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The Black Friday Arms Race

Posted by NumberSix , 04 December 2011 · 554 views

Despite my pretense to the contrary, I pride myself on keeping my Black Friday conduct courteous and pacifistic. I have no interest in shivving a housewife for a five-dollar food processor, or tackling someone's great-grandfather just so I could have the latest season of CSI: Fresno on Blu-ray for 99¢. I doubt I could make a clean getaway, and I'm sure being arrested would require a lot of boring paperwork. More problematic: the weaponry I have on hand would be insufficient competition.

However, I had no idea that, had I paid attention to the right ads, arming myself would have been more cost-effective than ever this year:

--> Guns are a big seller on Black Friday:

Deputy Assistant FBI Director Jerry Pender said the checks, required by federal law, surged to 129,166 during the day, far surpassing the previous high of 97,848 on Black Friday of 2008.

...Dennis Henigan, acting president of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence...said. "It's possible that gun companies are just catching on to creating a Black Friday frenzy for themselves."

I know Wal*Mart's Black Friday ad featured some firearms on the next-to-last page, but I had no idea that their customers took notice. That's a heck of a doorbuster.

Just think, though: next year you camp out at Wal*Mart on Thanksgiving at 6 p.m.; pick yourself up one of those when they open at 7 p.m.; then head over to Best Buy and compete for a ten-dollar six-inch plasma TV with some arrogant fool who's armed only with a puny vial of pepper spray. Won't he be impressed and in tears!

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