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ThunderDroid vs. The Mockery - Chapter One

Posted by ThunderDroid , 24 March 2007 · 242 views


THUNDERDROID VS
the Mockery

The Mockery is everywhere. It is all around us. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Mockery is. You have to see it for yourself...



CHAPTER ONE
My Asymmetric Goatee


Recent experiences have led me to the conclusion that all of the universe exists for the sole purpose of making me look like a jerk. While I fret upon the most trivial of everyday events, The Mockery looks on with an arrogant smirk, knowing that this circus of my life is It's own contrivance. Of course, I have never seen the face of The Mockery. I have yet to behold the smug visage of my tormentor. And, I'm not sure what I would say to It if I did. But, I am going to find out!

I have compiled a rudimentary list of conspirators whose actions have revealed that they are part of The Mockery that oppresses me:

DMV
banks
trucks
all electronics
all power tools
all machinery, simple and complex
light jazz
puppies
birds
houseplants
television
those plastic thingies on clothing tags
those plastic thingies at the end of my shoe laces
clouds
sunshine
wind
rain
snow
those plastic thingies that always break in CD cases
lunchmeat
professional athletes
amatuer poets
semi-professional prostitutes
black olives
white chocolate
purple dinosaurs
other peoples' happiness
mimes

This is only a random cross-section of the enormous beast that is The Mockery. To list every player in this twisted little farce would take a lifetime, and I have already sacrificed too much of my own for the sake of this tragic comedy. It is time the curtain to finally came down, and Liza Manelli got the hell off the stage. And, oh yeah, add her to the list too.

Posted Image

As I stare into my bathroom mirror I see The Mockery at work upon my very face.

The subtle imperfections of my rat-basturd goatee drive me mad. I could solve the dilemma easily by shaving. But, that's exactly what "They" want me to do! And, I refuse to play their game any longer. I think it was Jean Baptiste Lamarck who once wrote, "Bite me, le mockery!". Or was it Plato? No matter.

I set out today to confront my invisible enemy. I set out today to find those who wish to enslave me with their parlor tricks. I set out today to restore that which is rightfully mine, my dignity. I'll be taking my Yugo that looks like a toaster, of course.

Posted Image




If you read this Special Edition in chronological posting order, it's like Memento PLUS -- no distracting tattoos, no waiting in vain for Carrie-Anne Moss to Do It with someone, and -- best of all -- the end credits are right there at the beginning so you know you'll get to leave the theatre that much more quickly afterward to go tell ten friends what to tell their ten friends to tell ten friends. Assuming they're not Amish. Or mute. Or double agents who work for one of those other bands from the British Isles who are the complete opposite of hot, like The Alarm.

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