ThunderDroid vs. The Mockery - Chapter One
The Mockery is everywhere. It is all around us. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Mockery is. You have to see it for yourself...
My Asymmetric Goatee
Recent experiences have led me to the conclusion that all of the universe exists for the sole purpose of making me look like a jerk. While I fret upon the most trivial of everyday events, The Mockery looks on with an arrogant smirk, knowing that this circus of my life is It's own contrivance. Of course, I have never seen the face of The Mockery. I have yet to behold the smug visage of my tormentor. And, I'm not sure what I would say to It if I did. But, I am going to find out!
I have compiled a rudimentary list of conspirators whose actions have revealed that they are part of The Mockery that oppresses me:
all power tools
all machinery, simple and complex
those plastic thingies on clothing tags
those plastic thingies at the end of my shoe laces
those plastic thingies that always break in CD cases
other peoples' happiness
This is only a random cross-section of the enormous beast that is The Mockery. To list every player in this twisted little farce would take a lifetime, and I have already sacrificed too much of my own for the sake of this tragic comedy. It is time the curtain to finally came down, and Liza Manelli got the hell off the stage. And, oh yeah, add her to the list too.
As I stare into my bathroom mirror I see The Mockery at work upon my very face.
The subtle imperfections of my rat-basturd goatee drive me mad. I could solve the dilemma easily by shaving. But, that's exactly what "They" want me to do! And, I refuse to play their game any longer. I think it was Jean Baptiste Lamarck who once wrote, "Bite me, le mockery!". Or was it Plato? No matter.
I set out today to confront my invisible enemy. I set out today to find those who wish to enslave me with their parlor tricks. I set out today to restore that which is rightfully mine, my dignity. I'll be taking my Yugo that looks like a toaster, of course.