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Celebrity Death Forum

Posted by NumberSix , 24 July 2011 · 427 views

Rather than wasting time in Feedback with this amazing new idea that just popped in my head because of sleep deprivation, I'm storing it here for safekeeping where it can't do any harm or good.

Imagine a forum where every thread follows the exact same format:

Thread title: Name of freshly dead celebrity. Members old enough to remember Kwan Yu can add the dreadful "...won't be down for breakfast" tag. Members who think "Kwan Yu" is Korean profanity are barred from perpetuating that and must come up with something more honorable or vituperative, depending on the celebrity in question.

Post 1: Date of birth, date of death, link to relevant article, as much info about cause of death as is immediately known, and one line citing either their best work or a quip you heard Jimmy Fallon use.

Subsequent posts: Honest reactions, good or bad. Some repetitiveness and the obligatory "RIP"s and such would be expected and should not be discouraged.

At least one tasteless comment: This works best if the celebrity means nothing to anyone. If boba sweat is preoccupied elsewhere, it would be up to one of the Admins to start a bad-pun contest.

Autopsy results: If/when follow-up is warranted on a musician's abrupt departure.

News about tributes and posthumous works: Who's keeping their fire burning? Where will their final artistic contribution appear? Who's whoring out their memories? Sometimes we'd like to know.

This would be a forum guaranteed always to generate new content. Nightly is pretty good about name-checking the losses with the most impact, but you wouldn't have to stop there. Days might fly by without a marquee name to draw heavy traffic, but you could pass the time with by noting the frequent losses of overlooked character actors, obscure silent-film has-beens, reality-TV losers, infomercial hosts, suicidal bassists, or Oscar-winning screenwriters. The most complete place I've found for such fodder is Celebritydeaths.net, one of the most thorough sites I've thus far seen for indexing the dearly departed of all levels of fame. Problem is, their site doesn't lend itself to discussion, tributes, or puns.

Each year's Lando Dead Pool thread would be relocated there, title intact, and pinned yearlong. Each new thread would be yet another possible token on someone's Bingo card. Fortunately everyone here seems to suck at it, so we wouldn't need a lot of tokens to hand out.

During really slow weeks, you could start a thread commemorating the anniversary of a famous passing. Did you know Alexander Hamilton died on July 12th? A salute to gentlemen's duels and the ten-dollar bill could've been in order, if only someone here had been a big enough fan.

Best of all, all that rampant morbid Googling for "celebrity deaths" will bring in new eyes to Nightly. You know they're out there, and we're more affordable than The Globe. They may not all be geeks, or even literate. Perhaps they can be taught one skill or the other.

Just a thought. We'll see if I regret it when I come down for breakfast tomorrow.

Sheep Murderer
July 25 2011 07:30 PM
If the forum ever runs low on dead people, Nightly can always kire me to kill someone off in an internet-friendly way.

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