and did awesome, but they don't really have enough girls and she was the strongest player by far. She is the smallest, but her feet have grown 2 sizes in 2 months so that final growth spurt is coming. They might bring up some younger girls to make a team which would be great, because 2 of her Girl Scout friends tried out for the younger team. Tonight if the final night of tryouts so we should know soon, but there's no way she's not making this team.

    As a backup plan, I've reached out to the coach at another club that she did a lot of training with. She wants to see Q on Wednesday. We decided this team was too far away (30 minute drive without traffic) and requires too much travel (games in Idaho at least 1-2x per year). I'm also worried the coach is a psycho by reputation, but she has been really good to Q during their trainings and Q really likes her and is motivated to work hard for her. (I think Q really wants a female coach, fortunately the lower team coach is also a woman, and Q said she had a good sense of humor at the tryouts.) I may see if I can negotiate Q being a guest player for them when they have too many absences or local summer tournaments. They also play year round, so maybe she could play for them in the spring if she decides she wants to play spring after all.

  4. The first week of middle school is over. She already has a group of friends, there's rumors about who likes her, and her new BFF asked her to stop "flirting" with the guy she likes (Q will literally talk to anyone, I can see how this would be misinterpreted by a shyer girl). She asked me how does she know if a boy likes her.

    Save me, guys.

  5. Trust me, you made the right decision, I just needed to vent.

    In good news, they couldn't make a B team anyway. We skipped the 2nd tryout night to go to a winemaker dinner and it was absolutely the right decision. Parents were texting me like omg why is Q not here and I was like because I'm drinking wine and she is babysitting and also soccer tryouts are dumb. I win.

  6. So it's soccer tryouts season and it's been hell. She's gotten a garbage offer from one club (play up a year with HS girls, heck no), cut from another (basically came down to size), and now we are on tryout #3 with her original club that fired the psycho coach. We decided to have her play at the lowest club level so she could have more fun, and take spring off. But when I signed her up, the club actually reached out to say hey we remember Q, are you sure you didn't want to sign her up for premier? I told them she would be willing to consider a middle team offer, so they asked her to come to tryouts for premier and select (lowest level). We went to premier tryouts yesterday and I said hey get to know the coach for the middle team, see if you like him. See if you like the girls. They had a huge turnout the night before for the top team, but it was dead yesterday. Some of her old teammates were there still going (the coach has lots of choices so he is going to make them all wait until the final day of tryouts), but many of them had middle school track meets. Not a lot of girls, quite frankly doesn't look great for a middle team. But the middle team coach was absolutely rude to her and I don't get this behavior.

    Coach: go sub in at wide

    Q: what's the girl's name?

    Coach: (stares at her)

    Q (to another girl): hey the girl playing wide, what's her name?

    Girl: it's ______.

    Coach: Now you know the name.

    Q was upset because she said the guy stared at her like she was an idiot. And while she might be a little sensitive, we've seen this behavior in coaches before. They tell her the position to sub in for but not the name, sometimes having her call for the wrong sub (like left vs right)... or they tell her the name but not the position and she plays in the wrong spot because maybe that girl plays multiple positions. And it's always Q's fault.

    I told Q that she needs to keep in mind that she is a good communicator and thinks about these things (like how am I going to call this girl off if I don't know her name?), and other people just don't think about it. Why are adults like this? I get it, it's tryouts and he is a new coach. He doesn't know the girl's name, either. But he shouldn't expect her to know. And he shouldn't give her attitude for asking questions that will help her accomplish what he's asking her to do.

    Anyway, I don't think she will accept an offer from this guy if they can even cobble together a team. I think the extra 10-11 girls that showed up the first night are back at their old clubs making sure they get an offer there, and they will only come back if it's a top team offer. They won't accept a middle team offer. Q also hurt something in her leg. My husband looked at it last night and he said it's definitely inflamed, she definitely hurt something. So she can't go back tonight anyway. I hope it is better for Saturday so she can go to the lower team tryouts.

  7. I think she has a tribe, she just doesn't go to school with them. Her Girl Scout troop is great. She needs to find friends at school, though. And preferably one at soccer, too.

    I think if she had gotten into the gifted program, she would've had an easier time in public school, because those kids are also weird like her. The more I think about it, I think her teacher no-recommended her. (That awful teacher went "on leave" midyear this year. I don't think she's coming back.)

  8. Q had her first day the new school today. I was nervous as heck and about lost it when they called me mid-day, but it was just because they needed me to call her old school for a records request. (Then, of course, the school said no, we need a signature on something.) When I picked her up, her homeroom teacher (also Religion and History teacher) came out to tell me she did great and he's super impressed with her work already. He said she was very attentive and he appreciated that she's very outgoing and not shy. She also said it was a good day, there was the occasional weird comment (something about her wearing skinny jeans), but nothing too bad. She sat at a random lunch table and the kids asked her why she was sitting with them, because they were the rejects. That made me kind of sad for those kids. But Q stayed there and said they were nice and said she might just keep sitting there. It was mixed grades 6-8 and 3 of the kids were in her class. Honestly, folks, she's never going to be one of the popular kids. I just want her to find her weird little tribe. I was definitely not cool in high school, middle school, or even elementary. But college was the best because I went to this nerdy little tech school where everyone had similar interests. I found my husband there, life long friends, etc. It makes it so much better when you have friends to share in the journey.

  9. I think it's a good conversation to have, but I think I'd also leave out the details about his dad because you don't want to set up anger towards his dad, or have him thinking well its acceptable if a girl ends up in a relationship with me eventually. I think its really important to teach kids about consent and to also teach boys that inappropriate touching or rubbing up on girls "by accident" is not acceptable.

    Part of growing up is making dumb mistakes, but growing up also means realizing you made dumb mistakes and apologizing or stopping/changing that behavior. I hate teenage/early 20s me. But I've also resolved to do better now. I don't think anyone makes it through those years without acting like a fool. I wish we didn't, but hopefully we grow past it once that prefrontal cortex or whatever is fully developed.

  10. So we went to clean Q's desk out after school today. The principal followed us around, which I did not appreciate. Q's teacher made sure all of her stuff was turned in (textbooks, Chromebook, library books, etc) and made a big show of it, which I appreciated because I felt like she was looking out for her.

    While we were cleaning out her desks 2 pieces of paper came out. One of them was a short, 3 sentence apology from one of the boys who made fun of her when the bully hit her. It wasn't a good apology, but he tried. The other was the apology from the bully. I took a picture of it, because this was the big consequence that was supposed to make it all better.

    Obviously, fuck this shit.

    When we got home, the private school called and said they would be glad to have Q join them starting Monday for the last 6 weeks of the school year.  We happily accepted.

    We finished one Girl Scout badge that she had already started. Tomorrow she is starting Screenwriting. I thought Tank would like that.

    20240430_200005.jpg

  11. Oh geez, we never got any of that shit at daycare. Although one of my friend's husband managed to get HFM from his kids. The doctors were shocked, they said it was like the first adult case they'd ever seen, they said his immune system must be awful.

    Q got norovirus once at daycare and we were cloth diapering so of COURSE I got it. Turns out those diaper sprayers literally weaponize that stuff. After E's first eye surgery, I said screw it to cloth diapers. Something had to give and it couldn't be my sanity.

    I do NOT miss babies. I admittedly think the elementary school stage is pretty fun once they learn how to read and stuff. (Q had a hard time, E just started reading one day, although his teachers said he clearly loved being read to, which we did a lot with both kids.)

  12. So when I was a kid, my grandma had this dog who would get mad at her anytime she went out of town without him. Don't get me wrong, she'd stay with us for weeks and when she'd go back, he would be mad at her for weeks. He would ignore her, mostly.

    We went to Vegas for spring break for a week. My husband only stayed for the weekend and came back and picked her up from the sitters and she was her usual happy self to see him. When I got home, she was like yay and then ignored me for a week. She's never done that before. She started sleeping by the door at night afraid we were going to leave her again.

    We went away Saturday and left her with a sitter again for 27 hours. Somehow she figured this out like Wednesday and started sleeping by the door again. I didn't even get luggage out until Friday night because she knows what luggage means. Now we are home and she is ignoring all of us. DOGGO I'M SORRY but you were not going to like being in a hotel room.

  13. Ooof, you guys need a break. Is peanuts the only allergen or do you suspect others?

    E had more than his fair share of ear infections the first few years, and then suddenly they cleared up. Hopefully it clears up for your son, too.

  14. I submitted the intent to homeschool form tonight and declined the meeting with the principal. I'm tired of fighting. I don't think anything productive will come from another meeting.

    I'm hoping next year's school pulls through, but if not, it's Girl Scout badge time. I'm thinking Screenwriting, a financial literacy badge, and Cybersecurity or Coding, as well as finishing Digital Movie Maker and Good Sportsmanship. I'm not super concerned about her academically, honestly.

  15. Right now I'm working on convincing Q that homeschooling is better than this. I haven't sent her back. They want to set up a meeting for Monday morning. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to bother.

    I did call the private school she's going to next year and they said they do have 3 spaces available, but they need to discuss Monday whether it would be too disruptive for a student to join so late in the year. I'm really hoping this solution works out. Q said that would be better than homeschooling.

    We are taking the kids to Great Wolf Lodge this weekend as E's birthday party. Ended up being good timing. And they are Drywall texturing tomorrow so thats also good timing.

  16. So, they determined it was an accident because the bully said it was. Her consequence is that she has to apologize. Not even a separation plan. There is zero accountability at this school. They have looked at every incident on an individual basis, but where there is smoke, there is fire. Q can get along with other kids just fine in the right environment where the adults have actual expectations for behavior. I'm sitting in on a choir practice right now and the kids here are so nice. Her Girl Scout troop is a great little group of weirdos who all get along despite having a wide variety of interests.

    The principal and superintendent give zero Fs. I'm going to talk to Q tonight and I have to convince her that there is nothing worth going back for. She got to do Science Fair, field trips to the Kangaroo Farm and bowling are not worth 35 more days of this nonsense. I will take her there myself.

    I did express to the principal that the 6th graders are really amping up the antics the last few weeks from what I am hearing from Q at school. The comments are getting meaner, the behavior more extra. They know they are almost done at this school and no one is going to hold them accountable. She actually agreed that she had witnessed the same and was going to talk to Q's entire class about how they were not meeting behavior expectations, as well as addressing the school as a whole. They have such a culture problem there, and it's perpetuated by the school counselor who encourages sarcasm and witty comebacks instead of encouraging open, honest and kind communication. You aren't going to reach kids by stooping to their level. That's not teaching them anything. That's giving up.

  17. 3 hours ago, Tank said:

    Jesus yeah, there’s no way that’s defendable. And wtf happen to the separation plan? This is infuriating.

    The separation plan was between her and another girl. This one was definitely one of the biggest antagonists in January and the one that has made up lies about Q to others. I actually think she's the worst person out of all of them. But after the bullying report, she laid low. But there's 36 days of school left, so I've noticed the 6th graders are amping it up because they think they're done. She saw an opportunity and took it.

    Q won 1st place at the Science Fair tonight. Suck it, Mean Girls.

  18. One of Q's bullies hauled off on her in gym class today and made her nose bleed. Everyone laughed and told her to get up and then made fun of her for crying. I picked her up from school. They are doing their investigation. Q has her science fair presentation tonight and that may be the last time she ever steps foot in that school. If they let her bully off I'm absolutely pulling her because she will be a sitting duck.

  19. 1 hour ago, Zathras said:

    In Arizona, yelling at people who cut you off can get you shot, usually by a gun-toating conservative with Trump political bumperstickers (and possibly Confederate flag stickers) on their pickup!

    I would definitely get shot anywhere else other than Seattle. I keep my middle finger to myself, but I yell WTF asshole a lot.

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